Goodbye from Evon
Goodbye from Evon
It’s about that time. Time for me to let it all go. Time for me to be real with you now, and explain myself. It’s been over 5 months since I made the decision for you to leave our home. This was not an easy decision, but I made the decision for ME. When you and I first started talking 7 years ago, I never felt the connection you and I had with anyone else in my life. It felt so real, and so comfortable. I was myself, I was happy.
You told me during Christmas time, during our “closure” conversation, that you chose me to spend the rest of your life with……that when we first met you were ready to settle down and have a family with….you chose me. Parts of me are sympathetic to you still, only because I shared a life with you, and that includes our 3 year old son. Our son is the most amazing thing in this world, you and I created together. My pregnancy was not planned, but we always said if it happens, let it happen. Best surprise of my life!
Your impulsiveness. Where to start. I am a planner, thinker, check things out first kind of girl. I look for the best deals, hottest places, and easiest routes. You on the other hand, go with the flow, which is cool, but not in your late 30’s. You act like a child and you throw temper tantrums. My decision to make you leave was not easy, trust me, but I had to do it. This is about ME, myself and I. I loved you very much, even spent times looking in the mirror saying to myself how lucky I was to have you. I thought what we had was perfect. I was wrong, dead wrong.
The first time you yelled at me because something happened to you, you locked your keys in the semi, about 2 months after we started dating. You yelled at me, remember that? You blamed me for that happening…..why? because I was on the phone with you when it happened, so that was somehow my fault. I remember getting off the phone and crying and thinking to myself, really? You called a few hours later to apologize. I bring this story up because it was the first of many. You would call and complain and bitch about everything, making it my fault, and then apologize later. I am not your punching bag, I told you that thousands of times. You made me feel guilty, you made me feel like there was always something going on behind my back. I know you never “physically” cheated on me, but you did emotionally. I made a rule, a zero tolerance rule about talking to other girls, especially ex’s. Every time you made a promise you broke it, even with blowing me off at the last minute because of some “illness” or you were too tired, or you didn’t feel like going.
What I am looking for now, is a partner who will be my best friend. I don’t need money or material possessions, I need a best friend. You never shared anything with me. I would ask you about what is going on in your friend’s lives, you would say none of your business. I always felt out of place, somehow I just never “fit”. I am over feeling that way.
I know you better than anyone else in this world. I lived with you for 7 years. I know how you eat, sleep, breathe and function. I know that you lived with every girl you ever dated, why? Because you said that’s the best way to get to know someone. You lack common sense, with life, money, family, business, relationships, etc…etc….
I was dying inside for years. I spent days and nights crying my eyes out, and you ignored me and said you learned to tune me out. Thank you for that. What is crazy is what you did after you moved out. Instead of taking the time to figure your life out, you meet a girl, a 24 year old, foreign naïve little girl. You get married and get her pregnant, all within 2 months. Is this rational? No, it’s not, but it’s your life now. It just proves and validates everything I thought for the last 7 years. It proves you never valued me, appreciated me, loved me.
You will never have my friendship, you will never have anything from me ever again. You have called me every name in the book for years. You have criticized me for years. You have blamed me for everything for years. You have done things behind my back for years. I am done living like this. Now I look in the mirror and I see a woman who is getting herself back again. I have my own home, and it’s comfortable now. I like walking into my empty house alone, without you in it. I like that no one is complaining, or sleeping, or complaining, or yelling, or complaining….you see, you complained everyday. I couldn’t take it anymore.
You made your bed, now you have to lie in it. I will be fine, in fact, I will be wonderful again soon. It feels good that I don’t have to take care of you anymore. I have one child now, I had 2 for years, taking care of you exhausted me. I did everything possible to make you happy, you didn’t accept it, so now I am out.
I am grateful to be away from you. My life is better now because I no longer suffer from you….you who is incapable of true love and intimacy. Your moods, watching tv 24/7, the discounting, teasing, critisizms, the put downs, the inability to commit, the constant blowing me off are your issues, and I am no longer concernced with, and I am starting to feel nothing about you and our past. I am starting to feel nothing towards you. Time is on my side now, time will heal me and make me whole again. Time is the only thing I can afford right now