This is my story

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#1 February 17, 2018 - 2:41pm

This is my story

I met my ex in 1998. I was younger and single and doing my own thing. It was a tumultuous relationship from the beginning. He was messing with others n so was i off and on. When he finally moved in, he still cheated, I did not. He showed me love, took me places, bought me whatever I wanted etc etc but always cheated. Early on. At one point he moved myself n 2 young children to another state to be near his family and start over. His words. Lived there a 1 1/2 still cheating, with numerous women. Stayed out all night and was with a new girl, I kicked him out. He went to jail and eventually prison for 8 years. I packed up my kids and a uhaul n came back home. I contacted him while he was in prison and we talked a few times in between. He was released in 2008. He was picked up from prison by one of the women he cheated on me with and moved in with her. He met his next girl and ended up leaving with her and ended up with her for 4 years and had 2 sons with her. They moved to another state 2 hrs from me. Again, he contacted me and we started seein eachother again briefly, I had no idea I was sleeping in her bed til the very end of it all. She found out and they moved bck to the state we lived in and he ended up catching her cheating n got on a bus n left her to again live 2 hrs from me. I contacted him again and this is when it really started up again. We were together the first time 6 years fully. She told me horrible stories about the cheating and the physical n emotional abuse in front of their kids. In the beginning years he blacked my eyes twice also, he drank but it wasnt a daily thing. Mostly we fought about the cheating yet I always took him back. They were random women, mostly one time things so I guess in my crazy mind meant he had no love for them. Since June of 2017, I have caught him at different hotels n the back seat of his car with 4 different woman. February 2nd A friend of mine had came bck to visit so we were ll going to go out n usual he got drunk before we even went out n started a fight for an excuse ta leave n do his thing im sure. so he left n then i left. He called me all the way up until around midnight, insisting i tell him where im at. I ignored him n had a good time with my friends. He also had been turning the location off on his phone on the weekends but during the week. At 430 I decided to do what I always do, find him. And I did, at another hotel. There was a girly black car parked right next to his, long story short, he came out around 9 am claiming he was by hisself n jus wanted me ta worry n THINK he was with someone. I pulle dout of the hotel n then came back 10 mins later n the black car was gone so I knew then what it was. Later that afternoon I packed all his things n brought them to him. I was hysterical crying. He asked e if this is really what I want, did I want him to come back home. I said no he cant come back anymore, we are over. He drove off n said he was going to his moms a few days which is 2 hrs from us. This was saturday the 4th of Feb. He called me Sunday night from a bar n said hes stayin there another night n hed call the next day. He wasnt at his moms, he didnt want me to kno he was still in town cus she was with him at the bar. He has been living with her in a different hotel every since that night. I look back on everything n it all makes sense...now. We texted back n forth for a few days, n got nowhere. It was always he was sick of the fighting, which we did cus of his actions n maybe we need time apart. I am hysterical mind u cus i felt more miserable that he was gone. At one point, i showed up to the hotel cus he swore he wasnt with her like that n that he didnt even want her, said she had a big nose, a weird chin n she was bigger then me, she didnt even cuss n wasnt his type *this is the truth lol cus shes really not his type at all* I begged him not to go back to the hotel and to jus come home so we can work it out. He got out of my truck and went back to the hotel to be with her. I was devastated. I stopped eating, sleeping, was obsessively calling and texting him. It was insane, I HATE that either of them got the satisfaction to even see me in that state. I WAS that obsessed psycho stalker ex that he had her convinced I was. On the 8th of Feb, he called me and we talked for an hour and 25 minutes, he said all the right shit. He misses us, he wants to make it all better and can he come and lay with me, he needs to feel me next ta him blah blah. I said no. He showed up at my house and was in my parking lot texting me. *Im here in the parking lot, i want u* I came all the way out here n ur playing games. at this point i stopped answering his calls n put him on block. 13 blocked calls as he sat in the parking lot. I took screen shots of the texts and the calls n sent them to her thru facebook so shed kno that her amazing man was here trying to spend the night with me. at first she was leaving she wont tolerate that blah blah blah. she stayed. As soon as she told him I told on him, everything changed. He texted me that I was dead ta him, she looks better then me, and i still dont see it n never will then said u will see bitch. The last time I spoke to him was that night. Saturday the 10th, I erased his phone remotely n locked it cus I knew he would get a new phone n then i couldnt contact him anymore. I did this more for myself so I could stop obsessing n move on. There has been NC since that Thursday until today. My friend and neighbor went to a local git n go up the street from my apt n he was sitting there in his car *his hotel is south side and im in a subburb way north* He got out n walked up ta her car n started a convo n said hes sure she heard what happened n she said yes n he said he tried to be with me that friday n i ignored him n it pissed him off, then she asked if h had a gf n he said yea i do with a smile on his face...smug. then said theres 2 sides ta every story. she asked him so ur jus done 21 years n he gave her no answer but said I do still love her and u can relay that message. He has a friend that lives here so assuming thats why hes even out here ta begin with. I am angry that he had a whole conversation about me. Im pretty sure that he wont reach out again. I kno on my end, I am absolutely done , will never go back n moving on with my life without him in it. Is it even possible for someone to have so much history n not have some kind of love even if they are messed up mentally? I just dont think thats possible. We didnjt always have bad times, there were some good memories thru all the madness. A person cant be human n not have love after 21 years, im havin a hard time believing that. Hes never been diagnosed as a narcissist cus he wont go get help but im pretty sure he is one. Maybe a sociopath...but he is for sure a mean hateful alcoholic. He used every flaw and insecurity I had against me in his fits of rage. I am 225 pounds n was always called Fat B. The new girl tho? She is close to 400 pounds n not very easy on the eyes. Before I found out what she looked like he said she had a big nose..weird chin etc etc. This is all so crazy! He also told my friend that he thinks about everyday. Who cares! I dont! I am focusing on all the hurt he has caused me and not so much on few good memories I do have. He never deserved me, I gave him every ounce of love I had to give n he hurt me deeply. Is he a narcissist? Sociopath? or is he just a mean hateful drunk? I suspect maybe all of the above. I have seen him cry real tears a few times, n he usually said he was sorry n he will do better etc etc. I must admit, even if he doesnt mean it, I feel good that he says he thinks of me n loves me. Kind of gives me the closure I wasnt getting however, This will NOT interfere with my recovery from him. I am 100% done being his doormat! Ty for reading and all feedback is welcome