I need a translation

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Sep 2 - 1PM (Reply to #23)
Used
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cluelessuntilnow

funny, both myexh and n were big and looked tough, talk about when the going gets tough the tough get going. lol, and they wont ever take resposibity, well what child does.
Sep 2 - 12PM (Reply to #20)
Susan32
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I got sarcastic on that point

Yeah, it's pretty pathetic to see a middle-aged professor be an overgrown boy REFUSING to own up. After the D&D, I said, "What a man! You won't take responsibility and apologize!" This was tinged with such sarcasm and cruelty I wanted to see him writhe like a slug getting salt slooowly being poured on it. A friend of mine described the ex-Psych professor as ALWAYS running away. ALWAYS afraid of the consequences. Normal people can have fallings-out and not talk for years, or it will take years before there are GENUINE apologies. Whenever I tried to confront the ex-P for an apology, he BLAMED me for his bad behavior "I was being inappropriate because you were inappropriate." His last words to me were "You were inappropriate." As one of my friends said, it would either (a)take a long time to apologize or more likely (b)NEVER apologize. That's why I identify with those poor men who were abused by priests getting apologies from the Pope,bishops,etc. Those abuse survivors will NEVER hear their abusers' apologies. Believe me... I sent a postcard 7 years ago telling the ex-P that while I'd like to get a REAL apology for how he treated me, I also said he was too IMMATURE to give it. The postcard to him was incredibly condescending. There are times when I'd looove to simply use the ex-P's inability to apologize as a means to drive him nuts. It would be "I know you can't apologize! Neener,neener,neener" Cruel but that's how I feel.
Sep 3 - 10AM (Reply to #21)
Used
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susan

i have just edited this cos, i misread your post. sorry.
Sep 2 - 12PM (Reply to #18)
Susan32
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Just like the D&D

Throughout the D&D, the ex-Psych professor attacked my character. I'd tell him to STOP, and he'd say "I'm sorry YOU feel that way." I was responding NORMALLY. Here was a teacher, who's ENTRUSTED to the care of students and he was heartless. After the D&D, I sarcastically told him "I guess being a teacher means it's OK to trample on students' feelings?" He did admit to NOT respecting students as people... but by then I was like a cougar cornering a coyote. I HATED it when the ex-P said "I'm sorry YOU feel that way" as if my hurt were just an interpretation. He'd constantly say that if I thought differently about him, I wouldn't be hurting. It's as if I couldn't own my OWN suffering! He'd reduce me to tears PUBLICLY then say "You're embarrassing yourself" an "I see you're struggling" (but then show absolutely NO compassion) Throughout the D&D, he made it seem as if my suffering were self-created, and even afterwards, showed NO repentance for the pain he caused. He was emotionally sadistic... no wonder my mother was afraid that the emotional abuse would escalate to the physical (thank God it didn't) In the end, after the D&D, after meeting the LDR LA girlfriend, I told him that he had PURPOSEFULLY hurt me. I had protected him from his own actions. I had tried protecting him from his own anxieties,etc. I used to attend his pity parties. Now I intended to crash them. He had told me about his stay in a mental hospital, told me not to tell anyone (if he had been a GOOD PERSON, it would've been a secret I kept in confidence)... and there are times I'd love to pull that trigger just to see HIM be the one lose his marbles. Call me sadistic, but after he did, the thought of a former professor being in an insane asylum sounds positively gratifying. Not only would I not be indifferent, I'd be gloating over it.
Sep 2 - 11AM (Reply to #3)
Used
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cluelessnow

he means it didnt work out for him, what a waste of his precious life. what he wants you to do is agree he bought you pain, once you do that. HIS JOB HERE IS DONE.
Sep 2 - 11AM (Reply to #12)
terri
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clueless

I just had a similar comment stated to me the last time I saw my exN. He said, "I think you and the kids are probably better off without me in your life." My instant thought reaction was that he wanted me to respond with something like, "we NEED you in our lives. We would be worse off WITHOUT you in our lives." I had that conversation after finding this forum and was fore-armed with the knowledge of narc-speak. So the usual response that he was probably expecting was instead replaced with silence and a feeling of indifference. I think in my head I was thinking "OMG, I can totally see through you know." That was his usual MO to bait a remark of praise and ego-stroking. I think that's what your N was probably fishing for as well.

Believe in yourself!
Terri

Sep 2 - 11AM (Reply to #15)
cluelessuntilnow
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I fell into that one

For ages he has been saying (usually when things are not going his way), I wish I had never come back. reminds me of a child who wants to take his toys home because he does not want to share. And do you really want our child around someone like me (pity party and unworthy). I am so sick of it.
Sep 2 - 11AM (Reply to #14)
cluelessuntilnow
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I fell into that one

For ages he has been saying (usually when things are not going his way), I wish I had never come back. reminds me of a child who wants to take his toys home because he does not want to share. And do you really want our child around someone like me (pity party and unworthy). I am so sick of it.
Sep 2 - 11AM (Reply to #13)
cluelessuntilnow
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I fell into that one

For ages he has been saying (usually when things are not going his way), I wish I had never come back. reminds me of a child who wants to take his toys home because he does not want to share. And do you really want our child around someone like me (pity party and unworthy). I am so sick of it.
Sep 2 - 11AM (Reply to #4)
cluelessuntilnow
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Used

So let me get this straight: 1) he couldn't sleep with me 2) now this is a waste of his time because he is not getting what he wants 3) he wants me to tell him how much he is hurting me because it makes him feel? feel what? I don't get this part.
Sep 2 - 11AM (Reply to #5)
Used
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cluelessuntilnow

omniptent, validated, god. you wouldnt sleep with him. have i got that right?, you dented his ego. so he has to get you back, if he hurt you, to him it was his payback.
Sep 2 - 11AM (Reply to #6)
cluelessuntilnow
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Used

Yes, I told him I would never be his affair. The day after I did that I got long cover his a** e-mail telling me how happy he was with his life, how much he was in love with his wife. How obviously I had "misunderstood" him. Ok I am venting but since that time he has tried several times again to start something with me. Obviously I have "misunderstood" him multiple times since then. So now I am being punished for not going down that road with him.
Sep 2 - 11AM (Reply to #7)
Used
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cluelessuntilnow

yes excactly, how dare you[in his eyes] not fall into his arms and bed, i am so glad you didnt b/c he would have still treated you this way after, you are obviously a woman of courage. fair play to you, after 3years platonic freindship with the n, he wanted to do sex, when i said no, i got all this, i am sorry i treated you like a c..t, i am sorry i have hurt you, thats all i got off him, but during a big fight with him where he totally lost control, he was foaming at the mouty. true. HE screamed at me you have took me for a c..t, you have used me, you dont hurt me and get away with it. wtf .they say and do everything backwards, projecting everything they feel but saying you feel it.sicko,s big time.
Sep 2 - 12PM (Reply to #9)
cluelessuntilnow
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Used

Thanks for the translation... honestly I don't think men like this are used to women who say no. It is beyond them why one would not want to just jump in bed with them. I am not the 22 year old that fell in love with him. I am stronger and wiser. Funny thing is that he knows it and I think it fuels his anger. The words he uses to describe me are "strong" and "honest". Sometimes mocking me for being so honest. I think he somewhat admires those qualities and hates them at the same time.
Sep 2 - 12PM (Reply to #10)
Used
Used's picture

admire

he does admire them, even if they are mocking, they admire our qualities b/c they have none.n used to say i was strong i was principaled and so on, he also called women sluts, and said why dont any of them say no. i said why dont you. you see where you said no, he wouldnt and couldnt. so they admire us, and envy us, envy is a terrible trait, thats why the put us down, we have what they will never have. bounderies, morals, scruples.
Sep 2 - 12PM (Reply to #11)
cluelessuntilnow
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admire

Oh my gosh... you are so right.He hates that I have morals, and that I set boundaries and expectations. Until you wrote the above it didn't really click but he does envy me in many ways. He always bitterly says " you have a good life" as if I should have shriveled up and lived in the gutter when he left. Don't get me wrong he as money and all the trappings (wife, kids, houses, cars) but his life is full of secrets, cheating and bad personal choices. I think he is mad I would not compromise my morals. I also expect him to be a good person and will not accept his bad behavior. Lordy, lordy who do I think I am...expecting him to behave! LOL!
Sep 2 - 11AM (Reply to #8)
blueeyes
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sick of it..lol so hard I'm lol

Oh Dear! I'm sorry but were you texting my husband? That's soooooo typical of him! JK of course. I get the i love you when I question anything. It's a cop out.. My H usually sends the usual if he feels I am not contacting him, "thinking of you, I love you!" I almost think he's got it saved to send out periodically...It's empty to me..I save them and one day hope to share the pathetic point with him....He will only get enraged but deep down he's smart enough to know I am making fun of him.