Goodbye from your Fannie Fatass
Goodbye from your Fannie Fatass
Goodbye to the man I thought I would marry and grow old with. I continue to struggle having zero contact with you, it’s hard because I gave you six years of my life. You met me when I was in a weak point in my life. You knew it and honed in the opportunity of a weak woman. And what was more sickening, is I made the choice to be with you.
I knew the first week there were red flags, like when you told me you were divorced and I discovered at a family function you were only recently separated. You blamed me for investigating “your business”. That was the very first time you shifted the blame. Then you wrote my daughter two abusive letters telling her she was piece of shit, with a huge ego from a small town. You actually convinced me that you were right putting her in her place because she treated me poorly. You always made me believe I did something wrong, you always projected blame on me and you were good at it too. You took the little bit of truth and turned it all around on me. I spent six years of my life trying to make sense of this volatile emotional roller coaster relationship. We would have fights and you would blame me for things that went wrong and you always won. You took advantage of my empathetic and passive personality too. You turned me against my kids and tried to ostracize me from my family. Goodbye to the mornings I woke with emotional hangovers, hovering over my phone and email in hopes you would apologize. You never apologized and never accepted blame for anything. Instead you pointed out my wrongdoings and told me you loved despite my flaws.
You proposed to me only after you accepted a job overseas. I mentioned marriage twice during our relationship and you minimized my submissive proposals. Finally, you asked me to marry you due to legal obligations (citizenship in another country) and I reluctantly accepted. You didn’t have to move, you told me you wanted to be a legacy to your company. It was all about you. I even questioned you leaving your minor daughter and you said she doesn’t want to be bothered with her father. I quit my practice, gave away my belongings, left friends/family and had to accept I could no longer financially support myself if I moved. I became dependent on your for everything. Lucky, I listened to my gut and told you I could not marry you. Despite my primal gut feelings I still moved to a foreign country only to discover you lied about my employment opportunities, took away my credit cards numerous times, tried ripping my ring off my finger, wouldn’t pay for me to fly back for my step mothers memorial (I had to charge it) and the very worst is you abused my children. You agreed my 22 year old daughter could move to Panama seek teaching opportunities. You became angry with her the night after my birthday and gave her two days to move out. There she was, 22 years old with garbage bags in the streets of Panama. I had another mental break down and took the first flight to US, verbalized suicide ideations and you called the police on me. When I arrived in the U.S. the police/immigration officers asked me if I wanted help and I voluntarily agreed, instead they took me to a mental institution. I knew I had major “craziness” going on and thought they could help me escape my madness.
You also wrote my son a demonic message, called him a fucking animal who should beat his drums and called him a piece of shit and see a shrink. My ex-husband found the message on his FB and it went viral. He sent it to my entire family. After spending a few days in a mental ward where I received zero help I foolishly moved back to Panama because I had nowhere else to go and a sick sense of everything will be okay. I rationalized it because you called me while I was in the mental ward and proclaimed your love for me. You were great at telling me how you loved me, you even shed tears. Soon after I returned you returned to your frequent business trips and left me alone again. I went crazy multiple times in the titanium white penthouse with no credit card, income, emotional support or job. Finally, my daughter gave me the ultimatum……… that it’s either her or him. Reluctantly, I chose my family but it wasn’t easy. I secretly thought I could win your love back and my family didn’t have to know my business. I was sick sick, sick. I broke up with you more times than I can remember and you’d always lure me back in. I found you on Match.com 2 times, Plenty of Fish. xxx.match, porno sites and Asian brides while we were committed. I always listened to your excuses and took you back. I even moved out of state for one year and came back to you. You would say “I am the only one who understands you, I am the only one who loves you, you are crazy, we are both rejects from our fucked up families, your kids are fucked up and will always treat you like shit, they have personality disorders and we need each other etc.” Finally, when I didn’t buy your lies and told you I didn’t love you anymore you sent me pictures of us eating street food in Peru (you knew I loved that kind of stuff) Yes, I let you drive me to levels of depression and insanity that I can’t even put into words. I started drinking to numb the pain of rejection and boredom in a foreign country. Then I started mixing your benzo’s with alcohol so I could sleep my depression away. Finally, I couldn’t numb your rejection, the rejection from my children (caused by you), and boredom. However, when you returned from a business trips your spontaneous intermittent positive reinforcement honeymoons lured me in every time. All it took was one good weekend and you had me hooked for more abuse and discard. You were on match right after I broke up and chatting intimately with another woman and gave her compliments I never received in six years. Sick sick……….After begging for you to buy me a plane ticket home you finally agreed after leaving me alone for 30 days. You see that was my punishment for breaking up with you. You knew isolation, boredom and loneliness drove me crazy. I finally left your ass but I continued to go back and beg, plead for your love. The first couple of years of our relationships were fictitiously wonderful, you treated me like no man ever treated me( so I thought). I figured your love was hidden somewhere in your callous heart and I would be the one to bring it out. I was even warned by your ex-wife yet I was confident I could fix you. I continued to search, beg and pleaded for your love. After the honeymoon period was over, I only saw love you gave your daughters while you discarded me. Damn that hurt.
You ripped my heart inside and out so many times that I can’t count. At public events you ignored me, degraded and belittled me. On the drive home I’d get mad and of course it was always shifted back to how I misbehaved or minimized your abusive remarks. After being called fat ass and saddle bags it got old. Even your best friend called me “muffin top” and get this asshole….. I wore a size six, 5’8”, had three kids and ran 50 plus marathons. I’m hardly fat, even if I was it was none of your business. Today I wear size 4 and people tell me I’m too skinny. WTF????? Good bye to your irrational insults.
You often told me I had no emotions, so I’d show emotions then you told me I had too many emotions. It was a lose-lose situation from the beginning. In public you were the charming charismatic life of party. When we were friends (you only had one friend, rest of friends were mine) you would pay the entertainment bill every time. That was the only way you could show kindness. That’s all you had asshole.
My man also wanted to be a legacy to his corporation and family. He made attempts to climb the corporate latter, build/remodel houses only to be noticed. Not to take care of his family who he ignored and left alone. BTW you only fooled a few people. Most people saw through your hollow heart and arrogant demeanor. Luckily, my daughter helped me escape your abuse. I feel sorry for your next victim(s), I wish I could protect all the women from pain inflicted from sick people like yourself. You made me feel crazy, confused, needy and emotionally unstable when all along you were the hollow man with no heart. You can take your anxiety meds and I hope that makes you feel better, you can brag about your past, accomplishments etc. but I know the truth. You live in an overpriced little condo overlooking a dumpster. I really feel sorry that you will never experience real love or empathy but I can’t help you. You are an amazing actor and charming as hell, but I will not be fooled again, I’m finally free of your lies, abuse and lack of empathy.
Women, if there is anything I can say or help you is don’t go back into their web of lies. When you are hungry for love it’s too damn easy going back. Go to your friends or family for love, it really works. Goodbye asshole to your lies, abusing my family and hollow legacy. You caused me excessive pain, I almost lost my family and self over you.
The saddest thing is I think of the women in prison who reacted to the abuse inflicted by family, ex’s etc., they responded inappropriately and got caught. You put me on the edge, the very edge of insanity. I feel for the women who fell hard and ended up in prison or mental ward. If there is anything I can do is support abused women. Goodbye and stay away nice women, but I know you won’t. I can only educate women, and continue healing, I cannot change people with Narcissistic Personality Disorder. Goodbye asshole.