"20 Identifiable Traits of a Female Narcissist"

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#1 August 30, 2011 - 4:17pm
LuckySpurs
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"20 Identifiable Traits of a Female Narcissist"

Here's a link to an article I like, helping to showcase the personality disorder in women.

http://www.hookingupsmart.com/2010/06/28/relationshipstrategies/20-ident...

Female narcs are just as bad as male narcs. My female narc had me convinced she was being battered and had me testify in court against her ex-husband to get a restraining order against him. Of course, I did and the judge took my former friend's side and granted the restraining order.

I thought it was comical at the time that the defense was that my former friend was actually the abuser and not him. How on earth could he ever think that accusation would stick? She was sweetest person on the face of the planet.

WRONG! Fast forward a year and I get to see the raging beast that she really is because we were roommates at the time! By this time she was constantly attacking me emotionally and verbally & blaming me for her behavior. At the end her rage could not be denied. I had been duped!

I apologized to the ex-husband of my former friend because now I too knew the real person she was. Thankfully, he accepted my apology. Turned out he was the one always having to defend himself from her physical attacks. She would rage at him on an almost daily basis at the end of their relationship.

During the restaining order hearing against her soon to be ex husband, my former friend already had another on the hook. Yes, she was already with a new victim & she used the "battered woman" story to get close to him instantly. Now that poor guy's getting duped.

September 14, 2011 - 9:41pm
PhoebeR
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Good observation and information

Thanks for the story, sorry all that happened, but glad you were able to apologize to her ex husband. It;s hard when we get pulled into things and feel like we have no control. Last year while I was going through my divorce from my now ex N, my now ex best friend said we should take a trip to New Orleans together. Sounded great, she and I had not been anywhere in a long time, and I could use the break. So after she decides where we are staying, we meet each other at the airport for a connecting flight. She sits in her seat restless saying she was bored, so I give her my magazine. I had never been to New Orleans before, she had so I let her take the lead. I only wanted to do two things, ghost tour and Cafe De Monde, Once we did that I left it up to her. So she would suggest things, i would say sure, we would spend time wandering, then she would want to take a nap mid-day, even though i was not tired. But i said sure, even though i dont take naps. She also met up and slept with some guy she knew would be in town, so I spent a few nights alone, which was ok, I needed the rest from her. So one afternoon, after another of our now scheduled naps, she comes bursting into the room in a huff, telling me she was tired of doing everything I wanted to do, and she was going out to a club, and if i wanted to join her I could. I was shocked, WTF, the whole time i was following her lead, since I had never been there and also, at the time it was what i did, follow. So she would not have to be in a strange town by herself i said, ok. And that I was not trying to run things, i was following her lead. It was odd, she was freaked out and yelling at me. Turns out the club she wanted to go to, was not even open, apparently she was too busy complaining to check to see if it was open. So we ended up at a restaurant. It was at that point i realized how selfish she was. I had known her for over 15 years and thought back to all the times we spent together I always did what she wanted. It is sad when the person you thought you knew turns out to be selfish and manipulative. Now i am struggling with all this, losing her friendship and healing from PTSD. Divorcing my ex N was easier then ending this N friendship. Everyday is a struggle but I know I am better off. Sad things is, i cant watch anything with New Orleans in it on TV, brings back to many bad memories.
September 15, 2011 - 11:34am (Reply to #5)
LuckySpurs
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Wow!

Isn't it ironic that the first person to call someone else "selfish" is the narc? I'm sorry to hear about the vacation from hell. I feel the same way about Daytona Beach as you feel about New Orleans now. A few months before the "final" D&D from her, we went on vacation (if you can call it that) to Daytona Beach, Florida. It was a sort of a work/play vacation because we were there for a dance competition. I had 2 girls doing a number in it that I had taught them and my narc was the studio owner as well as my best friend and roommate at the time. She and I and her new boyfriend all shared a room at the hotel too. I arrived at night, very groggy and jet lagged and I had taken a couple of Xanax that my doc had prescribed me because I was so scared of flying at that time. The xanax actually made me ill. I haven't taken any since and that was back in 04. The next morning my "friend" decides to attack me for my "terrible behavior" the night before. You know the part where I got sick and threw-up, yea, that terrible behavior. (Nevermind that she was a HUGE pill addict at this time and took handfuls of pills everyday, including Xanax) I wasn't a pill addict, at all. And I didn't think I did anything to warrant the way she attacked me. You see my friend and her boyfriend picked me up from the airport in Florida because I had to work most of that week and my friend and her boyfriend and my friend's parents and 2 other (18 & under) girls drove to Florida. The 2 other girls had been hating on me for some time by now because my "friend" had been telling them all these crazy lies about me and how I was a horrible human being, but she would turn it around on them to me, but it was really her instigating the whole "mean girl scene" if you will. She made me apoligize to her boyfriend (I still don't know what for, but I did, you know because it was ALWAYS MY FAULT). My "best friend" saw the opportunity to really dig her claws into me and she did with great joy! I was excluded from everyone for 2 out of the 3 days I was there. I had to hang out on the beach by myself, good thing I had a good book. I had to sit by myself at the competition. I had to eat alone. My 2 students were very sweet and kind though, as well as their parents. But I felt so alone. I remember calling my good friend and just crying to him and him trying to comfort me but couldn't because I was over 1,000 miles away. (I can't believe this is making me cry right now!) But thank goodness, I did get some satisfaction. The 2 girls that were 18 & 16, who my best friend hung out with instead of me (& she was 23 at the time), started getting berated by complete strangers for their "annoying" behavior. Seriously, they had so many random people tell them to "shut up" and "act your age" it was quite embarrassing. I thought it was funny that they were saying, "well everybody's just jealous cause we're from Texas." Stupid excuse! I was embarrassed to be associated with them and guess what, so was my best friend. The last day we were there she woke up in a new world where she and I had never fought and she had never excluded me for her "mean girl game". We were to form an alliance against the 2 girls. I was fed up! I remember thinking, "Thank God, I won't have to see her for another week or so!" That was it for me, working for her (and never getting paid & being treated like crap) was over! This "mean girl" thing that she kept trying to instigate really wore on me. I hate that kind of stuff, not to mention, I was 25 at the time and saw no need to be involved with teenage girls & fighting with them. How immature. I wanted no part of it. They are kids for crying out loud! Those teen girls have now grown up and have nothing to do with the narc. One of them followed me in my career path and the other is in the Air Force. My former best friend now has new teenage girls she hangs out with all the time. Yep, she's 31 and they're still 16-18. I think my narc's emotional age must be somewhere in that age range, if not a little younger, like 12 or something.
September 17, 2011 - 10:33pm (Reply to #6)
PhoebeR
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Amazing huh LuckySpurs?

It truly is amazing when you hear other peoples stories how similar they sound. I can so relate especially the part about tantrums. I hope that you can one day go back to Daytona beach and I can make it back to New Orleans without bad memories. I had to delete all the pics she was in from that trip that helped. Like with everything, it takes time.
August 31, 2011 - 6:39pm
megamillion
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Laugh or Cry

THANK YOU for this LuckySpurs - I read this yesterday and then couldn't post a reply as the site was down. I'm not sure whether to laugh or cry about these traits. ExN displayed ALL of them with slight variations of the some of the physical traits - like she didn't want plastic surgery but was self/body-obsessed and had food issues... *control* and she liked to dress uniquely - in all black - and didn't have the money for big brands; but her sport gear/shoes/equipment was always brand name. Everything she owned had to be new (whereas I am a HUGE vintage junkie and repurposer). What was even more shocking is that exN displayed the 14 Character traits consistently, nearly EVERY SINGLE DAY. Not just "oh yeah, once in a while, she did that". No, it was so pervasive that it is a wonder I could deal with being around her (!!). It is like I made these behaviors "normal", I rationalized it all in my head, so that I could extend that idealized/dream phase. I have to admit that I am really struggling today with the gravity of the situation - how I worked so hard to hold the relationship together with someone who was so entirely focused on herself, competitive with everyone else (and not only said it was me but rubbed off on me), and malicious/unempathetic. I think I was a perfect target because all she had to do was say "but I love you so much, you're the love of my life" and I found ways to excuse or rationalize the things she did. For a bit of humor (disgust?), in relation to the last physical trait: "She enjoys being photographed, and often asks others to snap her picture." Her family loves to share an anecdote about her childhood: whenever she was crying or being unruly maybe under the age of 5, they would pull out a camera and pretend to take her picture saying "click, click" - which would cause her to stop whatever she was doing and immediately pose and perform for the camera. Sadly this seems to not have changed as she aged... Thanks again for this article - I'm using it to call up memories to add to my list(s). xxx Mega
September 17, 2011 - 8:26pm (Reply to #3)
rosedewittbukater
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Wow Mega

Wow! What a sad but interesting anecdote about your N's childhood! The camera as a pacifier - hmmm!! It made me recall something about my xN. One of the first huge red flags was what I now like to refer to as the "photo album" incident. You know how when you are getting to know someone, you share your photos or photo albums with them? Well, xN showed me 6 of hers. I showed her ONE of mine, and she had enough and wasn't interested in seeing the rest. BTW, are you sure we weren't dating the same woman? lol Mine sounds ALOT like yours!!!
September 1, 2011 - 10:26am (Reply to #2)
LuckySpurs
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Professional Photography

Lol, Mega, my former friend, the narc, loves getting her picture taken professionally and by amateurs. Lol! Her mother started her on this path though,as the mother is also a narc (I believe). You know those HUGE photos you can have done, like 3ft.x 4ft.? She had/has those all over her parents house and her own house and she had a "wall" in her living room that displayed all her accomplishments, trophies and a crown she won at a pageant one time back 15 years ago, but it's still on display for all to see. However, no such "wall" for her husband or her daughter. She, of course, puts up these professional photos on facebook too. Of course, I feel I need to clarify as not to hurt any feelings, that getting your pic taken professionally is not in itself narcissistic, but the way those photos are used and presented and how often they have pics done all play into this trait. Cause I would love to have some professional pics done of me and my husband & the only time I've had professional pics taken before that was Senior Portraits and then my Wedding Portrait. My former friend also fancies herself a "model" and actually tried to open a "modeling" school that failed miserably before it even really got off the ground. And, no, you won't see her in any publications though. lol.