day 2 of NC

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Jul 9 - 4PM (Reply to #20)
Happy1
Happy1's picture

Thanks! YOu are all right!

Thanks! YOu are all right! I'm not emotionally stable to see him. I will have to look at this as it cost me $200.00 to get my life back. He is a rich scientist and yet the cheapest man I knew and never had his wallet on him. That's how he got the money from me. I will never fall for that with another man and I will not be that giving to another man. Lesson learned. Monday I go get my belongings on the boat while he is at work and then I'm done. I will not leave the phone because he has the $200.00. I will keep the phone for when I get a job maybe I can connect it and use the iphone and set up an account for myself. He's dirt! I did have a phone interview this afternoon and won't hear if I have an in person interview until end of next week of beginning of the following. I'm keeping my fingers crossed. This is the first phone call I've received since I was laid off in February. Thanks guys!
Jul 9 - 4PM (Reply to #24)
better off
better off's picture

Awesome!! I think an iphone

Awesome!! I think an iphone for 200 dollars isn't the worst deal you could make. :) Seems to be quite common that the wealthy ones are cheap asses. Even Tiger Woods! lol You do sound better. And when you dip in the valley and feel sad you still have the board. I hope you have a very good weekend.
Jul 9 - 4PM (Reply to #23)
rainbow1
rainbow1's picture

sad1

Good luck to you! I am sure that you did great! I am proud that you are getting your stuff when he isnt there. I just want to warn you though, he will rage. He will call you and call you. He will not be able to stand it that you did this so that you didnt have to see him. When mine told me he was on his way to my office (2 min from his house) to give me back my stuff I said "K see you soon" then I left! Well guess what? He just drove past my office, didnt see my car and kept going. Then decided I could only get my stuff if I went to his house to get it WHEN he was there. He lives with one of my best friends but demanded that he MUST be there. He will be upset that you did it behind his back to avoid seeing him. Just stay strong!

_______________________________________________
"dont let yesterday take up too much of today"

Jul 9 - 4PM (Reply to #21)
NinjaGirl
NinjaGirl's picture

Keeping my fingers crossed!

Hell, I'm keeping everything crossed for you! And I have to tell you that you're already sounding a LOT better. Please keep it up. How did the phone interview go?
Jul 9 - 4PM (Reply to #22)
Happy1
Happy1's picture

Thanks! If I'm sounding

Thanks! If I'm sounding better it's because of all of you encouraging me and supporting me. I feel like I have some real understanding friends here. Thanks for crossing everything for me...hahaha! I think it went okay. I smiled on the phone and tried to sound like my old bubbly positive self. I hope it worked and thank you for reminding me how important a smile is on the phone. You can really tell that on the phone when someone speaks. You're the best!
Jul 9 - 8AM
Scoop
Scoop's picture

Oh Sad1 youre doing really

Oh Sad1 youre doing really well . I think back to the very first few days of NC and i honestly dont remember them my head was so foggy , i do remeber the sweating though it was horrible but quite normal , the other thing i recall was i kept loosing my car , id park it somewhere and do what i had to do and because i was so deep in narc land thought i never remember where i put it , after a while it became funny "oh for f**k sake i have lost the bleeding car again " Its was like i went into a time warp , i had things in my fridge i had no recoglection buying least of all if they where out of date... oh but let me tell you sad1 you WILL get through it .. im with you , im around tonigt which will be youre afternoon and im around all day sunday for a chats , weekends are hard xxx
Jul 9 - 8AM
NinjaGirl
NinjaGirl's picture

Sad

Take a few deep breaths and try to calm yourself. I really want you to try a progressive muscle relaxation exercise. Try this one: http://www.guidetopsychology.com/pmr.htm I bet the two days have felt like forever, and each hour feels like a day, and each day feels like a month, but it really hasn't been that long. I completely understand. As far as the phone is concerned, I still would just hold onto it, but put it somewhere where you aren't looking at it, and just wait and see what happens after your friend contacts him. She should still demand your belongings as well as the $200 he owes you. Don't take any calls from him, don't take any texts or emails from him. Redirect or forward his emails to another email address of a friend, or back to his own email address. I wish I could be there to help you. I still have my down times as well. I still question why he isn't contacting me, on occasion, and whether he's found someone else already (God help her), and how he could get over me so easily, and I still have to make myself not think about the good times. But in the end, I know that the relationship didn't make me happy, and wasn't what I wanted for the rest of my life. It wasn't healthy for me. Right now I have to use my head instead of my heart, and so do you. So tell me, what kinds of jobs are you looking for? What would you *like* to do for a living? What are your specialties? Everyone has skills they're really good at. Did you get in a walk yesterday? Are you going to take one today?
Jul 9 - 11AM (Reply to #5)
Happy1
Happy1's picture

Thanks! I will try to get

Thanks! I will try to get up off the couch today. I did get a phone call for a phone interview this afternoon so I have to get some of my confidence back for this and stop crying. I am looking for an Office Management position. I managed 3 facilities in my last job and was in charge of maintenance, mailroom, admins and front desk staff. The phone interview I have today is for an Executive Assistant so I'm not sure what pay scale I would be looking at for that but I'm glad I have something to distract me. It's the first call I've received since February. I hope I do well and get the job. It would be a sweet distraction for me. I'm freaking out a little that my N hasn't contacted me. I guess it's because he knows there's no excuse for what he can say about being on match.com. I got him and he cannot turn this around to be my fault as he always does. My friend isn't contacting him yet. We are on wait and see mode right now. I called the lady that has the boat accross from him yesterday and she put me at ease and told me she thought he was very strange from the beginning and quiet and didn't know how to read him. She said they didn't really care for him until they met me and it was great. I felt better for some reason. My friend said I'm what made him a better person. He's a jerk and people see that, just not me. I hope she's right because I don't want him happy. I know he's not thinking of me today and I'm doing my best. I can't wait to get to a day where I just don't care. But is this a game of his for not contacting me about his phone? It's an Iphone and he's too cheap to go buy another. Is he waiting for me to cool off? WTF? The lady accross from my N's boat said she would keep an eye out to make sure my N doesn't throw or damage my things on the boat. She said she cried yesterday because we were getting so close and felt very bad for the situation and he's a huge jerk. I'm just sad.
Jul 9 - 11AM (Reply to #6)
NinjaGirl
NinjaGirl's picture

Ok, a few thoughts

First of all, GOOD LUCK on the interview! Make sure you play up all the things you're great at. Force yourself to sound happy. Think about good things. Think about when you held your son for the first time. Make sure you smile when you're talking - it will carry across. And sound and feel confident. A security guard where I work said she never had a good feeling about my ex when he came in to either visit or pick me up. She said I made him look better because of how good a person I am. Don't you see? The things people like about him are because YOU were with him! YOU are the one they like! You just don't have the confidence to believe it yet. That's very nice that the lady is going to keep an eye on your boat. Sounds like a great person. Don't worry about it if he doesn't contact you. You just put that phone away where you aren't looking at it, and go about your life. He will contact you again. If he doesn't, sell the phone and try to make some of the money back. Do you have a car? Pizza delivery drivers can make good tips. Even if it's just for a few hours a week, it'll get you out of the house, doing something, and making money until you get a good full time job. Sweetie, YOU are the awesome one here, not him. I wish you could see through my eyes. You'd believe it. But you have to believe it on your own.
Jul 9 - 11AM (Reply to #7)
Happy1
Happy1's picture

Thanks for your great tips

Thanks for your great tips NinjaGirl. Especially about smiling when I'm talking on the phone and being positive. I will definitely be mindful of this today and pray I get an interview onsite. I'm nervous because of the state I'm in but I will try to push him out of my head today. My phone interview is at 3 so this is a a good distraction for me. I really truly need it. I would thank God a million times over if I got a job right now. It would be just what I need to start building my life again. Do you think my N is playing a game with his Iphone? I've always been the one that goes back and immediately begs him to take me back no matter what he does because I miss him. Well, I do miss him right now but I know what he has done is so wrong and I can't contact him. He's ruined this. He's the bad guy and not me. I have to keep missing him. I'm just scared I can't figure out what is next with him. Thanks for your help.
Jul 9 - 11AM (Reply to #8)
NinjaGirl
NinjaGirl's picture

Yes

I think he's playing games. So you have to play the game better. I know I wrote this on the board before, but I'll write it again. My grandma used to be a VP in real estate. She's really good with people. She told me, just a few weeks ago, that in almost any situation, the first person to speak loses. So no matter how hard it is, don't contact him. Don't ponder why he's not contacting you. Focus on yourself and what YOU want out of life. When you love yourself more than you love him, and when you get truly angry and realize that you're wasting all this energy on him, things will start to change. And I don't think you miss him. You miss companionship, and you miss the "charming" aspects he displays, and you miss what you thought he was. You don't miss the sick pathological cheating freak, do you? I didn't think so. Things are hard. They're going to continue to be hard for a while. You have to keep pushing through it. You have to endure the pain. Hey, at least you know you're alive and have feelings, right? Good luck on the interview! I'm thinking good thoughts your way.
Jul 9 - 11AM (Reply to #9)
Happy1
Happy1's picture

Thanks! And I truly believe

Thanks! And I truly believe you're absolutely right about the first to break contact loses. It won't be me. I won't break contact at all. You're right. I'm very lonely and do miss companionship but I don't miss his mysterious cheating behind my back constantly. I don't miss him emotionally cheating on me with other women either. He's cruel and would never talk or share anything with me and said he wouldn't miss me if I went away so I won't ponder or hope he's thinking of me. He's not. I just want him out of my head.
Jul 9 - 11AM (Reply to #10)
NinjaGirl
NinjaGirl's picture

It's a process

It's long and slow and drawn out. The more you find to occupy your time, however, the easier it is. That's why I learned to drive stick-shift last week. I didn't NEED to, but I wanted to do something to make me feel better about myself (goal accomplished), and it took my mind off him. It's also part of the reason why I go to the gym, or watch marathons of shows I really like on DVD or Netflix. A couple of weeks from now you're going to realize you're thinking about him a lot less, especially if you keep up the no contact. And occasionally it'll hit you, and you'll wonder what he's doing, and maybe feel panicky that he hasn't contacted you, but stay calm, and it'll pass.
Jul 9 - 8AM
helldweller
helldweller's picture

sad1

First of all, you actually seem to be doing a teeny bit better, so good for you. I've seen asshole every day and screamed at him. I told him yesterday that I hate his son, his voice, his face, etc. and the N asked me if I wanted him to come over for sex later. Sick, sick, sick. I said, "I am seriously screwed up if I can feel hate for a six year old child. I cannot be in this situation." He said, "It's no big deal. As long as you love me." Ugh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Anyway, your asshole got another phone, I'm sure, and a new number. What has the activity been on it? Sorry, I haven't been on long enough to read everything, but I did see the bit about your having his phone and finding that info. Have people been calling him?
Jul 9 - 12PM (Reply to #3)
Happy1
Happy1's picture

Helldweller, I understand

Helldweller, I understand where you are with the hate. It's such a long process. I have his Iphone and it says it's temporarily out of service so he wants to make sure I'm not calling on it and he changed his password on his email so I can't read anymore of his match emails. I'm assuming he still wants it back and this thing is his lifeline so that's what is confusing me. Very confusing.
Jul 9 - 11AM (Reply to #2)
better off
better off's picture

Helldweller have you ever

Helldweller have you ever contacted a DV center in your area? This man is so incredibly destructive and I think you really need some help to get him OUT of your life. As you said, how can you hate a six year old child that is being VICTIMIZED by him. I would lay cash that he is molesting that boy. He's definitely using him for emotional incest and that's bad enough. This guy has done radical damage to you and you need to take radical steps to get away from him. Like moving. If you lived next to a toxic waste dump would you stay there? No matter what it cost to leave? Please please please get some help in your area. Your life and your children's lives depend on it. Do it for them.