(this is a sore spot for me...)
That Narcs also reject their own neediness and need for companionship and project neediness onto their victims. Ever hear of projective identification? Narcs can create a situation that enables neediness of the victim. I swear that happened to me because I am a very independent lady and I had no self esteem at the end of the relationship and could barely tie my shoes without him.
I felt the same way the first 2 times we split up. I am very independent - had my son at 18 (no parental help), still finished undergrad at 22, MBA at 26, built a successful career, own my home, drive a luxury car, etc...
He always told me how to do everything (control freak) - my job, how to take care of my house, what to wear, who to be friends with, what color to get my toenails painted, etc... He MADE me needy - and that's what he wanted.
When we split before, I didn't know what to do with myself. I only had a couple of good girlfriends, I didn't want to go out without him, I was terrified of making personal decisions. The second time - when we split for a year - I had less of an issue, but dealt with the stress through shopping and drinking. It took a while to feel independent, but I did it - went out with friends, dated, lived my life.
When he came back and proposed, I think part of the struggle was that I was not willing to just let him run over me again. I was constantly frustrated and I am sure he was too because he could not control me. I am sure that is a big part of why he disappeared.
needy just means...
Let me also add...
Bodhi