The Definition of Codependency

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Mar 19 - 4PM (Reply to #16)
gettinbetter
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Holy shit that's hysterical!

Holy shit that's hysterical! I am lost in my deepness lol! Yes I like to call him barc boy because I have diagnosed him as borderline/narcissitic because well you know I am so powerful and all :) Anyone else need a diagnosis??? Damn I crack myself up! Oops that sounds a little narcy. He must be projecting on me via psychic chord lol! The Barc is worse than his bite! Baahahahahahahaha
Mar 19 - 4PM (Reply to #18)
michele115 (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

SOI

Glad I got ya giggling! AND again, very happy and impressed with how much you are starting to make all these connections... You are about to soar! Hugs!
Mar 19 - 4PM (Reply to #17)
IncognitoBurrito
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Ahaha!

Ohh! I thought you kept mis-typing Barc, and I assumed you meant Narc. That's still pretty funny.
Mar 19 - 3PM (Reply to #13)
michele115 (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Sickofit

I dunno - maybe too much sugar in the lucky charms this morning...but wondering... Do you think that rather than his being a barc he might actually be narcpolar?...LOL Hugs!
Mar 18 - 8AM (Reply to #7)
jen79
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sick of it

agreed.
Mar 18 - 8AM (Reply to #8)
gettinbetter
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jen

I have got my pageant dress on with my codependent banner on and I'm doing my parade wave. Its not that I'm so proud to be one but find that out I feel like a pathetic victim. Codependents are usually core wounded people. It explained so much of why I felt he was the inverted image of me. We both suffer from the same core woundedness only it has manifest differently his in a much more malignant pathological way. This explains why these people feel like your soul mate and why psychic chords attach we share the same core wound
Mar 19 - 3PM (Reply to #9)
jen79
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sick of it and Lisa

agreed again, very much so. I always said, he was the shadow that I wasnt intouch within myself. Thats why we need to get in touch with that. And Lisa is also right, we are also empaths. Maybe even psychic. And the codependency is the dark side of the coin of being an empath. Its an conscious choice we will have to make for ourselves to not indulge into dysfunction, just because we can feel the whole dark package behind that, that has lead to that. I mean, I picked up everything, all of it. I could feel everything from him. Things that he wasnt even aware of. And thats why I never saw him as evil, I felt the pain behind his mask. I like that you make us aware of the patterns, I admit them and I am ready to own them. I am just uncomfortable with the label, cause it makes me feel so disordered.
Mar 19 - 3PM (Reply to #10)
gettinbetter
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jen79

Codependency is a dysfunctional relationship with the self. There is a difference between dysfunctional and disordered. Severe codependency can produce a disordered person I.e. borderline pd and inverted narcissits. These are the patholigical versions of codependency. So I look at it this way: I am just someone who has been emotionally dishonest with myself which has created a dysfunction. I'm human and I have denied myself the reality of that. I am not disordered. I am not pathological. I just need to fix me instead of focusing on fixing him my guess is that once I improve my relationship with myself I will no longer feel the urge to fix him. I can't tell you how empowered I feel knowing that I'm suffering from codependency. It takes his magical powers away. This was never about him. Its about me. For me the mystery is solved.
Mar 19 - 4PM (Reply to #11)
jen79
jen79's picture

sick of it

I am so happy for you. You sound so empowered!!! I have to say, I made that connection already some time ago, but it took me still some time. The bond was strong, sometimes I still have strong flashbacks with him, and then I miss him. Or I ask myself if I will ever meet a man that is really interested in me, what I never really had in my life so far. And then I have to remind me, that the only important thing here is, if I am enough interested in myself. If I am loving myself, passioned about me, and if I love myself the way I am. Then I can free myself of the approval of others, or critic. Thats the real thing, relationships always mirror something to you back, you just need to find out what exactly. And if they are unpleasent and like me, just had man in my life that never loved me or were really interested in me, so what does that say about myself. This thing goes beyond psychology, its a spiritual awakening as well.
Mar 19 - 5PM (Reply to #12)
gettinbetter
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Have you been to wounded

Have you been to wounded souls.com? That site goes into the spiritual aspect of codependence. When I read a few things on it I thought of you
Mar 17 - 10PM
It'sAllAboutMeNow (not verified)
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It's the need to take care of

I am reading a book right now titled, "Narcissistic Lovers: How to Cope, recover and Move On." They discuss codependency throught out the book. In fact it says that N's are drawn to codependent people because of their need to please. Here's a list of characteristics for a co-dependent person: -You base your feeling of self worth on your partner's approval -You try to solve you partner's problems because you feel directly affected by his/her troubles. -Your primary goal is to satisfy and care for him/her. -you feel happy when you are able to solve problems for your partner. -You put aside you interests and spend time focusing on his/her hobbies. -You feel your partner reflects you and you schoose hi/her clothing and have a say in regards to hi/her appearance. -You view your positive qualities as what you have to offer others. -You are unaware of what you want and are concerned with what your partner would like. -You have dreams of your future which include your partner. -You are careful not to provoke you partner's anger. -You are afraid of rejection from your partner. -You are afraid of rejection from your partner. -You are generous with your partner in order to feel secure and prove your love in the relationship. -As you involve yourself with our partner, you lose contact with friends and family. -You put your own values aside in order to relate to hi/her. -You hold hi/her opinion in high regard. -The quality of your partner's life has an impact on the quality of your own life. -Positive comments from our partner can give you an emotional high; a negative on can leave you at an extreme low. It was alarming how many of these I agreed with. It talks about how most codependent adults have had a codependent parent but not always. But it does link to how a person was raised and what experiences they had growing up. Even though I sometimes wish I never met my exN, I'm realizing they this experience has shed light on things that I need to address before I fall prey to another one of these monsters.
Mar 18 - 1AM (Reply to #3)
gettinbetter
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Yes!

I would say a large number of narcissits victims are codependent whether or not they realize it or not. To me you just dont hang around for that kind of abuse from someone and then miss them when they are gone unless you have some kind of codependency issue going on or some kind of core wound. People who are not core wounded or Co dependent would be gone the minute the abusive behavior started. Now I will say this: For some the codependency may have just become a situational thing that occured with this individual and some may not have a pattern of living their life this way. For me this is a blue print that is prevalent in every aspect of my life. I did not see intially but upon further examination it is there!
Mar 17 - 7PM
strongerthanever
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Well, by looking at that

Well, by looking at that definition, I guess I was too! I always defined codependency as depending on someone to survive and giving self-worth. Even though I believe myself to be an independent woman and do not need a man to provide a home, food or clothing, nor do I believe in the man comes first (God does) and he rules the house, I didn't feel I needed my exN to give my worth. He shot huge holes in it though and I doubted myself greatly. I didn't need my exN to tell me how to change a light bulb, buy a car, go into 7-eleven and get him a Coke...he put HUGE doubt that I could do it correctly and make him happy. I remember one of our last trips to visit his family, we stopped at a gas station and he asked that I get him a coke. I spent 10 minutes, no lie, on trying to decide to get him a bottled Coke or from the fountain...what size and how much ice. I was freaking out. Of course, I didn't do it right. That is control and manipulation! Here I was a successful 41 yr old woman freaking out over buying a Coke!