Goodbye N, Hello 2013

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#1 December 31, 2012 - 7:43pm
BackonTrack
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Goodbye N, Hello 2013

Goodbye N,

Today you left me by blocking me and told me not to text you again. This over two innocent texts and later an email to wish you a Happy New Year. You say this was too much contact and "stalkerish." We spent three years being what I thought was friends. I thought that because you told me that so strongly. You said you'd always be there for me. We had so many conversations that meant so much to me. I did things for you that I haven't done for anyone else. I trusted you and believed you cared because you said you did. You were the one that pursued me and set things up in a way that we talked as much as we did. I did not do that.

But because you got bored or I wasn't giving you what you wanted, you turned it around on me and purposely said hurtful things. Notice that I never actually said anything rude or mean to you. The worst I did was a couple unwanted texts when you were ignoring me. I was always a good friend, cared about you, supported you, and was there for you. I let it go when you didn't remember things like my birthday or when you didn't ask about things going on in my life. I sent you pictures like you wanted. I made myself available. You only did those things until you had me. After that you said you couldn't listen to any problems of mine. You didn't have the capacity for it, you said, because it took so much for you to get through the day and deal with your own issues in life. I still cared about you and treasured our talks anyway. For me they were real, for you they were all trying to get NS.

Contacting you and having you ignore, playing hot and cold, has hurt me more than I can say. It made me feel worthless and that I had done something wrong. I know you won't care or understand. I know you have other women that act exactly as you want and will be on call. All I ever really wanted was your friendship. I see now that that's not possible and never will be.

You'll probably think that I'm still hurting, still pining away. But I'm healing. And I will be okay.

January 8, 2013 - 5:49pm
thenewjane
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good for you