Am I Overreacting....Advice please:)

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Jul 11 - 1PM (Reply to #25)
Steph
Steph's picture

haha. you are funny. he is

haha. you are funny. he is definately not gay though and definately has a real girlfriend.
Jul 11 - 6PM (Reply to #26)
betty2020
betty2020's picture

glad i made you laugh girl

glad i made you laugh girl but i would double check that. Kinda strange he gives a rats ass about curtains don't ya think??? If so and hes not gay then walk away cuz somethings not sitting right there.....xoxoxo

only one way to go...Forward (tm?)

Jul 11 - 6PM (Reply to #27)
Steph
Steph's picture

yeah, I'm not concerned with

yeah, I'm not concerned with him anymore. He insulted me twice.....and also another one I forgot: I was eating out of a bag of chips and he casually took the bag away and put it on the coffee table lol. and he is a cheater. told me he was single. he kissed me and wanted more. oh his poor girlfriend. it's so funny when you have the knowledge we have now and can pick these losers out easier.
Jul 11 - 6PM (Reply to #28)
betty2020
betty2020's picture

Ok now that is just way over

Ok now that is just way over stepping his bounds!!!I would have slapped the shit out of him for taking my chips!!!!No one messes with my food!!!! My exN use to take food off my plate without asking. next man that comes near my plate is going to have hell to pay. I will be like a angry starving dog and attack. Big trigger for me...Errrrrrr. Glad hes not an issue. What a looser. xoxo Ps. yes we have become quite smart and wise through our adversity and thats a good thing.

only one way to go...Forward (tm?)

Jul 11 - 7PM (Reply to #29)
NancyM
NancyM's picture

Chips

LMAO betty...love it.

Nevergoback

Jul 10 - 8PM
Susan32
Susan32's picture

When humor hurts

You were justified in dropping him. He was trying to gauge what he could get away with. Humor can be a dicey subject. When is it funny, and when does it cross the line? Maybe it's because my ex-P was so blatant. He saw humor as a form of weakness, yet he had no problems with making mean "jokes" at my expense. He hated the thought of people ridiculing him behind his back, yet he made a mockery of him. His sense of humor was nearly non-existent. It's all about telling the difference.
Jul 10 - 8PM
Amy
Amy's picture

Player move...

It is a standard "player" move to mildly insult a woman. That way, the woman seeks his approval in other ways. It gives him the upper hand. I read the Player's Handbook when I was broken up with the N. Seriously - it directly comes from there. That and magic tricks. NLP (neuro-linguistic programming), etc. So when I am out and a guy is pulling out the player moves, I have been known to say "Is that your standard move?". Always takes them by surprise!
Jul 11 - 7AM (Reply to #19)
agnesmurphy17
agnesmurphy17's picture

Brainwashing

Yep. A player move. Human beings want to impress those who are aloof. Groucho Marx said it: "I would never want to be in a club that would have me as a member." Dude makes you want to impress him. Also, this was an introduction one night on the town. So much reflection & investment of thought. And, people making excuses for his bad behavior. Women always coddling men. Men expect women to build their lives around them. And we do. I went out Friday night for the first time in over a year. I danced with strange men. Drank mixed drinks. And, I left. I had a blast. I did not expect anything. Did not ask anything. And, I have not given one of those men another thought. And one was very nice & handsome & seemed interested. My girlfriend & I went to another bar & some guys who had made some noises about doing something said they would meet us there. They never showed. I didn't even care or notice until I read this post. My friend & me, we did our own thing & had a blast. I am learning to live for myself. And I am still a wreck after my N. After all, I am still here seeking support. I feel very needy & lonely at times. It is so difficult. But, I try not to be vulnerable. And I listen to my gut & I see the Red Flags. You need to listen to yourself & your gut. Trust yourself. After all, it is you who will be involved with the person. Not all these other people. Being in a relationship with a man is not the validation of our existence. It's nicer if it is a good relationship. But I am not a failure if I am single.
Jul 11 - 8AM (Reply to #20)
Steph
Steph's picture

Thanks:) I actually wasn't

Thanks:) I actually wasn't wanting to date this guy or anything. I am following the 18 month recommendation. I guess I just wanted to know for the future....if I overreact, or if I have accurate instincts. Now I know:) I'm so happy you went out and had a blast!!!
Jul 11 - 10AM (Reply to #21)
betty2020
betty2020's picture

I totally agree..the 18

I totally agree..the 18 month rule is a must.

only one way to go...Forward (tm?)

Jul 10 - 8PM (Reply to #15)
Steph
Steph's picture

so you would have taken

so you would have taken those things like mild insults then too?
Jul 10 - 9PM (Reply to #16)
Amy
Amy's picture

yes

Yes but with an agenda. He probably isn't an N. The flip side is he MAY have been trying to say you look better in person than in your picture.
Jul 11 - 3AM (Reply to #17)
better off
better off's picture

Um, not. That was totally a

Um, not. That was totally a passive-aggressive insult designed to make her feel insecure.
Jul 11 - 11AM (Reply to #18)
Amy
Amy's picture

Well...

I am just trying not to be an alarmist. I posted earlier that it is a total player move to insult a woman to get her to work harder for his attention. I had someone say I looked better in person than my photos once, and I reacted like "WTF does THAT mean?" But I realize that is not what he said to her. He actually said "not the best photo".
Jul 10 - 8PM
NinjaGirl
NinjaGirl's picture

That depends

What did you do/say in return? If you pulled out his spleen with your bare hands, I'd say you overreacted, yeah. I dunno. Guy doesn't sound like he has great social graces. Only hang out with him if he behaves himself. Another insult, and you just get up and tell him, "See ya." Edited to add: Did he make the curtain comment as though he may have been complimenting your decorating, or was it definitely a snub?
Jul 10 - 8PM (Reply to #2)
Steph
Steph's picture

I didn't say anything in

I didn't say anything in response. It just struck me as rude. The curtain comment sounded like a snub to me - but maybe it wasn't. It was just a weird way he said it. I joke around a lot and can have a sarcastic and dry sense of humour so I think I can usually tell when someone is the same way and just joking/teasing. I can take jokes/teasing well. I think it was just the way he said it....especially after the picture comment. i dunno.......
Jul 11 - 3AM (Reply to #12)
better off
better off's picture

The main thing is you are

The main thing is you are trusting your gut. Another person might have said the same thing just because they were socially awkward and that's how it would have felt. See... you DO know the difference. WWLP makes a big point about the fact that we as a group are more likely to trust people's intentions without making them earn it. And women in general are conditioned to be that way, or told we are "overreacting" when we do not like the way someone is treating us. Well... it's a big world out there, why SHOULD we trust anyone without them earning it? You don't know this guy from Adam, why in the hell SHOULD you give him the benefit of the doubt? He displayed condescending behavior from the get-go... and then, he turned out to be living with a girl. Surprise surprise. I bet he doesn't like her curtains either. Anyway,I think any person, male or female, who thinks it's appropriate to make personal comments or judgments, the day they meet you!, on your photos or curtains is obnoxious period. Why waste your time?
Jul 11 - 7AM (Reply to #13)
Steph
Steph's picture

Thanks:) This whole minor

Thanks:) This whole minor little event has given me another piece of evidence to ALWAYS TRUST YOUR GUT - it won't fail you!
Jul 10 - 8PM (Reply to #3)
NinjaGirl
NinjaGirl's picture

I say drop him

I now judge every guy against my best friend, who is male and very polite and kind. Most guys fail out quickly.
Jul 10 - 8PM (Reply to #4)
Steph
Steph's picture

I will drop him. I already

I will drop him. I already turned him down for a date anyways, I guess I just wanted to know for the future...if i am an overreacter lol
Jul 11 - 12PM (Reply to #10)
almostlydia
almostlydia's picture

Trust your gut

One of the things I am trying very hard to do from now on is trust my gut feeling about things especially because they were soooo right in the past. Just recently I started to 'second guess' whether or not I had been unfair or had misjudged when I decided to sever a friendship because it seemed this friend was showing similar traits to the exN. The big red flag came when she told me she lies to her friends about doing things she has no intention of doing just to get them off her back. This was almost verbatim the same excuse the exN used for 10 yrs! When I figured that was exactly the same thing she did to me and didn't show for something that was a big deal to me, I went NC on her. The second guessing lasted about a minute before I said 'fu*k it', I'm sticking to my gut. The funny thing is that now 3 wks later I'm getting little emails from her that remind me even more of the same exN tactics. In the last one she was underhandedly trying to find out if I was seeing my exN again by asking if I had contact info on one of his friends. Took me a while to decide whether to call her on all her sh*t or just be short and to the point. I finally just responded saying I had no contact there anymore, and would be too busy to get together with her anytime soon. I think its better to err on the safe side and lose a few who make you wonder than be victimized again. Good for you! stick to your gut.

almostlydia

Jul 11 - 1PM (Reply to #11)
Steph
Steph's picture

and good for you too!

For removing a toxic friendship from your life. It's hard to do ( I had to do that with one friend as well) but so necessary.
Jul 11 - 4AM (Reply to #8)
dysenchanted
dysenchanted's picture

staying. strong 78

You've only met this guy once, and already you're having cognitive dissonance. I think that's a definite red flag. I don't think you're an over reactor.Sounds like your instincts were on the money this time.I'm glad you dodged that bullet .Users of all kinds,from garden variety jerks to full blown P's, count on our being conditioned to UNDER REACT to their garbage. Good for you for trusting your gut!
Jul 11 - 7AM (Reply to #9)
Steph
Steph's picture

Thanks dysenchanted:) I

Thanks dysenchanted:) I actually never would have even thought that was cognitive dissonance.....but that's exactly true.
Jul 10 - 8PM (Reply to #5)
NinjaGirl
NinjaGirl's picture

Nope

You're good!
Jul 11 - 12PM (Reply to #6)
neveragain5
neveragain5's picture

Staying Strong

Congratulations! You listened to yourself and dodged a bullet. We absolutely have to listen to ourselves and our gut. Recently, I had an interaction with a man that put me on the defensive. The preschool of one of my girls that I watch, was having a little party. One of the fathers asked for a playdate with us. I gave him my number and he texted, not called, texted me. His text really irked me, but I didn't want to ruin the the little girl's opportunity to have fun with her friend. As it got closer to the time of the playdate, I started getting more and more nervous. When I went to pick up the little girl I watched, my friend from the preschool asked what we were doing. I told her we had a playdate with the other little girl and I was not feeling right about it. She told me I shouldn't. I won't go into detail, but basically she told me that there was an ugly situation involving him. I called him and told him that the little girl I watch needs to take a nap and we couldn't go. Going forward, I won't be accepting his texts anymore. These little incidents help to strengthen our beliefs in ourselves and how WE feel about things. I believe that there are some things that we don't need validation for. If we believe is is wrong, then that should be enough.
Jul 11 - 1PM (Reply to #7)
Steph
Steph's picture

and you dodged a bullet as

and you dodged a bullet as well:) "These little incidents help to strengthen our beliefs in ourselves and how WE feel about things. I believe that there are some things that we don't need validation for. If we believe is is wrong, then that should be enough" I am going to remember this:)