"The Holiday" Movie and "Jasper"

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#1 Oct 13 - 5AM

jen79

"The Holiday" Movie and "Jasper"

Just watched "the holiday" yesterday. Does anyone of you know this film.

Gosh I saw this film before, but now I can sooo much relate to Kate Winslet and her Jasper.

I swear, this is just so much written for me this part, and Jasper is so much like the actor P.

All this BS he throws at her, to keep her reeled in.

This movie was so good for me yesterday.

As Kate says at the end: I will live my life to the fullest and you are not in it.

Gosh! I love this movie!

#2 Oct 16 - 10AM

Susan32

Sorry for brief change of subject..

When this forum goes private, I'll post the link for the ex-P's essay titled "Wittgenstein, Tolstoy and the Meaning of Life."

#3 Oct 13 - 10AM

jen79

this is a video showing that quote

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pnnHO6mgr7U&feature=related

#4 Oct 13 - 10AM

hopefuljms

The movie was written and

The movie was written and directed by Nancy Meyers and she also wrote Somthing's Gotta Give with Diane Keating and It's Complicated with Meryl Streep. She definitely has the NARC characters down pat. Between Jack Nickelson and Alec Baldwin their characters are both NARC's to the nth degree. I always felt the ending where Jack goes back to Diane as a little false but loved that movie anyway.

#5 Oct 13 - 3PM (Reply to #24)

Sherbear

HOLY CRAP!

YEah, I would say that the writer has had her share of NARCS. Didn't know she wrote all them. Cool!

#6 Oct 13 - 10AM (Reply to #22)

jen79

OMG Something's gotta give

OMG!!!! I can so much relate to this movie as well, especially the scene on the street, after she caught him with the woman in the restaurant!!! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SxZu0NiUxns&feature=related I thought wow, Jack Nickolson is just as my P...yes that was unrealistic, he seeing the light and going back to her! I didnt see "its complicated" yet, need to!

#7 Oct 13 - 3PM (Reply to #23)

Sherbear

OMG!!

You have got to see It's Complicated!!!!!!! It is soooooo freaking funny and the storyline is unbeleivable! Watch it tonight!!!!!

#8 Oct 13 - 9AM

terri

LOVE LOVE this movie too!

There are three narcs in this movie - not just the Jasper character. The Edward Burns character (Diaz's) live-in boyfriend who finally admits he's been cheating with his assistant, and Jack Black's actress-girlfriend character who has a fling with someone on a movie-set. All three do whatever they want, break their partners' hearts, and then come back like they'll get taken right back. I too watched this movie from a whole new point of view after experiencing my narc relationship. And it is so empowering to watch all three characters finally summoning their inner strength and moving onto new, healthier relationships with better people. I loved the ending where they've all come together - it gave me such a hopeful feeling about how good the future can be when we make up our minds to move on.

Believe in yourself!
Terri

#9 Oct 13 - 3PM (Reply to #14)

Sherbear

Good eye on the Narcs Terri!!

You are so right, those 3 were definately all narcs. Great movie and I too find it powerful to watch them gain their strength and move on with their life. I so can relate to Kate's character in the Holiday. I found her so kind and warm and generous and giving and comforting and that is exactly what I was to the narc but I am realizing that I still am ALL those things. I don't deserve to be treated with disrespect and I know that with time and space, I am emerging again. I think I need to watch it again now. I think it will hit even more different now.

#10 Oct 13 - 3PM (Reply to #15)

terri

just a thought

As I've been reading and studying about relationships over the last several months, I've started to realize the errors of my ways. I had two parents that were both narcissistic and have most definitely been primed for relationship disaster. What smart women get early on (and hopefully the rest of us eventually) is that MEN are supposed to be the ones who court and conquer the female heart and mind. They are biologically programmed to "win" their mate and actually prefer to be the aggressor. We (women) should really be sitting back and allowing them to win us over - not the other way around. There is certainly nothing wrong with loving and nurturing the relationship - BUT, BEFORE we are at that place, we need to be convinced that the guy is well worth our trouble - and certainly well worth our trust and commitment. In my own experience with the exN, somehow I became the one (in a few months) that was having to prove myself to him - WTF!! I can see now that due to my development as a co-dependent personality, I just didn't see what was going on. I was too easy to manipulate. If a man is not doing the work to get you and keep you - RUN FOR THE HILLS! And don't let him convince you that it's YOUR job to win him!! Just sayin.... :)

Believe in yourself!
Terri

#11 Oct 13 - 5PM (Reply to #17)

Susan32

Life's passive partner

One of my friends observed after the D&D that what was weird about the ex-Psych professor was that he WANTED me to do the pursuing... NOT him! Even when he moved his seminar from classroom to classroom, he WANTED me to pursue him. The ex-Psych professor was incredibly passive. He somehow expected things to happen... and this makes me sick... I think he expected me to kill myself as a result of his rejection (or attempt to) Men NATURALLY are protectors. There's one book that says "Men want to be your HEROES." Narcs/Psychs are NOT that way. NORMAL men protect the weak. NORMAL men help those who are hurting. NORMAL men want to be heroes, not hurters. I read an advice column yesterday, and the columnist said "A REAL man does not put a woman in a vulnerable position." (A 15 year old was saying her 18 year old boyfriend wanted to impregnate her to prove his manliness) And Narcs/Psychs do EXACTLY that. They put us in emotionally/physically vulnerable positions.

#12 Oct 13 - 5PM (Reply to #18)

jen79

I am sure some of them think they are heroes

I read somewhere in an interview of the N: What do you admire most? N: heroes. and "I like playing heroes". I think, they always find within themselves "a reason" why they abused us. They will protect their image even for themselves.

#13 Oct 13 - 5PM (Reply to #19)

Susan32

Well...unless we take our jackhammers to their image...

For the ex-Psych professor, his reason was that he was "teaching me a lesson." (Sam Vaknin said that that's common reasoning among Narcs) I'm sure the ex-P felt quite cheered when I've occasionally broken NC to call him a lying, arrogant bully and comparing him to my nephew in an unfavorable way (their fathers have the same name--it was an opportunity, I took advantage of it) Oh yeah, "playing heroes"... different from BEING heroic. And if you want to be bored silly, you can read the ex-P's essay "Wittgenstein, Tolstoy and the Meaning of Life." You may want java, and lots of it.

#14 Oct 13 - 5PM (Reply to #20)

jen79

Oh that would be great Susan

send me the link! By the way, I worked 6 years for a total P, ex philosophy student (he didnt finish, he didnt "need" to, cause he knows already "everything"). He had a totally God-complex, and he was dead serious about it, that ALL his point of views about any subject ARE OBJECTIVE. And he was way too interested in young little girls. Child molester...and he was sexual abused as a young child, but of course "it didnt impact him at all, sex with young kids is normal, look the ancient greeks". He had a total victim wife, she even got cancer and was total psycho from all the years of manipulation as well, she believed and hang on every word he said, and she was so submissive that it was disgusting, guess thats why the cancer from all the surpressed anger. So I can imagine what you are talking about. Though I was never interested in him, this 6 years have impacted me deeply, not so much like if I would have been interested in him, but the abuse was even thousand times worse, cause he didnt like that I wasnt interested in him, and I was (I thought I was) dependent on that job for my studies. Now I am gone from there, and this was the best decision ever! And I swear to god, I will never ever stay in a toxic work enviorment again! Never ever. Lesson learned for life.

#15 Oct 13 - 4PM (Reply to #16)

jen79

maybe thats the best lesson

I got from that all. And thank god I learned that with the most evil person on earth, so I didnt lose anything through learning that. Never ever I will let myself tell through anyone, that I have to prove myself through him (or her). When I look back now, I think WTF was going on within me? Its like I've been another person? Or mayb its just my mind being so clear now, that I cant understand the whole roller coaster anymore...

#16 Oct 13 - 9AM

Sherbear

I love Kate's Hollywood Producer friend.....

The scene when he tells her....."You are a leading lady, but you are acting like the best friend." She forgot who she was!! Like we all have forgotten who we were before the narcs came whirling in.

#17 Oct 13 - 9AM (Reply to #12)

jen79

thats the best part

it hits nails and is short, just right to remember and to bring you back in place, stop acting like the best friend!

#18 Oct 13 - 9AM (Reply to #9)

Sherbear

Iris's quote to Miles....love it.

Iris: I understand feeling as small and as insignificant as humanly possible. And how it can actually ache in places you didn't know you had inside you. And it doesn't matter how many new haircuts you get, or gyms you join, or how many glasses of chardonnay you drink with your girlfriends... you still go to bed every night going over every detail and wonder what you did wrong or how you could have misunderstood. And how in the hell for that brief moment you could think that you were that happy. And sometimes you can even convince yourself that he'll see the light and show up at your door. And after all that, however long all that may be, you'll go somewhere new. And you'll meet people who make you feel worthwhile again. And little pieces of your soul will finally come back. And all that fuzzy stuff, those years of your life that you wasted, that will eventually begin to fade.

#19 Oct 13 - 10AM (Reply to #11)

hopefuljms

I literally cry every time I

I literally cry every time I hear that passage. Even reading makes me tear up. It is so completely true and exemplifies how I feel. It sucks!!!

#20 Oct 13 - 9AM (Reply to #10)

jen79

I love that quote

It is written out of experience, you cant write that out of nowhere. It so well describes how you feel and slowely stand up again....and all the little pieces of your soul will finally come back....

#21 Oct 13 - 7AM

hopefuljms

I loved it so much I bought

I loved it so much I bought the DVD!!!! It is as if they were telling my story! I dated my N for 6 1/2 years. For the past 3 years he hoovered me with thousands of voice mails, emails and txt messages. Told me he was happiest when he was with me. He Told 2 of his friends in January that he wanted to marry me and spend the rest of his life with me. I found out in April that he was already engaged and had been for 3 years.. 3 months after we broke up!!! Once I found out he rushed her to the alter. I found out yesterday that after 8 months he reached out to one of the people he told he wanted to marry me. I am very curious as to why after being caught in such a huge lie he would ever reach out to any of us. I am sure he wants something from him or me. The N just got a new job and I know the people he is working for and I bet he is quaking in his boots thinking I will tell them the truth about him!!!

#22 Oct 13 - 6AM

Bodhi

Yes!

I love this movie and really relate to Kate's character. Jasper is definitely a narc... the scene where he shows up in LA after he gets engaged to another woman gets me a little heated up every single time. This movie would be even better if Cameron Diaz wasn't in it... I have a hard time watching her scenes.

#23 Oct 13 - 6AM (Reply to #6)

jen79

yes

and when she says: "you broke my heart and you gave me the feeling it was my fault, and then I spend years finding out what I did wrong" (sorry I saw the film in german) - the author of this movie must have had an ecperience with a N for sure!

#24 Oct 13 - 6AM

helldweller

The Holiday

Oh my gosh, yes. Winslet's character so reminded me of myself, and isn't it incredible how wonderful, giving, creative, strong and kind she is--and how she doesn't even see it until she gets away from him? The other thing I thought after that movie was: THAT's what I need: a hot widower with a bunch of adorable children! Perfect! LOL

#25 Oct 13 - 6AM (Reply to #4)

jen79

yes a hot widower

hahaha, yes i thought the same, but knowing Jude Law (as hot as he is), is a narc in real life as well, is a huuuuge turn off on the other side lool. Yes its wonderful to see Kate growing out of him. And he is sooo much a narc. "I need you", "why are you so great" blahblahblah BS!!!

#26 Oct 13 - 5AM

Sherbear

Love that movie!

The little speech she gives Jack Black on the couch makes me cry! Jasper is soooooo narcissitic!

#27 Oct 13 - 6AM (Reply to #2)

jen79

and the speach

that she says in the beginning, the 3 years she was in love with him, were the most awfull years she ever had - yes yes yes... I saw on the imdb message board is a whole discussion about "does anyone of you has a jasper in your life?"

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