Written to my ex before I even found this site or started to read up on NPD...

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#1 October 28, 2013 - 10:10am
NicNac13's picture

Written to my ex before I even found this site or started to read up on NPD...

Dear E,

A few pointers for you whilst you sit around with your pre-recruited cronies recounting my list of crimes and putting on your most magnanimous and manufactured mask.

You may like to reflect for a moment on the fact that a refusal to communicate, coupled and withholding information, is in itself an aggressive act. And it is a technique I believe you are well practiced at and versed in. You did this alot to me over the course of our relationahip, particularly the past few months. It leaves the other party shut out, stonewalled and anxious. You are great at being the sparkly, flirty girly girl and ever ready to withdraw it when one is no longer useful or in favor. Quite unlike anyone I have ever encountered, you turn it on and off like a tap.

I do believe you manipulate people and situations until you come out like some recidivist victim. You push buttons, you mess in people's lives and you become oh so cold and flint like when you don't get your own way (that's after the waterworks and little girl routine have been exhausted) and then you manage time and time again to come out as the hard done by one. Create a storm and then cry for being rained on. Careful always to ensure that you have somewhere dry to stand, somewhere soft to land - unable or perhaps quite simply unwilling to provide either of these comforts to another. Oh then there's usually someone or multiple people recruited to clean up all the spillage for you.

For the record, at no time did I ask you to 'fix' me. I remember some time ago expressing the fact that I may be a bit depressed, suggesting perhaps that a visit to the doctor was in order and you commenced weeping and saying how YOU did not want me to do that as they would just prescribe me something and YOU didn't like all these people on medication. I accept you probably had a lot to put up with at times with me however, I was vulnerable and grieving and attempting to put up with you. You and your actions, your hostility, control, nasty put downs and downright neediness made me anxious. Hard to be anxious for oneself when there was always so much downright demand always coming from you.

To take a leaf out of your throw-up-the-past-book, it's always actually been 'you, you, you' when it comes to demands and outcomes and always 'me, me, me' (although I am sure there have been a long line of 'me's) when it comes to attributing blame. You are hugely unforgiving of others and certainly not averse yourself to blatant exaggeration and deceit by omission when it creates a bit more color and drama to your story. Dear E, you do like to be in charge of everything and responsible for nothing.

The arsenal of examples and stored anecdotes you may have collected to prove how hard done by you are and actual cruelty you have shown to produce behavior in people (that you then use to vilify them) is actually repugnant. No wonder you need to stage manage and control everyone so tightly, lest they see your underside. Manage it all so they see all light and not the very damaging, destructive and very predatory force that lies within.

I accept that my behavior on many occasions has been unforgivable and I have used harsh words, hit out and reacted badly. I also accept that I may not have treated as you expect, but quite possibly, at times, how you deserved. While my words and actions may have been harsh, you are one vitriolic pot of insecurity which you drip filter onto other people like poison.

While you have told me that you now just want to have a normal relationship, that we are to tumultous and that I am too 'harsh for you', I would just like to thank you for the leave of absence and look forward to you becoming someone else's issue to deal with.

PS: I loved the dramatic performances when you have felt physically threatened in my presence - but then I have always been a fan of amateur theatrics. Suffice to say it's probably wise you didn't follow that career path!

October 28, 2013 - 10:59am
Tigiangel's picture

This is helpful. Thankyou.