The End Game
The End Game
Hi all - some stuff I read about Narcs and the 'end game'. As some of you know, when the ex-narc dumped me, he said that at his core, is a 'cold, analytical personality always doing math and looking out at the endgame.' Some stuff I've read in Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life explains this process and the havoc it wreaks. These passages really resonated with me and feel like the author is using me and the ex-narc as the model. Too bad it's not just the two of us - it's anyone who is a victim of a narc slimeball.
Anyway - here you go. Better Off - I know you'll relate to this....
“The narcissist is at all times a deceiver, never straight, clear, or true. He thrives in a illusive world of curves and meanders. He has mastered the ability to delude himself and others. Like a sorcerer, he hatches intricate plots in secret. He is the writer, director, producer, and actor in his unfolding drama. The proposal he brings to the table is never the “real deal”. Like a seasoned poker player, the narcissist knows how to bluff his rivals, when to raise the stakes, and when to fold. Cold-blooded in his approach, he masterminds an end game that devastated his adversaries, leaving him intact.”
Morty’s comment - This explains why we all feel that he got away scot-free.
“Emotionally detached and isolated, the narcissist is incapable of truly caring for someone else. This callousness allows him to launch plans that psychologically wound others if he perceives them as a threat (from Morty – I suspect in a narc’s mind, physical violence is not the only threat – a loving, empathetic Ideal Woman is a threat too because the narc knows that she can and will figure him out one day and call his bluff and it scares him like a little kid caught red-handed with his hand in the cookie jar). In his obsession to win at all costs, he is unencumbered by ethics or morality. Hurt feelings, financial ruin, blighted reputations, incipient illnesses, broken relationships, suicides – are the tragic residue of the narcissist’s endeavors. He leaves many lives in disarray and chaos, like bodies strewn on a battlefield. He coolly steps over these ravaged corpses to reach his destination. A narcissist cannot be loyal to another human being. The length of a relationship or its history is never a factor in how long it will last. At some point, determine by HIS wishes and desires, the relationship will come to an end. The narcissist will make his decisive move, leaving his partner, friend, or spouse bruised, battered, and abandoned.”
“The narcissist is always aware of the end game – how he will dispose of a partner, colleague, employee, wife, or mistress – when someone ceases to be of value. (From Morty – this makes me sick. This is EXACTLY what the narc did to me and to his ex-wife before me). In his psychological world one person is interchangeable with another. … The iron grip of the narcissist’s control extends to all significant people in his life: spouses, lovers, partners, children, colleagues, employees. His grand plan is to perpetuate and maintain his personal and professional power. Those under his control are not free to lead their own lives, to make decisions and mistakes, to use their talents and energies, to have their own dreams. Their only purpose is to assist the narcissist in fulfilling his grandiose vision of himself.”
“The narcissistic personality controls others the way he was controlled as a child. The mother of the narcissist is often narcissistic herself. She projects on her child an image of omnipotence and perfection. She is incapable of accepting him as a distinct, authentic individual. She sees him through the distorted lens of the idealized image she created. She remains tied to the picture of the perfect child she has molded. The child in turn never detaches himself from her psychologically. Mother and child remain tragically locked in an unbroken symbiosis."
From Morty - his effing mother. She's a musician without a pot to piss in. The narc supports her by paying her mortgage, buying her a Mercedes (because a Toyota isn't good enough for Mommy) and supplementing her meager church music directory's salary to buy groceries and keep the lights on. She's on the internet with invitations to her church groups to visit her "stunning, antiques-filled home for gourmet dessert" or whatever. Fucking bitch doesn't have a pot to piss in yet she's advertising how fake-rich she is by telling everyone about her damned antiques. Hmm... come to think of it, sounds exaclty like HIM!
“Often very attractive, narcissists know exactly how to manipulate others. Combined with stunning appearance and social polish is a compelling self-confidence. When the high-level narcissist focuses his charms on others, they feel more alive. He gives the impression that he understands you intimately and has your best interests at heart. This charm is seductive, containing a powerful sexual component. He communicates that “you are the most important person in the world. I know what you want, and I will get it for you.” He is clever at discerning the narcissistic needs of others. He presents himself as a savior who understands your deepest longings for attention and a sense of specialness.” (From Morty – Jesus H. Christ!!!! This woman is writing about me and him!)
“Those who are enchanted by the narcissist believe that he holds the magic that will lift them out of their ordinary, predictable lives. Everyone wishes at one time or another to be rescued. We want someone else to take over for us, to love us unconditionally, to give us what we want. This wish to be adored is primary and irresistible. It reaches back to earliest childhood, when we were dependent on a mother’s love in order to survive. The narcissist, with his arresting charm and sheer force of personality, is capable of activating these deep wishes in others and using his desirability to exploit them.”