Then what?
Crocidile tears I suppose. I need some valadation for the pain he cause me, my daughters, his son, our new baby son, and everyone who touched him!
Just sayin:)
I need to go listen to some hard core gangsta rap!
You won't get that validation from HIM.
You got validation coming out of your ear holes from us :)
It's that weird intermittent reinforcement thing. Where the scientists took lab rats and put a treat in front of them. Sometimes the rat would get a big electric shock when it ran to get the treat.
The rats that got shocked went after the treat with more determination than the rats that never got shocked.
It's a weird thing about human behavior, it's in all of us, not just us Narc victims.
When you Narc gives you a "reward" some of the time (being his "nice" self) and rages or beats you all the other times, it's like something snaps in our heads and we go after the "reward" even harder. In spite of getting shocked.
I kept thinking, "THIS TIME he will get it." I must have thought "this time" about ten bazillion times. He never got it.
But what kept me HOPING he would? What kept me believing that even if he DID get it, that somehow magically he would transform over night into a new and perfect man?
That's the insanity *I* had. My logic and reason stopped functioning past "what if he DOES get it?"
It's like him GETTING IT was some magical, world transforming, all problems will melt away and life will be happy ever after . . . bunch of crap :P
Yet it kept me on the hook for seven years.
This is one of the things that makes it so damned hard to go: Does he know he is doing this to me?
The way they just look at you and innocently say, "I gave you everything and couldn't please you" or "You have abused me too long; I can't take it anymore" or "You and your daughters mean the world to me." It's insane. When things ended at the end of this past summer, it had gotten ridiculous.
"We did not see you for a single minute on any weekend this entire summer," I told him He said, "I love you all with my whole heart." I said, "You lied to me every weekend so you wouldn't have to take us with on your boat." He said, "You and your girls mean the world to me." I said, "I'm not allowed in your house and a stranger's child has his own bathroom in it." He said, "Stop abusing me!"
No wonder we are all freaking crazy.
I can't answer whether or not he knows what he is doing. Best case scenario is he doesn't, but he's just thinking in the moment. About right now. And right now he wants it all back because the grass isn't greener. He knows you are serious about leaving and he's scared of being alone. N's don't think about the future, they live in the moment. They don't think about the consequences of their decisions.
Worst case of course is yes, he does know what he is doing, and it is all part of an elaborate plan to keep you in his web. He will say and do anything necessary to keep you where you belong. You are his possession and you are not free to go until he says so.
And especially since he has been formally diagnosed (most of us here are just guessing) you really know that everything you know about NPD apply to him. He cannot and will not change.
You're right, you need to get out so he doesn't take you and your kids down with him.
MsVulcan you are 100% correct with everything you've said here. N's live in the moment. They're thinking about what they want NOW, and in does not occur to them to think about how any ramifications of their actions now will impact the future.
My xnh used to at yell his sociopathic eldest daughter that she didn't "think beyond her left nostril". Well I hate to break it my xnh, but HE doesn't either.
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God sometimes removes a person from your life for your protection. Don't run after them.
And he'll keep trying as long as he has any access to you at all, because...well you know! It's all about him!
Pisses me off to hear him say he's done everything he can for you but my heart jumped up when I read your reply. Good for you!
I can't wait til you're out so you can start rebuilding your life around all you know now. I know you feel like a wreck but you're a strong woman.
xoxo
And then you have to ask
As long as we're fantasizing here . . .
Briseis- Oh Sigh!!
You won't get that
Do they know
I can't answer whether or
MsVulcan you are 100%
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God sometimes removes a person from your life for your protection. Don't run after them.
i am deeply hurt by this bastard
Yes, he did