Blindsided by an N
Blindsided by an N
My story is very much like the rest of you. It starts with one of my best friends setting me up with the N, a blind date, if you will. I wasn't exactly gun-ho about the whole idea about going on a blind date, but I'm a people pleaser and didn't want to dissapoint my friend. Prior to our date we spoke on the phone a few times. I met him for dinner and there began a rollercoaster of lies, deceptions and emotional confusion. When I arrived, he was waiting for me at the bar, he wasn't exactly my type, but he was attentive and could hold an intelligent conversation. The blind date lasted 5 hours, it was nice. After the date he called me the next day, I was impressed that he didn't follow the whole 'don't call her the next day ridiculous rule'. He text and called a few more times that week and the one thing I noticed, he was inconsistent.
It bothered me from the start, he would tell me he would call me at a certain hour and wouldn't call and if he did call and I didn't answer, when I'd return his call, I'd be sent to voicemail (this would only happen in the evenings, during the day, he could be reached). A few weeks after we met, he said he wanted to be in an exclusive relationship with me, which struck me as odd, but being the eternal romantic I agreed. The next day, he sent me flowers and met me for dinner before going out of town on business. While out of town, he called constantly, we spent endless hours talking, some nights we would talk the whole night. He told me that he felt so connected to me and he was falling for me hard. I thought that when he came back to town, we could continue to communicate like we did while he was out of town, but no, the inconsistent behavior returned. Having been married for a long time to someone who was inconsistent and selfish, I decided to cut my losses and go. He was very upset, and asked me to return a bracelet he let me wear when he went out of town, since he raised his voice, I asked him for his address and said I would mail it. A few days later he text me his address, that wasn't his address (I had his address from a donation he made in my name to a place I volunteer at, they sent me the receipt). I went ahead and ran the addresses in a reverse address look up and he and a woman were listed at his address. That prompted me to do a whole background check on this guy, found other lies he told in this.
Here is the sad part, I went out with him two weeks later, then 2 months after that, then 3 months after that. Even though he denied living with this woman (he denied even knowing her ), I knew the truth, which is why I tried hard not to see him, but I couldn't resist his charm (he was probably running low on NS and I was a good supply). I finally let him know that I knew he lived with someone, and emailed him the documents that proved it. We went NC for a month and a half, then he called so that we could talk about us. I met him for coffee, where he professed his undying love to me and that the woman was someone he helped out & I was welcomed to come to his home to see that he lived alone. He said that he knew I was the woman he prayed for, the love of his life and that he wanted forever with me. I was delusional and accepted. By this time we've been doing the off and off again game for a year (we had not slept together) and things were going ok. I then find out that he still has bills w/ the said woman, I ask him to liquidate them, he was he has. We went out of town together & finally had sex, yeah it was mind blowing. After we get back, he loans me his new car (only had it a month) and I find "her" credit card in his car, after he assured me his ties to her were done & he had not seen her in over 6 months. Lies, all lies!!! We broke up again (march 2013), that's when my friend sent me a link to this website.. I wish I could say I stayed away, but in June I sent him a father's day gift and we talked on the phone, never saw him. It was comical to know what he was going to do next, it was like clockwork..the gaslighting, the subtle put downs and the lies, the never ending lies (he would lie about having this stature and power, I knew the truth, I had the background check). We stopped talking in July, and started back up in August, which is when I made plans to go out of town with him. Going out of town was a disaster, he is an N, a drama king, but because I knew, I didn't participate. I have been NC since Sept 12, it's been hard...he's only text me once, and called me once, he also sent me a birthday card in October (my bday was in Sept), he wanted me to see he was in Puerto Rico (postmark). Probably left the current supply in the hotel room while he mailed me the card. I have no excuse as to why I got involved, I guess it was like an addiction, I liked what he said and the way the words made me feel. Only, they weren't real, he wasn't real. Even in the birthday card he still professing his undying love for me. He doesn't know what that is.. I'm moving forward, everyday I try very hard not to check my blocked messages, calls or emails...and on most days I win... I'm not defeated...