Some encouragement for you Newbies

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#1 March 20, 2012 - 6:41pm
Anonymous (not verified)
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Some encouragement for you Newbies

It's my 2 month NC anniversary. Yeah! The idiot broke up w/me over the phone after 2 years together & living in my home. How classy! At first it was very hard not having closure. I made my own closure by going NC. My daughter is in contact w/him over some money issues. He actually texted her yesterday "Doesn't your mom want to talk to me"?. Her first response was to text back...Wow...No shit sherlock, it's been 2 months. But she simply said "read your email". I have a third person e mail back & forth until all of our affairs are settled.(We are in 2 different parts of the country). I have made some significant discoveries about myself now that my fog has lifted.

At first it was truly all about him as i tried to sort out what just happened to me. But in the 2nd month, my focus shifted to me, thanks to this forum. I still have a boatload of issues to work through but I've discovered that I was wanting to be "rescued". After being in a toxic marriage for 30+ years, I lost my sounding board for my business, my maintenance man for my home, and a body to fill the lonely places at night.

I also discovered that I am a bit of a Narc myself. I love attention, love to flirt & be the apple of some mans eye.

Now I am certain that my XNBF carefully studied me to rape my vulnerabilities. He propped me up in all the right places, saying all the right things.

I didn't think I would ever stop crying. I read the posts from people on here & the mods & I truly thought "I" was different, "I" would not recover. But I am on my way!!! Yeah!!! Truly, i don't think about what he's doing, who he's with, what he's saying about me etc. I am even thinking of forgiving him.

So please hang in there all you new victims. It does get better the longer you go NC, gain strenght & respect. NC = I no longer care (aka....FU)

March 20, 2012 - 9:48pm


Thanks for sharing. Its always good to hear the stories llike this. I'm 14 days nc. And today I had a melt down. I was on the phone crying with my girlfriend , saying I feel like this pain is never going to go away. One minute I feel like im ok , the next minute i'm angry, the next minute im numb, the next minute im sad and hurting so bad, the next minute im angry again, one minute i feel stupid, used and abused, the next minute i miss him....all of this while having these inccesive thoughts of EVERYTHING involving him and our relationship. I feel like sometimes, I'm never going to feel happy again. I feel so drained!

March 21, 2012 - 7:40am (Reply to #5)

Wow you have just written

Wow you have just written EXACTLY how I feel in a nutshell !!

Im 10 days NC today and it is very draining having so much energy focused on him. I feel like there is someone on my shoulder continually saying his name over and over into my ear all day all night. I want to scream sometimes .I WANT TO RIP HIM APART THEN HUG HIM . AHHH IT HURTS SO MUCH !!

But one foot in front of the other, keep busy, go to work no sitting hiding in bed, reconnect with friends you have put to one side for him , READ READ READ on this wonderful forum that gives me soooo much strength.


The therapeutic value of one abused woman helping another IS without parallel.
Stay strong we will not stay in darkness forever, light always rules over darkness... just keep walking..... We are all holding hands walking right behind you . Sometimes we may break hands and wander off for a bit, but hear us here, hear the kind loving supporting voices of us all calling you back to feel safe and understood again.


March 20, 2012 - 11:41pm (Reply to #4)
shock and awe.some (not verified)
Anonymous's picture


It is very like a roller coaster. Your feelings are up & down and bubbling right under the surface. It makes no sense and it's sooooooo unfair. A one sided relationship. But u know what? NC will get u there. After awhile you will have clarity and begin to see the truth. It will be a good opportunity for your growth. Growing Hugs n peace 2 u gf

March 20, 2012 - 9:18pm

Thank u

Thank you..... It's nice to know there is light at the end of the tunnel :)

March 20, 2012 - 7:04pm

very inspiring

Thank you so much. It's great to see someone thriving like you.

I started to think that I was a narc too. However my therapist told me that a lot of people when discovering about their NPs start to think they are narcs, but there is a big difference between being selfish or even slightly self absorbed from being a narc. Her personal definition is that if you don't use your selfishness to hurt and control others you are not a narc. I thought it was interesting.

Keep up the great work and keep sharing!

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