Kimmers55 story

I met J at the dance club in ND. He proceeded to dance with me, make me laugh, tell me he was 26 and single, and ask me for my number. I gave it to him and we texted back and forth for a week. We than decided to meet up again at a local bookstore. We chatted and than he proceeded to tell me that he was actually 30 and getting a divorce. I believed him and didn't think anything of it. He than gave me money to buy some clothes for our next date and told me it was a surprise. Our date consisted of him taking me frolfing, to lunch, and teaching me breakdancing.He was so funny, and a blast to hang out with. The next day we hung out and he took me clothes shopping, bought me anything i wanted. After 2 weeks of hanging out, he gave me a promise ring and told me that "I was different than all the other women he met or dated and that he would stick by me no matter what, and he loved me more than anything in the world."

Also, I had just gotten a job and i told him to come visit me, and when I came to work that same day, i had found out he had delivered me a bouquet of beautiful flowers. He proceeded to send me tons of flowers from that point on.

He would bring me food to work, take me out to lunch, text me cute little love messages throughout the day, bring food and treats for my coworkers. He was the perfect man, i really thought I snagged a good one.

He would take me on trips to Minneapolis and take me to these lavish hotels, take me to the clubs in the cities he used to work at. He treated me like a princess. He would tell everyone, "this is the love of my life and the girl I want to marry."

He would come hang out with me and my friends, even sit there while my friend (who's a massage therapist) gave me a massage for an hour. He would teach my friends break dancing, do anything I wanted.

Then his stories he would tell me didn't add up straight, such as he told me that his wife separated from him 9 months ago, but on his wife's facebook, he said they were still married and she had pictures with him. He told me he didn't tell anyone about him getting a divorce, that he had to keep it private, because nobody would "understand." He would only meet up with me at 8am in the morning and late at night..His stories just didn't add up..but I stayed with him. I also found out from his coworkers that when I would bring him lunch, his wife would come immediately after me and bring him lunch with his son. He lives a double life.

A month into our relationship he started pressuring me for sex. I am a born again Christian and want to remain pure. He told me that if we eventually do it, he doesn't wear a condom because he goes "limp" and if i truly loved him, I wouldn't make him wear a condom and I would "make love to him. and nobody hes been with has made him wear a condom." Do I smell B**lS**t?

After that, he gave up for awhile, and than I started to find out the true J. He became very jealous, controlling, and possessive. I caught him driving by my house, my friends house, coming to my work and just staying there, and when we would fight, he would come to my work, "to just get a glimpse of me" he would say. He made a fake facebook account just to spy on me. He would yell at me if I talked to my guy friends, or hang out with my girls when guys were present. His charm, his sense of humor, everything changed.

I was not allowed to go anywhere where guys were going to be, he DJ's for a company, and he would bring me to the places he would DJ, and than all of a sudden we would get there and he would scream at me telling me to leave and even if i looked at another guy, he would accuse me of cheating. When I was there, he would tell me, "If i see you talk to any guy, I will punch him and you in the face" "Stay here and sit and don't move or talk to any guy. I need to have you in my site and watch you at all times."

He went to a counselor while we were seeing each other, and he was diagnosed with Narcissistic Personality Disorder.

He is in constant need of Admiration, Adoration, and 100% attention. If you do not get it to him, he will proceed to treat you like crap and say this classic line. "You made me treat you ________ (a certain way, such as disrespectful). Its all your fault. You are not the victim here, I am."

I ended up finding out when our relationship was ending that he was living with his wife when we met, and lived with her a month and a half into our relationship. I found out he threw her and his 2 year old child out and said he wanted a divorce. I had no idea about any of this, and he told me he wanted a divorce before i came into the picture. How can a man who got married, just throw his wife and child out? I find out that he has 2 children with 2 different women.

He told me that he prides himself on being able to read body language, that he could have sex with any girl he wants, and that no girl has ever said no to having sex with him. He prides himself on being a compulsive liar and that he has been lying ever since he was in high school.

He will tell you that he is the best dancer, and that you will never get another man like him. he also told me that he should have been a celebrity..he also is a big "name dropper" saying he met matt damon, george clooney, auditioned for so and so in Vegas.

J also confessed to me that he tried to cheat on his wife with 3 other women.

His core traits are this:

He is a compulsive liar
He is full of charm
He is very selfish and self-centered
He views women as "sexual conquests" and prides himself on being able to have sex with any woman he wants.
He will sweep you off your feet and be the perfect man you want him to be, and than change immediately and become possessive.
His coworkers and friends think hes a sociopath, he has classic traits.
He has 2 children, one from a girl supposedly he had a one night stand with, and his wife.

He also told me this is his cycle. He has cheated on every girl he has been with. He meets a girl dates her, and than finds another girl, cheats on his gf with the new girl, and dumps his old gf for the new girl, than the cycle continues.

My gut told me to stay away from him, but i didn't.

Than recently, I had been having sex with him just to try and keep him (i was desperate and wanted to be with him at any costs... crazy i know..) He would act like we were back together and when i asked if we were, he would tell me, "I am not good for you, i am self destructing... I am drinking heavily and can't be around you..its too painful... you are on the right path and i am not."

I saw him at the bar the other night and his friend came up to me saying, "You need to stop following him, he is miserable and wants to have a good time. He is meeting tons of women, and is not right for any girl right now... he just used you as a crutch..." Than i proceed to leave to not cause any drama, and he texts me saying, "I am sorry. I hate myself without you. Dancing doesn't even bring me joy anymore." That is the last text I got from him. Than I saw him on New Years Eve and tried to talk to him, but he wouldn't even talk to me, saying he had to leave because he "couldn't watch me kiss someone at midnight." He than told me he wasn't going to kiss someone on midnight, saying he never has. He also told me that when he saw me, he has never seen me look more beautiful than I did. But than this girl walks in, (she is blonde, skinny, and beautiful, and YOUNG - she is 21) and than ignores me and goes with her and proceeds to grind all over her and kiss her right in front of me!

I am feeling so replaced, unloved, and alone. he has devalued me and discarded me... nobody i talk to understands how i feel...I am feeling so alone... please... anyone... any tips or help on how to get over him would be appreciated... I am sorry this is so long..just had to vent also.

I also made a list of things he has done to me: Here it is (there is plenty more not named)...

He is possessive – he wouldn't let me talk to guys, hang out with my friends, he got mad when I would stay late at Bible study
He throws tantrums when he doesn't get his own way
He brings up the past and throws it in my face about every little thing I have ever done to him
He is very controlling, - When he was DJ-ing, he told me to do whatever I wanted and go talk to my friends (in a very snotty way) and when I did go talk to my friends at a table (there were 2 guys sitting there) He came over and asked me what the hell I was doing and told me to go sit down!
When we had sex awhile ago, he told me I could leave now, that he is able to just have sex and doesn't need to be in love to do it..
He would stalk me at my job
He would compare me to his exes
He would withhold himself and his affection from me until I “shaped up”
He is very manipulative – use my past against me and tell me that he is an amazing catch and I will never get a guy like him. (he is the best dancer in our city)
He is selfish – he always wants adoration, admiration, and praise CONSTANTLY. He barely and rarely ever compliments anyone else
He will be nice one second and than turn and be mean and rude
He has been with over 30 women (he claims 30, i am guessing its more)
He said he would want me to have an abortion if I got pregnant and got mad at me and told me he'd kill himself if I got pregnant
He yelled at me and called me names in front of everyone.
He asked me to watch his son while he was at his breakdancing show and acted all fine and than ignored me and told me I was dead to him.
He told me that I was dead to him and has said very hurtful things to me.
He got fired from his job because of his sexual disgusting remarks.
He has told me that he uses girls as sexual conquests
He told me that he wants physical intimacy or not to date me at all
He has pressured me to have sex with him and without a condom
He has said wonderful things to me than only to turn around and say very hurtful things
He has told me that he would up and leave his kids if he could and never see them again
He would take back everything and not have his kids if he could
He has called his ex wife names and said horrible things about her
He has talked to other girls, sat in the hot tub, and kissed another girl while we were dating
He has called me bipolar, made me think I had a mental disorder
He cheated on his wife with me
He kicked his wife and kid out of the house
He divorced his wife because she wouldn't have sex with him
He took off his pants in front of my mother, and walked around in his boxers...
I told him that I was stranded at his house and he left me to sit there for an hour, while he lied and told me he wasn't home and he was actually at home.
He has a cycle of dating women and then dumping them for his next “conquest” or “project”
He was talking to his ex girlfriend and told her he could stay at his house and he would give her a ride home where she lives out of town while we were dating
He told me that when his ex gf told him she loved him, he broke up with her.

There you have it... anything you can tell me to help me out, please anyone out there... i am going through so much and can't stop feeling replaced and feeling hurt. I know he is horrible for me, but just need as many opinions as I can get...

Thank you so much.