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narcissistic Injury

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#1 May 27 - 6PM
malloryforest
malloryforest's picture

narcissistic Injury

Hello all,

Went to my therapist today and told her about my STBXNH taking GF to mom's house for her birthday. Therapist told me not to try to understand this other than as a narcissistic injury. Because last weekend I told him I still wanted a divorce and that I no longer love him or respect him. I was so confused how one weekend he could declare his love and want a reconciliation, and tell me that the GF means nothing, and the following weekend while walking out the door after dropping off my sons he can tell me he is going to bring GF home to meet his mom.

It is so hard to understand the behavior, and I know not to try to understand it. "But therapist mentioned the bringing GF home as a way he is dealing with his narcissitic injury. She said he was a sick man, not to be surprised, and to keep my distance. Can someone please shed light on how this is a reaction to a narcissitic injury/

May 28 - 9AM
Carolyn
Carolyn's picture

You have loyalty, standards,

You have loyalty, standards, ethics, character, you are a normal person. You are experiencing betrayal, abuse, abandonment emotionally, and it affects you. that is what being normal is all about. You want out and he finds another victim to replace you right away and it is a form of jealousy. I understand that. When the king rat I was married to got re-married right away I felt harmed even though I initiated the divorce, went through his lying period when he talked about me as if I was a monster, and yet when he got married I had an uncomfortable feeling. I think society conditions women to be the mainstay of the home and marriage and we feel obligated to 'hold it all together'. When we find out how easy we are to replace we feel jealous of our 'place' not of the relationship. I did feel better when the second wife threw him out in just a few months, and then all of his lies proved he was unstabile so he lost his job. the feeling I had about his self-generated misfortune was in the same place as my 'funny' feeling when he replaced me so quickly. It is almost like an instinct not a real feeling. It isn't based on reality so much as it is based on our status in society.
May 28 - 2PM (Reply to #5)
Fawn
Fawn's picture

Thanks Carolyn

Yes, this helps. I do feel jealous and very replaceable--worse, by a 23-year-old. I'm not threatened by her in any way, but it does bother me that she just stepped into my place. He is even doing the same lack of effort with her and is trying to get her to take over with the kids on the rare occasions that he has them. The kids, except the little one, are not having any part of that. I know it will end badly for the N, but it still bugs me! Thanks for validating mine and Mallory's feelings, and for sharing your experience. I do feel like I am the one holding it all together.
May 27 - 8PM
quietude (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

injury

Hi mallory! My understanding of N injury is that when the N feels threatened...could be anything from rejection to lack of attention, or could be their supplier daring to unmask them, can cause them to be injured. Their reaction is typically rage, lashing out, and acting out. Their false persona has been threatened, and as deep-seeded as that is for them, can you imagine someone telling you that what you think you know about yourself, your actions, the very person you are at an organic level is completely wrong? To me, narcs are like druggies, once you threaten their supply, you're name is mud and they go looking for the nearest and best source for that supply. Because that's all people are to them. Suppliers. They depend on people to sustain them. It's the awful truth, I know...but reading the hard truth helped me so much in knowing that this mess I was involved in really had nothing to do with me, and I was powerless to control and influence anything that this extremely disfunctional and flawed person would do or say.
May 28 - 10PM (Reply to #2)
grossot
grossot's picture

could it also be the loss of

could it also be the loss of control over the situation? nolongercontrolled

http://hubpages.com/hub/Married-to-a-Narcissist?preview

nolongercontrolled

May 29 - 9AM (Reply to #3)
Mariline
Mariline's picture

Mallory

Of course it is a way of coping with his narcissistic injury. He shows off gf and brings her to mom to make her the "official" woman just to show the world and especially you how fascinating he is and how replaceable you are. Sick man.....and sick her too....she did not dodge the bullet, unluckily Remember: Safe People are people who draw you closer to who you were meant to be spiritually, emotionally, mentally and physically. They encourage you to be your most loving, growing self. (Emotional Abusers- Heartless Bitches International)