Sayonara, Mr. Sensitive & Spiritual

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#1 Apr 17 - 10PM
rosa_lita
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Sayonara, Mr. Sensitive & Spiritual

I'm new on the forum and I can't believe I'm posting this already. The truth is, I've sent so many final "Good-bye" letters to him by e-mail, but none of them have "stuck". He was always able to respond in a way that drew me back in to his drama. This time I am determined to stick to my goal of "no contact". Plus I don't want to go through the pain of my genuine sadness being ignored (again) by the man who I foolishly believed was my soul-mate. Maybe if I post this here I will receive some genuine responses from people who actually have feelings :/

* * * * *
Dear S.,

Our last e-mail few exchanges might have made me feel sorry for you, if I didn't know better. Your default response to the emotions of others is simply anger … the most superficial and primitive of all feelings. This is very strange for a man who likes to think of himself as "sensitive" and "spiritual". You have never been able to respond to my emotional and heartfelt e-mails with any of the deeper feelings of warmth, tenderness, empathy or compassion, despite the fifteen year history between us. Maybe you simply didn't feel these things towards me, despite your claim to love me "unconditionally". I now understand that "unconditional love" is a euphemism in your vocabulary for "utter contemptuous indifference". I now believe that you are incapable of extending your feelings for another person beyond the "honeymoon" stages of a relationship. Does your deficit of emotion make you someone to be pitied? Or does it make you a "monster" as you said yourself?

Our relationship felt like hand in glove for so long. You delivered my share of suffering and I became your constant supply of distant adoration. You've always known in the back of your mind that I am somewhere in the world, pining my heart out for you. I now believe that’s all you've ever wanted from me. Of course you were right that our relationship was all just a fantasy in my head. You were right to ridicule me for thinking you were the love of my life. One thing for sure is that I allowed you to fuel some seriously unhealthy dependency needs in me. Now that I recognize that is what you were doing, I can set myself free. This is a gift and a grace that is finally bringing me peace.

You say that you'll see me "in the future". You love to keep things open-ended, don't you? You think it will keep me hanging on forever. Well, perhaps as you say, we will meet again one day. On that day you will be lucky if I acknowledge your existence. It's much more likely that I'll be walking or rather, running in the opposite direction. For now, I've done enough analyzing and ruminating about our relationship. I am moving on to a new cycle of emotional freedom in my life, where I can be a fully independent person as I never have before. I'm glad that this long chapter of learning is over. I always thought that people were basically good and decent. You have lifted the blinders off my once naive and innocent eyes. I now know that there are people in the world that I can't trust; people who don't have good intentions and whose hearts are cold as stone.

From this day forward my time and energy will be devoted to my family and the people who are truly able to love me back in this beautiful present moment. Goodbye forever.

Apr 18 - 6PM
rosa_lita
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Thank you!

Apr 19 - 5AM (Reply to #4)
no more an echo
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more on 'quasi-relationships'

Apr 19 - 4PM (Reply to #5)
rosa_lita
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No Prince ... more like Quasimodo!

Apr 19 - 7PM (Reply to #6)
no more an echo
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'Quasimodo' the emotional hunchback

Apr 18 - 12AM
no more an echo
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yes, pity the monster

Apr 17 - 11PM
freaked
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Great! Just remove that