Left a Dream for What Became a Nightmare

I was dating someone for 3.5 years, who I was planning to marry and who was planning on proposing to me in Morocco. We were having our differences the past three months, which was making me rethink everything. Now that I am older and went through this horror, I regret ever making the decision to leave him.

I met the N one day at a surf competition through a mutual friend. We exchanged numbers and after a few weeks he invited me and my friends to come camping with him and a group of people. While my the boyfriend was out of town in Vegas with his boys (cause for annoyance), I decided to take him up on the offer as just a fun weekend with new friends.

That day at the lake turned out to be a dream. He was everything I could have ever imagined to be in one person. He was handsome, fit, charming, sweet, caring, and we had the most intense and undeniable connection. We laid under the stars on a blanket and ended up making, what I thought to be, love. It was fast, sudden, and felt so right on every level. The next day I came home and broke it off with my boyfriend thinking I had met my soulmate. We spent the next four days together nonstop before he left for Hawaii. No one had ever given me instant fireworks the way he did, not to mention the most intense sex of my life.

While he was away, he would call, send me flowers, and everything felt like a dream with him (which it was just that). I won't go into the details of our relationship because they were all similar to yours with the hot and cold, possessiveness and jealousy, and crazy mood swings. I will give you key details of when I should have run but didn't:

1. He would get upset with me if I went out with my friends. Upset to the point where he would say "fuck you I'm done", "fuck you forever", "you just go out with your friends to get attention", etc., etc. Then the next day apologize profusely telling me that "no man should ever speak to a woman that way".
2. He would obsessively "like" girls pictures on Instagram. Mind you, he's a pro surfer so all these girls had insane bodies and asses, and were definitely not ugly. It was so disrespectful and I would get upset but he didn't care. He cleaned up his act after months, but I caught him doing it late at night when he thought I was asleep.
3. One time, he came back from Orlando after surf expo telling me that he "met someone" and that it was a GUY. Like HELLO!!!!!!! That should have been my cue to RUN! But idiotically I didn't. He said that he "felt something and it was 'cool'". That he was sexually attracted to him "he guesses". Later, he told me that was his way of trying to break things off easily with me because I couldn't question it.
4. There were always random girls. One girl commented on one of his pictures after he had gotten back from Miami saying "Gorgeous pic! Can't wait to watch another sunrise together with you soon." I idiotically brushed it to the side when he told me it was an inside joke between a bunch of them about how everyone is obsessed with sunsets and sunrises. I knew he was lying, but I just didn't care.
5. His phone synced with my computer and I saw pictures of girls boobs from Snapchat that he had screenshot. When I asked I'm about it he said that his buddies sent it to him and it saved on his phone. Bullshit.
6. He opened up a Snapchat that a girl sent him in front of me of her pointing the camera down her legs and hiking up her skirt. When I asked who the hell that was he told me he didn't know and he was Snapping with her trying to figure out who. Then he proceeded to delete her. Bullshit.

There are so many more things I could list but I'm sure you get the gist.

After all this I'm sure you'll wonder why I stayed. While we were together, since I was still mourning the breakup from my ex (and still am), I told him I didn't want a serious relationship and wanted to date other people. So I did. I wasn't 100% emotionally invested in him and I did break it off a few times because of this. I dated other people and had him on the side for sexual purposes because I knew that with all his craziness, he was in no position to have a real relationship. And I did enjoy his company when it was good. And when it was good it was REALLY good. He was everything I wanted in my fantasy man, aside from him being a complete N.

So here is the end:

This past December 2014, I got pregnant. I knew I was pregnant because my boobs were HUGE and in pain. I told him this and he told me to get a test to make sure. I was out of the country with my mom for a trip for two weeks, so even if I was, there was nothing to be done at that time. Took the first tests and they were both negative. I sent him the picture and told him. I also told him that I thought it was too early to tell, but that I knew my body and I was 100% pregnant. During the two weeks he was less than supportive. He didn't call to ask if I was okay and anytime I would nag he would tell me that we don't even know if I'm pregnant and to stop freaking out. Aside from that, he had the audacity to ask me if it was even his. I told him I needed support and he says "I'm not going to support this, we're not having a kid. I'll send you money and you can have one of your other guys raise it." Once I got back to the states, I immediately took a pregnancy test and it came back positive. I tried calling him over 20 times freaking out and he didn't answer! I finally called him sister and she got ahold of him. He called me immediately after, drunk, and was like I'm so sorry, I'm here for you, I'll come pick you up from the airport to go to the doctor. I called him when I arrived and he completely forgot he was getting me. He FINALLY came and we went to breakfast while looking for a doctor that was open on a Saturday. He thought I was making up the pregnancy to get back with him, so I literally took a test at the restaurant to show him. We went to the doctor, confirmed the pregnancy, and then had to decide what we were going to do. There was nothing in the uterus, so the doctor assumed that it was still too soon to see it.

Come Monday, we decide that we're going to do a D&C. My only fear of having this child was having him in my life FOREVER. So, we get to the office to do the procedure and he says he "doesn't have money" on him right then, so I pay for it. I get the traumatizing procedure done and then he takes me home to take care of me. He was wonderful to me and was so nice. The next day, the doctor tells me that there was no pregnancy tissue in the uterus so my pregnancy was ectopic. Therefore, the next few weeks I would spend getting a methotrexate shot and getting 2 blood tests a week to make sure it doesn't rupture.

On Wednesday, I find out through Instagram that he's leaving for Ensenada on a surf trip with the boys. I call him and I'm like "are you kidding me?". This nightmare isn't over and I need your support. His response was "I've researched it and it happens to lots of girls. You'll be okay." Fucking dick. So he just ups and leaves for Mexico that night without a second thought that I'm still going through this on my own. He barely calls me or texts me. And when he does he's angry, cold, and heartless. He even has the audacity to get upset at me for being upset because he "lost his keys" and "can't deal with this right now". After that I made the decision to leave him before he came back. I went to his house (he was staying at his grandma's since he lives all over the place) and took ALL my stuff without a word. His sister had my back and told me she would leave him too after all this. Saturday night after I get back, I look on Instagram and see a picture of this girl that's his "friend" with his brother IN MEXICO!!!! He left me here with an ectopic pregnancy and took this girl to Mexico with him!!!!! I went crazy! I was so upset. I commented on her picture telling her that I'm sure she doesn't know that he has a pregnant girlfriend back at home and that he was telling her he loved her 2 days before.

After that, the calls, threats, and e-mails didn't stop. I blocked his number and every number he called from. He threatened to send me to the police, a restraining order, etc., etc. All of this with absolutely no grounds. I ignored EVERYTHING. Come to find out, that Monday after he gets back on Sunday, he goes back to Maui and guess who comes along with? THAT GIRL. Then he proceeds to e-mail me more. One day he asks me why I haven't responded after all his threats, and the next he's telling me off again. I went 1 week NC until he e-mailed me from a new e-mail asking that I please call him because it's about his dad who has cancer. So I did. The cycle started again. One minute he's offering to help with the bills, the next he's saying fuck you. He even had the nerve to tell me that I "took advantage" of him because I wasn't on birth control after a year and a half of being together. We had this discussion many times before about it and he told me he didn't want me on it and if we got pregnant we would keep it. He said he went off looking for someone else because I was "too needy" during this time and that I'm a "bitch" and would never get anywhere in life being like this. In between all this I would get the occasional, "I can't believe I did this too us. I'm sorry for being so hard headed. I wanted this baby as much as you." BULLSHIT.

I've been nearly 2 weeks NC with this loser. He's sent me a few e-mails which I proceeded to ignore. First, he tries to tell me that he sent money. LIE. Then, he gets angry for not responding and tells me to enjoy all the money he sent. LIE. THEN, he tells me that I need to go get tested because he "has something". I ignored everything. How could someone just be so cruel to someone who went through a tragedy like this? It's so inhumane. The icing on the cake though, was this Monday, he sent an e-mail telling me he rented a house on Oahu for his competition and wants me to join. No way in fucking hell.

I deleted his number, all his e-mails, and even had to remove Instagram off my phone not to see his pictures. He taunts me with a new woman each week to get a rise out of me. All of these are girls that I had issues with when we were together.

I don't miss him. At all. Yes, sometimes I have thoughts, but I would never ever even think about going back to someone like that. The part that I have a hard time with is accepting that a human could do that to another human. After everything that person did for them and is going through, that person still continues to intentionally try to hurt them even more. I can see right through everything, but knowing that his intention is to hurt me is the part that hurts the most.

I regret leaving a healthy relationship for someone like him.