Hello! I'm so thankful that this site exists, because while I just joined over the weekend, I've been lurking for about five months and it has helped tremendously.
In a nutshell--married to narc for over 15 years, and always knew there was something "off" about him, but I'd come directly out of a 7-year marriage to an abusive (physically/sexually/emotionally) alcoholic, so Narc seemed like a prince in comparison.
Our marriage has always been very rocky--normal people don't separate three or more times a year and then get back together.
He promised me "marriage counseling" this past summer after a particularly horrible fight between us ended up with me in the ER due to an overdose (deliberate suicide attempt)and a week-long stay in a mental institution, where one of the therapists delicately informed me that if the counseling didn't work, I needed to get out of the marriage.
Found out in my therapy about a month later that he is a probable narc. I'm sure he is, but of course the diagnosis is a guess due to his behavior.
Husband works overseas for six weeks on/then is home for six weeks. So he had to leave again about three weeks after I'd been released from the hospital, and three weeks after THAT (six weeks post-suicide attempt), he emailed me and told me he wanted a divorce.
I'd quit my job to stay home so we could spend time together when he was home, so I had no job, was here totally alone (empty-nesters), and I just couldn't believe that he'd gone from "I-love-you-take-care-of-yourself" to "flaming asshole" in less than 20 hours---online, no less. No phone calls. Skype messages and emails. That's how I got dumped.
He got back from overseas, and then yo-yo'd back and forth for a few weeks, offering to do counseling, then no, he wanted a divorce.
He interrupted a visit I had at my parents' house (they live far from us and I don't get to visit often) by driving over and offering everything I wanted to hear--we own an old house that needs much work, and he told me how we'd go home and get the flooring replaced, he already had counseling set up, etc. I fell for it, totally.
Next day, he left the state in a huff because he FOUND OUT I HAD THE AUDACITY TO CALL A LAWYER AND SET UP AN APPOINTMENT WHEN HE INITIALLY TOLD ME HE WANTED A DIVORCE! I told him that he was crazy--NORMAL PEOPLE CONSULT LAWYERS when they get divorced! Set him off.
He called the next day and said he'd keep the counseling appointment, and I drove halfway home (2-day drive total) and he surprised me on the phone by saying he'd cancelled the appointment and had filed for divorce instead.
You'd think after 15+ years of crap, I'd be happy, but I fell apart yet again. He has had serious "mommy/abandonment issues" forever, and due to that, I never thought he'd really leave me.
My therapist said that he wouldn't have left if he didn't have Supply set up somewhere, and sure enough, he'd hooked up with an ex-girlfriend.
So. His offer in the divorce was: he takes everything, I take my car and $3000, and my personal belongings, and I leave.
He makes over $110,000 a year.
Yesterday I signed my proposal at my lawyer's office, and we are taking him for everything but his testicles.
Sorry so long; wanted to get it all out in one post. I can't tell you all what a blessing it is to be able to hop on here in the down moments and get picked back up. There are always tons of things going on that I can relate to.