rom grains of sand to pearls...be encouraged ..dont look back
I have been divorced officially now for 2 months. Most of my friends have said, "I know everything will be fine now that you are out of that pit". They do not understand having children with a narcissist is a life long challenge; but I stand outside of the pit;not in it. My challenge is to learn how to interact differently with a force that controlled my life for years. But I am free and by the grace of our Good and faithful God, am healthy again. Keeping my children out of the pit is up to me and I have learned that the key is MY attitude.
I am going to approach this as a mountain to climb, a race (not necessarily win) to finish, and a very unpredictable journey. I cannot look back and do not want to even discuss any unhappy details of our marriage. I will focus on the happy times and the fact that I have two beautiful children who can learn to love their father despite his limitations, sickness and inability to love. They are well adjusted, thanks to being raised to the ages 11 and 13 years basically by me. Since they are "fully formed" as the psychologist noted, they can discern truth and cope well.
I encourage any woman who is still in the pit,to climb out..and fill it up with roses...not dirt. I was literally lifted by my faith and saved. I have difficult days (flashbacks if you will ) but I have seen that the number one enemies are anger and bitterness based on backward looking thoughts. Please do not give them fertile ground in your heart. Fight any tendency to harbor grudges and hatred. Avoid people who want to encourage this with well meaning discussions. Do you have your children recreate a frightening dream or event? Do not discuss your past..you will relive it. This can choke your freedom ,stifle your joy and prevent you from healing and becoming the person God intended.
My new life has a more perspective and meaning, I can empathize with the oppressed and love more deeply. I can now truly live and follow my dreams... and I pray that all who have passed down a similar path will see --- that the journey through the valley only makes the view from the mountain more beautiful. God's love, peace and grace to all who have been there. You can come out polished and beautiful like a pearl or you can stay buried in the oyster.. the choice is yours.