The Path Forward Virtual Retreat Febuary 2021!



OMG Help me Emergency!!!!!!!

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Sep 28 - 9AM (Reply to #58)
better off
better off's picture

I'll save you, Nell!!!

I'll save you, Nell!!!
Sep 27 - 6AM
Used
Used's picture

helldweller

no chastising from me been there done that..lol.. you sound so diffrent so focusd. so together...we have god on our side, you know who they have got... and about you would have had sex with him saturday and seen this sunday.. someone up there is looking after us... she has blocked you b/c her work is done, you have seen what you were ment to see ,be so hurt and then be blocked...what ever you say that she is an ok person..she is not...while she is under the narc,s influence she can not be an ok person, its impossible... i too mixed with drunks, thieves, and drugs addicts.. while i was with exh..and then again with the narc.. i was mixing with the biggest lowest dregs of society... in their company with narc...in my home with my exh and with our kids there.. people in my home with guns..... and as for you phoning her and speaking to him...so what!!!..... done and dusted.. helldweller rulesxx
Sep 27 - 3AM
helldweller
helldweller's picture

It's a process, right?

I always cringe when I have to admit something on here that I'm not proud of, but I really feel an obligation to admit when I slip up. I slipped up a bit, and twice. First of all, I don't really feel horrible. Yes, I'm up at 3:30 in the morning, but I had a long day and went to be early, and I did have a big shake up yesterday. So I'm not in the dumps or anything, and I want others to know that if you take two steps forward its ok to take a step back if you screw up, but not the other way around, as I used to do. Because then it's awful. Second, I'm so happy I decided to block him when I did, because otherwise I probably would have slept with him on Saturday and found out about the baptism the next morning and felt like complete trash. I was actually feeling quite grateful and calm after I found out about the baptism and regrouped with you guys here and went to church. It was "the writing on the wall," literally (Facebook), and so I actually finally had ironclad proof of at least one deceitful thing of the many many I knew he'd been up to behind my back. So ok, that was good. So here comes the bad stuff I did: So I would just delete my entire Facebook page if I didn't have my books and business to promote on it--I'm not really into it--but I went on to post some photos from my Saturday ghost tour, and the brother's girflriend had blocked me. I mean, seriously, blocked me on Facebook. This is a 29-year old personal shopper who thinks her "family" is the 57-year old man she lives with who is screwing my narc's 250-pound babysitter on the side and who has told her that he will never marry her or allow her to have children. AND his narc brothers. And their foster child. She calls them her brothers and Eric her "nephew." And the narc calls her a dingbat and a hillbilly. And she blocked ME? Because *I* am the enemy? I have always defended her to the narc. She is a lovely, smart, accomplished and interesting woman. She speaks four languages, plays piano, is an expert marksman and golfer, plays a mean game of chess, is witty, charming, beautiful, kind. She always said, "We're not going to let him drive you away, helldweller. You are much too wonderful to go the way of the others." I had a lot of emotions come to the surface after I saw that she had blocked me. The first emotion was incredulity. This was my confidente throught the whole thing: the only rational person in the narc's life. True, she was with the narc's puppetmaster brother, but she was well aware of his activities and always said that she had weighed the pros and cons and was willing to accept him the way he was. It was her I called when the narc cheated on me; her I called when he left me miscarrying his baby to go to Las Vegas, her I called when he beat me up. We were really like sisters until recently, and I think it was the brother who started telling her not to talk to me anymore. So I felt she had gotten the wrong idea by my un-friending her on Facebook. I wanted her to know why I did it, and to tell her thank you for helping me know the truth and thank you for being kind to my daughters and me through the whole thing. I mean, I really got this bee in my bonnet about needing to talk to her. So I called her. Actually I called their house phone as the narc made me delete her number from my phone months ago. I realize how how completely idiotic this was, how totally reckless and unnecessary. Anyway, I just left a message saying, "Please have Shannon call me briefly. Thank you." Of course I got no call back. This made me even angrier. So then, because of some residual insanity, I called the narc. He answered. I said, "Would you please tell Shannon I was just trying to tell her good bye and thank you, and that I unfriended her because I can't look at her photos anymore as they are upsetting." He said, with the eye roll I heard in his voice, "O-K Honey. Sure!" To my small credit, I immediately went back online to block his number again, but before it went through he texted me, "I love you." He really did. Even just reading this over now, I know that it looks like I was inadvertendly trying to contact the narc without doing it directly, but honestly I wasn't. I remember very clearly that it about Shannon, not about him. About maintaining the one last shred of dignity, which was through her. Well, I guess that's gone, too. Perhaps one day, when she is fifty and her narc is dead, and she is childless and her "family" of narcs are dead from lung or liver cancer she will remember me. Maybe. Maybe not. He made her sign some sort of contract when they moved in together that she had no claims to anything he owned, including the house, no matter how long they were together. Some contract releasing him from common law marriage, so he wouldn't have to leave her anything. Nice, right? It was a strange world I lived in for awhile. It's funny even now, because I'm looking at it already from a distance: I see myself trying to fit in, and you know what? I just didn't. I could have allowed myself to be absorbed into it, transformed by the insanity, but I didn't because I couldn't. I'm stronger than they are. I won. I used to be jealous of Shannon because she could accept HER narc for what he was, and because she accepted him, he gave her certain things: he lived with her, golfed with her, and took her on vacation twice a year. He slept in the same bed as her. These things were incredible, sweeping proclamations of love to me in the warped, abandoned state I was in. I would have given anything to have been the way she was with her narc, but with my narc. I remember now, though, how drunk she always was. How hard she tried to be delightful, how nervous she seemed, how frenzied. She's so young. And she's the only woman in their world. I think I'm going to start praying for her first. I truly hope I don't get yelled at too much after you guys read this. I've made tremendous progress, and I reallly lost my head for a minute, which led to the phone calls. I knew better, but for some reason I wasn't thinking, literally.
Sep 27 - 2PM (Reply to #48)
ShaynasMommy
ShaynasMommy's picture

Hee Hee. Im not gonna yell at ya...

But I will say something you should hear, even though I suspect you just learned a major lesson. the ONLY way to maintain any shred of dignity is to stay NC. NC is the only way to send a message loud and clear that you think that whole "family" is fucked up and not worth bothering with. And I know it hurts to let others go with the Narc, but its the only way to stay sane as they are just more contamination to deal with. You tried to be the bigger woman by making an attempt to contact this girl, but you accomplished just the opposite, she doesnt care, all she cares about is pleasing this jackass boyfried of hers cause she's a doormat...AND you opened the door for NoodleHead there. So stop it right now and hit the reset button. Make it for good this time. love ya :)
Sep 27 - 3PM (Reply to #49)
helldweller
helldweller's picture

Noodle Head????????

OMG! I am going to DIE laughing! Note to self: "Do not open the door for Noodle Head."
Sep 27 - 2PM (Reply to #47)
better off
better off's picture

Progress Not Perfection

AA slogan... works for us addicts too! :-) I AM SO PROUD OF YOU. OMG, look at how far you've come. You are starting to SEE what IS, and that takes courage. And you are starting to see you wanted something awful, and thank GOD IN HEAVEN that you didn't get it. I love the clarity in this statement: "I used to be jealous of Shannon because she could accept HER narc for what he was, and because she accepted him, he gave her certain things: he lived with her, golfed with her, and took her on vacation twice a year. He slept in the same bed as her. These things were incredible, sweeping proclamations of love to me in the warped, abandoned state I was in. I would have given anything to have been the way she was with her narc, but with my narc." You are so close to spiritual freedom now, helldweller... and I look forward to the day you are no longer dwelling in the dark place with them. I'm sorry you feel more loss with the girlfriend blocking you, but this Shannon, while you felt she was an ally, she is another addict and was not really helping you. It was like another junkie trying to help you score good smack. Or like the women in a coven of vampires or something, that aren't dead yet, because the vampires just take a little blood each day and they stay alive, but always drained. "We won't let him drive you away?" She should have gotten you in a car and LITERALLY driven you away from him. You're so wonderful we won't let you get away from this monster. He can feed on you forever. So sad. Hugs to you. P.S. I know this has truly been hell for you, but I can see the hand of God moving in your situation all the time, hon. And I think it was a blessing that she blocked you because it needed to happen and you would have felt guilty doing it. Let it be.
Sep 27 - 4AM (Reply to #28)
michele115 (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

HELLDWELLER!!!

I am very disappointed in you...you ought to know better. We are going to publicly flog you...thirty lashes with a wet noodle!...LOL Hey, I have a question for you. Do you see the clarity in your post? You know what you are feeling and WHY you are feeling it. You do know that some of us in the depths of NARC HELL/recovery, are still so traumatized, we can't even articulate some of the things you've articulated? You clearly see the writing on the wall...we all slip up. You fell off the wagon...okay...get back on...embrace the fact that we're all human, and now post narc...YOU DON'T HAVE TO BE PERFECT!...Yeah!!!! Now, I'm gonna play a game of let me top you - and it's to make you feel better.... I was actually looked down on by a FRIGGING GROUP of ex- or possibly active CRACKHEADS!!!! Don't you feel better now? *note, my narc allegedly claimed to be 18 years clean and presented well - little did I know about addiction and the whole idea that the drug could be dropped but they'd still be crackheads in terms of how they live... Ah, such is life live and you learn and in my case, prepare a questionnare before considering a date... All the best!
Sep 27 - 4AM (Reply to #29)
helldweller
helldweller's picture

michele

First of all, I've already been flogged with a wet noodle--for three and a half years! LOL Secondly, thank you for your kind words. If you'd told me a week ago that I'd find out about Eric's baptism in a week and be ok after a few hours, there's no way I would have believed you. A week ago, that news would have probably merited the stabbing of the narc which everyone thought was eventually coming. Today, I wouldn't dirty the knife. Michele, I do feel much better knowing that you are the object of scorn by crackheads. I am sure that they and all of the personal shoppers will figure it all out for us one day. I do kind of wish I'd copied and pasted the baptism photo on here for a few hours, so you all could have seen how utterly ridiculous it was: the three sissy, clueless brothers without a woman among them and the little Eskimo kid. My narc looks like he is about to have a heart attack. You gotta laugh at people who think they have figured it all out.
Sep 27 - 2PM (Reply to #33)
better off
better off's picture

lmao!!! I will never be

lmao!!! I will never be able to hear the expression "flogged with a wet noodle" the same way again. OMG, I am falling off my chair! lololol What a great term for narcs too, btw... Wet Noodles. I've needed a nickname for yours, helldweller, besides Insane Psychopath, but I think Wet Noodle would be good.
Sep 28 - 11AM (Reply to #45)
anonymous
anonymous's picture

It IS a Great Term for Narcs

seeing as they all suffer from ED so all they have is a wet (useless) noodle hanging between their legs lame and limp at the same time. ;-)
Sep 28 - 11AM (Reply to #46)
wholeagain
wholeagain's picture

Uh huh

So maybe we should be looking for Viagra in their pockets, not Prego?
Sep 27 - 2PM (Reply to #34)
helldweller
helldweller's picture

better off

Yes, it's odd that someone could interchangeably be called "Insane Psychopath" or "Wet Noodle," but that's one of the wonders of the narc male.
Sep 28 - 10AM (Reply to #39)
helldweller
helldweller's picture

Noodle Head is catching on

For fun, I posted on my Facebook page: "Note to self: Do not open the door for Noodle Head," and it's taken on urban legend status. Beware of Noodle Head. Can you see a film about him--like "Candyman" or "Hellraiser" or "Pumpkinhead?" It would be awesome. Noodle Head has the ability to appear at your door as a compassionate, loving, bumbling sweetheart, but beware. Once you let him in he sucks out your soul! I know to make it a good story, there would have to be something about his physical appearance that would give him away, so that the heorine would finally be able to recognize him, but I can't come up with anything yet. Like he has a tail, or cloven hooves or "NOODLE" carved into his skull.
Sep 28 - 10AM (Reply to #42)
better off
better off's picture

But... I thought it was

But... I thought it was Noodle Dick?
Sep 28 - 11AM (Reply to #43)
helldweller
helldweller's picture

Noodle Dick . . .

is the truth, but it's the head that informs the dick, no? As in "Dick head?"
Sep 28 - 11AM (Reply to #44)
better off
better off's picture

Where have you been, it's

Where have you been, it's the dick informing the head! So yeah, Noodle Head is the same thing. Hahahaha
Sep 28 - 10AM (Reply to #40)
wholeagain
wholeagain's picture

Or

check his pockets for Prego. Dead giveaway.
Sep 28 - 10AM (Reply to #41)
helldweller
helldweller's picture

Prego!

That's perfect!
Sep 27 - 2PM (Reply to #35)
better off
better off's picture

I call mine the Australian

I call mine the Australian Weasel, which is a close cousin of the Tasmanian Devil, only sneakier. Tas Devils can't pretend very well, and you really can't take them in public. Sometimes I prefer Sneaky Bastard. Or just He Who Shall Not Be Named. I love that line in the Carrie Underwood song Undo It, where she sings "I never say your name, and I never will." My mom had some horrible breakup in college that she will barely speak of, and one time I asked her what his name was, and she said wouldn't tell me. She told me she'd never speak his name again. Which I found annoying and dramatic from someone who is NEVER dramatic, but I get it now.
Sep 28 - 10AM (Reply to #37)
wholeagain
wholeagain's picture

I've used several names

But the current one is BT (bitchy troll). My girlfriend adds "overdrive' to the end because he's too much--thus, BTO. The earlier names were WLB (whiny little bitch) or WLPB (whiny little p*ssy bitch) and SLB (sandy little butthole). And I'll never, ever refer to him as MY anything. He's THE ex, or THE BT. I don't want any implied ownership over that clusterf*ck. There are some great names here! Who knew the Australian Weasel was sneakier than the Tasmanian Devil? Or that the Wet Noodle is so closely related to the Insane Psychopath? Cheers to you Helldweller, for your continuing upward evolution out of Wet Noodle hell.
Sep 28 - 10AM (Reply to #38)
better off
better off's picture

Recently I stopped using

Recently I stopped using "mine" to refer to his sneaky self, though I just did it in that post, cuz I got lazy and didn't want to say "the narc I knew" or some version of that. But yeah, I hear you, he's not mine and I don't want him to be mine. He's just the AW I guess. Because I think that he was sneaky above all other things. Loving the "overdrive" part. Too funny. I dubbed loveofmylife's Monkey Business at one time because she was in business with him, and all I could think was that his business seemed to be primarily Monkey Business. But I think we took to calling him Ken for a while, because he collected so many "Barbies."
Sep 28 - 6AM (Reply to #36)
helldweller
helldweller's picture

better off

My mom will not allow his name to be spoken in her presence. And she is the most un-dramatic person I've ever met, too.
Sep 27 - 4AM (Reply to #30)
michele115 (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

OMG!

Laughter through tradgedy...who woulda thunk it?...LMAO Seriously sitting here in the dark, laughing my ass off!...not LMAO...but laughing so much, my sides hurt!!! THANK YOU SO MUCH!... Hugs!
Sep 27 - 5AM (Reply to #31)
blueeyes
blueeyes's picture

Michele and HW

I'm excited 4 the day I can LMAO for real! Its been a while. I had it in the 1st 2 stsges! Where is my humor?
Sep 27 - 6AM (Reply to #32)
michele115 (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Blue

Your humor is a work in progress...your day is coming...scouts honor... Hugs!
Sep 27 - 1AM
M
M's picture

HD-

the only reason he went through with it is for the image it projects on him. Mine started taking our daughter to mass after the divorce. (Him Mom influenced that) Now that football has started, well he's not so "religious". Remember, n's are so concerned of what others think. Image. '
Sep 26 - 4PM
Qing Yuan
Qing Yuan's picture

Oh H-D-er I just wan say

Oh H-D-er I just wan say this must have been horrible. I feel for you and send out healing thoughts for you right now. You will never know how much your words have healed me and helped me. Whe I was in bad way you lifted me like nothign else... thanks again for that! All I can say is that you are a special and good person and that you are stronger that you may think. Dont let this ruin your good hard work to get where you are.. He is a scum and he will never change. So long as these men are around us or in our midst, (cyber or in real time) they are giving off toxic fumes... everything they touch or posess will turn to poison and eventually becomes like them.. TOXIC... SO dont be to hard on yourself or loose your faith in where you are. He cant take that way from you no matter what crappy stuff he does.. Good luck.. x
Sep 26 - 2PM
gettinbetter
gettinbetter's picture

Helldweller

I dont even know what to say. So painful. So Im just gonna say Im sorry.
Sep 26 - 12PM
kiwi10
kiwi10's picture

helldweller

oh my gosh ouch :( that must have hurt so bad, i'm so sorry... but the thing is you have to remember what a piece of crap he is!! he's not something you want anyway. he's going to chew her up and spit out the pulp. feel bad for her and little child. i know it hurts because it brings back all the crap he did to you though, and i dont know what to say except i understand and i will keep you in my prayers. stay strong we love you... xox
Sep 26 - 11AM
faithinthefuture
faithinthefuture's picture

helldweller

I could hear you scream! I'm with you and all the others in that group scream! AAAARRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!!! You know he's standing in that church and God sees him. the N forgets about Him. He's only thinking of how good he looks to everyone. And I agree he knew you would see this picture. That poor lil boy. Hang in there and don't go backwards! You will get thru this!!! HE IS FAKE FAKE FAKE!!!!!!