honest growth or manipulation?

They DO NOT grow...OR change, ever. I was married to my husband for 11 years, divorced for 2, married again for 5, and NOW I am DONE for GOOD. In the first 11 years, we had about 10 separations. I listened to the pleads for another chance, I believed he'd change and learned a lesson every time. Finally, I divorced him. He put me and my children through so much hell, much financial, alot of mental abuse...that I felt the only way to get out of the situation and protect my kids was to take him back. He grew so much, and learned such a huge lesson...he said. He wanted nothing more than to have his family happy, together and healthy. So...we remarried. I believed him because, I believed in him more than he believed in himself. That didn't last long. After only months he was back to the same old abuse. We all walked on eggshells and were made sick once again from his jekyll and hyde behavior. He was more horrible to me than ever before and he maintained that HE HAD changed as promised, it was me and the kids who were crazy. Finally I got out for good. He took my whole family with him, they are all now on his side because I "gave up" on this wonderful man. They don't believe he abused us....and accuse me of being a cold hearted bitch. But I wasn't. I wanted nothing more than to see him happy and to be happy with him. I realized though that that would never happen, because he just cannot be happy. I don't know if I'm a slow learner or have more faith in people than I should. But I finally learned either way...that a narcissist WILL NEVER GROW AND CHANGE! EVER!!!! NO MATTER WHAT THEY SAY!!! It's manipulation pure and simple. Once they win you back, they are back too, just the way they were when you realized you needed to get out. Please don't put yourself through that. I know the feelings behind wanting only the best for them. Know what though?? They do not and never will want the best for you. They may say they do...but it's just a ploy. Get yourself out. Run fast and as far as you can. Do what Barbara says and ignore the texts...and document them. Don't let him get to you....the way mine did to me.

wait a second... this is the SAME idiot that JUST YESTERDAY said YOU need to give him an answer about trying AGAIN before he will drop the girlfriend? And now its up to YOU to HELP HIM CHANGE? ROFLMAO. He is PATHOLOGICAL. He is not CAPABLE of change. He is sick. His BRAIN is different. He can NOT change. Mallory has he done ANYTHING to try to remedy the situation so far? On his OWN? Has he done ANYTHING but tried to convince you that his sick perverted NEEDS are more important than you and the children? http://abusesanctuary.blogspot.com/2007/01/ill-change-i-promise-six-signs-of-real.html http://abusesanctuary.blogspot.com/2005/12/how-abusers-stage-their-returns-while.html http://abusesanctuary.blogspot.com/2006/02/on-victim-blaming-and-control-its.html IT'S MANIPULATION. TELL THIS DEPRAVED MONSTER YOU WANT NOTHING MORE TO DO WITH HIM. HE'S SO OBVIOUS! Do NOT doubt yourself ever again! That's what he wants and he's WRONG. BTW - STOP READING HIS TEXTS. Send to lawyer, document, delete. And get those books i recommended yesterday. He's just scrambling to reel you back in and regain control. He'll do more - STOP DOUBTING YOURSELF. Lisa's right - he's seriously DELUSIONAL. ...put a fork in him. he's done... ~~~~~~~~~~~~ Free articles & information for abuse victims: http://abusesanctuary.blogspot.com Effective Coaching for Victims of Pathologicals http://one2one4victims.webs.com/

The only thing I can think of adding to all that has been said on the subject is that if someone is truly serious about changing, the will do so on their own, seek their own therapy and answers, and be unselfish enough to realize that the people they have hurt need time away to heal on their own. But they really have to be the type of person who is capable of changing in the first place. My exN even offered all this, "as long as it takes", but I knew it was only lip service. Believe me mallory, I would have done anything, YOU NAME IT, if I knew it was possible to have a normal relationship with my exN. I really loved him. He was much more of a covert narcissist. He wasn't unfaithful (that I knew of), he had a lot of good traits - I know I didn't have it nearly as bad as some, but he still is what he is. This was the toughest realization for me to deal with - they don't change. If there was some amazing scientific cure for Narcissism, I'd be the first in line. I know how this kind of hope feels. I wish for world peace too...but ya know how that goes. The hope here is that you are capable of living a full, happy life free of BS, and have the chance to share that down the road with a NORMAL partner. It's hard to see all that right now, I know. (hugs, hugs, hugs)