Email from narc..he is wanting me to go NC,to block..grr..

In the early stages of recovory to start to point the finger at ourselves as if we are to blame for the abuse we had is a very destuctive act . To say we are all addicts is a gross simpelfication of our feelings , ultimatly we are all responceble for our emotions but i for one did not excpect someone to come along and manipulate me to such an extreem as my narc . am i am addict ? well i am now ... i wasnt before this prick raised his ugly head .Its really important to be gentle with youre self , no one deserves this kind of abuse xx

I'm responding to both your posts here :) It's "bad" (read: dishonest, thus preventing yourself from understanding yourself) to insist you are "happy and fine" when your words describe misery, defeat, rage and depression. Unless you really didn't mean them, and were exagerating. I only have your words to go by. I can't see your face or your life. But I read your words and did my best to understand them, where you are coming from. And using my own experience of having been newly "out" from a Narc relationship too. Then, considering what this board is all about, I "assume" you are in a very unhappy place else you would not be here at all. Your quotes: "I just can't help it...I can't...I just want to STOP him from moving on after what he did to me..It's just not fair...I feel like I"m literally drowning tonight..In a pool of abyss..I broke NC" "i honestly feel like I am getting like an N..like I am having fits of rage just like them....great.." "Yeah it's too late to take a xanax..I'll be groggy all morning..However if i cant sleep i might have to..I'm very angry tonight..I am feeling that it is officially going to start ot affect me wellbeing..Ive been having girls night and going out etc..But I'm feeling the grinding halt..big time.." "thanks i'm on the border of taking a xanax..i'm just like numb and why not my head be numb too..so sick of it..I tried to keep in my head what my friend saw the ther day on his facbook page..how he was mad at the new OW...But then i realized I"m living a fantasty...and that I'm sitting here alone,upset,hurt,lonely,bored...stewing in it,obsessing,broken,a mess,anxious,not stable...and he's not..so yeah I'm mad..It's like ow much can a person take...I have highs and lows..and i've hit a real low...just dont care anymore..i havent hit the not getting out of bed part...might be now though...all-time low" These are real states of unhappiness . . . I just want them to be validated, not "tossed off". They are real. "Imaginary laws" . . . well, threatening with a gun is breaking a real law, that's for sure. He should be reported for that. But there were a lot of other things that seemed to me, anyway, to say that you thought he should or shouldn't do, which you have no control over. I called them "imaginary laws" not just for YOU but because we all have them LOL. The Narc hurts us, and does stuff that is just outrageous, and we want to control it. We think we SHOULD try to control it, or we sit there shaking our fists because we want to control it SO BADLY. My point is, who are WE to think we should even want to or try? Just to make ya think, that's all. Honestly, I don't want to beat you up or anybody up. There's just so much FOG and confusion that gets stuck in our brain, causes us to go in endless circles that lead back into how bad you felt a few days ago. Sometimes a "shock" is what stops the circling . . . just to make you think, examine what you are thinking . . . see what's going through your head in a different way. It's not a knock against you as a person. It's a knock against the brainwashing that is controlling your thoughts. Cartoon characters get a crack upside the head and "wake up" :D . You know when you have a friend that is freaking out and you just want to grab her by the shoulders and give her a little shake and stop the madness? You don't want to HURT her, you want to HELP her, and she needs a little boost from the outside :)

Bullshit my friend. I see no definition of "happy" in anything you write about yourself :( I see sadness, grief, loss, shame, rage and emptiness. I can see that because girlfriend, I WAS you. So utterly obsessed and preoccupied with HIM, so cut off from what I was really feeling, so cut off from my own life and hopes and dreams all I could do was obsess about HIM and what HE was thinking and doing. NOT happiness. No matter how many "guys" are floating around out there in Europe or the states or in Timbuktu. You are desperately unhappy, and no one here is fooled. We sure do love and care for you anyway (((((hugs))))) and hope you'll just get down off that fake soapbox and be human with the rest of us :)

You were kind of jerking him around, too. At least from HIS perspective. You made an offer, then retracted it. We know why you retracted it, and no shit Sherlock, it was a good thing to retract it. But from another person's perspective, it looks like you were just jerking him around. He has no idea you felt vulnerable, you know? You are "in the arena" playing the games with him when you do this. You are letting your feelings and impulses run your life right now. You get a feeling, and then you act it out. You don't have to do this. You can have a feeling, and NOT act it out, but sit with it and let it pass. He thinks he can say stuff because HE CAN SAY STUFF. He is an autonomous human being with full rights to say and think and believe and smirk. He has the right! Even if he's being a bastard, there's no law against it. You have NO say on what he thinks or says about you. It is beyond your control, it always was and it always will be. Whether you like that or not is irrelevant. It just IS. You ARE desperate. You are behaving desperately. Here's a dictionary definition of desperate: "showing extreme urgency or intensity especially because of great need or desire." You have great need and desire to WIN, to smash him down, to get on top. Your behavior belies your desperation. It's OK to acknowledge that. This board is about getting honest with yourself, even when you see what you don't like about yourself. Every one here admits they were desperate. You could not possibly be the ONLY new member who isn't desperate. And no you aren't happy either. And you haven't found "great guys". You are going round and round on a squirrel cage, feeling better for a few days, and then when that feeling inevitably changes, you go right back into desperation and trying to WIN with him. That is NO definition of happiness. You let him dictate your life like you were his puppet. Aren't you so very sick and tired of this???? You can stop this. ONLY you. You are doing this to yourself. That is what we all end up realizing :( Are you that different than the rest of us, Shortway?