Question on the intent of the Psychopaths need to destroy

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#1 February 6, 2012 - 3:44pm
neverlookback
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Question on the intent of the Psychopaths need to destroy

Yes can you believe I have a question? lol trust me I do will never know all the answers to how these predators think - maybe some of those that were involved with a true path can shed some light on this question.

I have thought about this quite often - We know to "conquer and divide" is a common tactic of a psychopath; to isolate their victim and have them solely dependent on them. Do you believe there are some psychopaths that do not want to push their victims over the edge in fear that the victims that DO have support systems in their life such as family and in my case my husband and children might figure out what happened and would come after them? In other words, they simply do not want the hassle in their lives knowing they were the cause of some victims total break down and/or verge of suicide - not that they would personally care in any way their victim suffered because this is what they pride themselves in - to basically see others suffer.

These psychopaths take HUGE HUGE risks in the damage they do; its a particularly dangerous game to predate on a lonely, abused married woman - as many married women who have fallen victim to them have come forth and confessed to their husbands what happened and have gone on to counseling and have saved and rebuilt their marriages. My x path had a GF (oh of course he claimed the relationship was not good) but I often wonder how he would like himself exposed to his live in GF and what he goes around doing to unhappy married women?

So I wonder if the smart paths are very very careful to not push their victims over the edge and know when to stop and let the victim go?

Any takers on this theory? Would love your input

February 6, 2012 - 11:38pm
alicepaul
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I think the smarter ones know when to back off.

Mine told me that if I ever told G (one of my best friends) about him and I, he would kill me. At the time I thought it was a figure of speech, but in light of his other traits I'm not sure he didn't mean it. He was highly paranoid about anyone finding out, thereby ruining his perfect family man image and instigating a costly divorce that would leave him with nothing. He told me it was not so much because of his wife but because of their kids. I promised him I would keep everything confidential. Now that I'm no longer under his spell, I made sure to tell at least one person the whole thing, including revealing who he is. I did this just in case he tried to follow through on his threat. I am only going to tell a few more people about it, but no one that we both know. F**k him, I'm not keeping his dirty secrets anymore. He hasn't hoovered or tried to contact me since I went NC. I think he's being smart and just letting it be, but if he EVER threatens me again, kidding or not, my three brothers won't hesitate to break him in half. It does make me happy though that hundreds of people every day are reading my posts on this site about him, albeit anonymously.
February 7, 2012 - 12:01am (Reply to #8)
aceonelady
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There is no such thing as a smart NARC...

They are dumb mean asses in my opinion...(EXCUSE MY FRENCH) wHO WANTS TO LIVE WITH SO MUCH MAYHEM,PLUS RISKING RETALIATIONS,LAW SUITS,FINANCIAL UPHEAVEAL,AND RISKING JAIL LIKE MY EX THAT ABUSED HIS 15 YEAR OLD DAUGHTER AND SHE WENT TO THE POLICE ...THERE ARE nARCS THAT HAVE A BIT OF LUCK,BUT SMART NO,AND BEING LUCKY DO NOT LAST FOREVER...I HOPE MINE GETS WHAT HE DESERVES AND MORE...WHAT A LIFE,3 KIDS,SHITTY LOW PAYING JOB,NO FURNITURE AND CHILD SUPPORT FOR 3...HIS SON ON THE INTERNET TELLING HE IS GAY,HIS DAUGHTER AT 18 YEARS OF AGE ALREADY A SINGLE MOTHER AND ON f ACEBOOK ASKING FOR A GUN...BECAUSE HER LIFE SUCKS...HIS EX GIRLFRIEND WITH AN ULCER AND COPD....wHAT A GREAT LIFE....NO,THERE ARE NO SMART nARCS THEY ARE ALL FUCKED UP..LAST I HEARD FROM HIM WAS HIM TELLING ME ALL HE WANTS AND NEEDS IS HIS OWN DEATH....

Aceonelady

February 6, 2012 - 10:49pm
harlemgurl
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When I exposed my Narc ex to

When I exposed my Narc ex to my neighbors and exposed his rage filled ways he was utterly humiliated. He was no longer perfect in the eyes of others. So many people thought he was the good guy. In the beginning I was the girl who played "nice" and hid his abusive sadistic ways. I used to cover up his berating rages and convinced myself that they were one time occurrences or that I had them and him under control. Boy was I wrong. When their behavior is no longer secret its only a matter of time before they Dump and Discard. By the time they erode your boundaries they've already determined the amount of control and potential influence they'll have over you. It's pretty calculating. Abusers are essentially bullies; they know who you have in your corner and have already sized up if "your corner" will get in the way of their goal of supreme control. If you have a strong loving support system of family members and friends and you haven't responded well to their isolation tactics they're pretty much all but gone. I don't have protective family members and few friends understand the level of abuse I've experienced so I was ripe for my Narcs abusive controlling ways. Unfortunately I confused his need for control as love. Going to my neighbors for help gave me the courage to call the authorities, end the relationship and ask for an order of protection. Narcs are about all abuse inflicting abuse and control. If they can't hurt you and hurt you well there's nothing in it for them. HG
February 6, 2012 - 11:18pm (Reply to #6)
neverlookback
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I think

you hit the nail on the head, its about control and if they no longer have it over you its not fun anymore for them period. As long as you are a willing participant in their game they will keep on trying to destroy you.
February 6, 2012 - 4:05pm
spinning
spinning's picture

nlb, mine knew

when to "stop and let go" because at the time he was manipulating and brainwashing me, there was a large 'rift' and/or split in my family. He knew this and actually "encouraged" the dilemma, though I still went to obligatory family functions with him as my "coach" from a far (I never brought him). When my father became seriously ill and I wanted to do whatever I could to help, I went to my family and all past angst was forgiven and forgotten and we were a strong unit again. He knew my family made me strong. He knew about all of it because before the divide, my sisters and family were exceedingly close and protective of each other. After I took him to two functions (and regretted it hugely), he saw it with his own eyes. When I began to put my dad's needs above his, he knew their influence would change me. He didn't know I also had the influence of The Path Forward, which I had discovered a few months before that. Anyhow, he high-tailed it at a most inopportune time for me, knowing that his disappearing act abandonment would really send me "spinning." It did, too, after my dad passed away and I was finally left to deal with the whole thing. But his ultimate plan to destroy my very core and soul by erasing me after six years DID NOT WORK cause here I am. Happier, stronger, and smarter than ever. He wouldn't dare show his face now...not to mention what my family would do. Hope this helps some. xoxox to you, dear nlb. I'm so glad you (and I) are on the other side and loving it! (not) spinning. THE SICK M'FER TRIED REALLY HARD BUT HE COULDN'T TAKE ME DOWN!

spinning

February 6, 2012 - 11:32pm (Reply to #4)
neverlookback
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Spin

But his ultimate plan to destroy my very core and soul by erasing me after six years DID NOT WORK You struck a nerve here, his final proxy was to finish me off by his final exit - they think they have the power to further destroy you by their silence as if you never existed. What they dont realize is that NC only empowers us to see the truth in how sick they were - I already figured out long before I left that nobody really exists to them, even when you are standing right in front of them, ha ha The only way you can exist is if you hold up a mirror Thanks for reminding me xoxo
February 6, 2012 - 3:53pm
Used
Used's picture

nlb

I asked myself this question about exn... All the women he hurt when he was invloved with them...I wondered why there family hadnt done anything.... Ifound out about 3married women he used to be involved with...... There HUSBANDS wouldnt say BOO TO A GOOSE... I have since *learned in a roundabout way*, that to a degree, while checking out women....he checks who their family is as well.... and if they have any back up.... one ex who accused him of something...he took his sister round to the ex, the sister threated the ex...so no more was done....I have also had a lightbulb moment about this... THANKS....
February 6, 2012 - 4:21pm (Reply to #2)
neverlookback
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Used

I supposed at this stage of my recovery this really does not matter but I have to wonder if some of them let you go because they see your demise and they think, "I better just release her before she ends up in the hospital and then her whole family comes after me - I had such a gut feeling that my x path wanted to make sure I was a willing participant in his sick game and if I couldnt handle it then he had no choice but to let me go and not hoover - oh yes and my x path also knew the details of my family as well - in fact early in the relationship he wanted to know if my husband owned a gun, mmmmmm - why? are you worried about something? I recall in my first attempt of nc over a year and a half back when I broke the nc one of the first things he said to me, where did you go? I thought maybe you had some sort of nervous break down or something and I am not going to pursue someone who doesnt want to see me and ignores my calls - so again I think it was his way of saying, your the one who couldnt handle it so I just let ya go but now that your back I can play the game with you again ..... shortly after that a few months later I permanently ended it. Maybe it depends on who the victims is, I think the smart ones are REAL careful with married women, he knows better than to expose me because I could do the same to him - I am just glad the freak is gone, but I dont even think its safe to be around someone who has so many enemies, and they have enemies, LOTS OF THEM