I'm ready to say goodbye..
I'm ready to say goodbye..
Took me a while to accept it..
I hung on to a glimmer of hope that you would come around. I sent you a final note saying I missed us and wanted to come back home. (The furnished apartment I got for you and I) and you totally dismissed my outpour by responding saying "good morning to u, my life has been real busy now". I shouldn't even be surprised as to you ALWAYS dismissed my feelings and NEVER responded to my needs or love.
I loved you and told you time and time again, only for you to tell me you loved me with your back turned away from me or telling me I had a "good heart". That broke my heart into a thousand pieces. I left my home, family and job in a different state in order to help you get on your feet where you lived, only to find out that your love was never authentic, just a front in order to bail you out of your own financial reponsibilities, or should I say "irresponsibilities" for which you could never manage.
You ruined me emotionally, financially and spiritually. You started with the promise of marriage, for which you never went thru when I kept bringing you the license to complete, you said I was trying to trap you even though you were the one who brought up marriage. I cooked everyday, made you lunch for work, washed and ironed your clothes, cleaned your home, made sure I was sexy and desirable when you arrived from work...I gave it all to you. I filled out job applications for you, did your resumes, made appointments for you, did your business calls, made payment arrangements for you....and how did you reciprocate?
You stayed away from the home every weekend til 2 in the morning, gave me awful sex (I was never satisfied), you wouldn't help clean, cook or even take out the trash. You called me a goodie two shoes, bugaboo (devalued) and I had to beg you to spend time with me (even if it was for free, no money needed as you cried broke). You didn't compromise on anything. You wanted me isolated from my family so that I wouldn't assist them in anyway, my focus was to be only you. You told me you don't do emotions or romance, but it sure was an act in the beginning. I became a burden to love, I was now in your way to do your thing. You messed up our bank accounts and went and got new ones without my knowledge. Now my bank account is overdrawn, my car taken away and you not even so much gave a damn on how to help save me. Even had the nerve to yell at me for paying my own bills when yours was still outstanding. I was no longer your "girl" after I caught on to your game (discarded). But it was too late for me because I'm now in financial ruin having to start my life over again at 46 years old. I'm so angry with myself for not seeing this coming. I have no home, no money, no car, no companion, no dreams, while you run off to the next supply you had already lined up.
I was set and totally happy before you contaminated my life. I was well put together and stable and now in shambles. I was good to you, opened my heart, my money, my time, my spirit. Now I'm broken, no focus, on anxiety pills, smoking (never had done that before), gained weight and a total wreck behind the damage you've created.
You would talk over me and never let me get a word in, it was my fault why we weren't ahead like YOU planned it to be. But remember I was VERY finacially secured before I got with you. You were the one with no driver's license, taking DUI classes, couldn't leave the state, prison record, had no home, no furniture, a car co-signed by an ex-girlfriend who repossesed it after you neglected her, them got someone else to co-sign your truck after non payments, now they are after you for no registration and no payments for that vehicle as well. How many people are you going to use up? You have no conscience, no integrity, no morals. You couldn't even qualify for the apartment I got for US, and now I'm out on the streets while you lay up being the sadistic loser you are.
I had to leave, because the energy of walking on eggshells everyday and the devil's mood could no longer match up to my loving spirit. You are like the walking dead, no empathy, no intimacy and just plain mean as I would tell you over and over. You can't match my spirit and I'll be damn if I become just like you. When I left you, I would tell a friend that still I cared for you and loved you and hoped that we could work it out. NOW, I despise you, I don't like you as a person and you can kiss my ASS!
I will rise up again and the noise of your name will drown out of my head and be placed in a dark hollow hole where you belong. You're no longer my concern and name forgotten. My efforts will be focused on me and rebuilding because that is how my spirit works. I will no longer look at your FB or the OW's. I no longer care of who or what you are.
No contact is now in order! You are dead to me!