Guess I don't agree

48 posts / 0 new
Last post
#1 Jun 15 - 4PM
Anonymous (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Guess I don't agree

For three months only, I've been coming to this forum.
It has always been not only a source of much needed understanding, acceptance and support, but it has always been backed up by a plethora of published knowledge and wonderful links of resources.

I don't know where Barbara went, but I do know I am not impressed with the direction I see the forum going.

Lisa, just last week you said the forum wasn't going to change, yet in one week, it is hardly recognizable.

Reinforcing NC, constant reminders from Barbara, with her always having the last word, are very missed by me, for one.
I admire your mission, and you're sacrifices to provide this board, but I am not that fond of your methods.

Leaving the site w/o an experienced moderator, I find irresponsible. There are desperate victims that visit here sometimes, I was one. There are people in danger that come here sometimes... I've seen them. Leaving the site unattended I think undermines the severity and needs of the victims , the abused.

Your video "It's all about me", didn't sit right with me...and I believe there is something in this forum that is to serve YOU, and no longer acknowledge the true abused and the victims.

Narcissism is often comorbid with other disorders. Often, dangerous ones... my stbx is a bipolar narcissist psychopath. I don't believe that "hugs", "so sorry", or "I agree", or :)'s, are going to be the direction that many will need to begin to heal or to be safe.

It is your forum, and I wish you well. Moreso, I wish to thank all here that have been a part of my journey,
and tell you all I will be praying for you. Thank you so much everyone! xoxoxoxoxo:)

Jun 17 - 10AM
taken
taken's picture

support

I agree that Barbara helps by telling you about the book WWLP...but not everyone wants to be treated with "a slap side the head" for the way they feel or for coming to this forum looking for support. I think each individual is different in what they need to get through the difficult process of realizing you are having a relationship with a narc, then how to get away...and more importantly...stay away from them!! If someone treating you without compassion, and caring works for you...that is great... But for me....I find someone who shows they are interested in your feelings...and helps you understand....works better... I find that reading about others going through the same things I have helps me understand as well.... Not listening to repeated words that don't teach, encourage...or help anyone grow.. I am learning about P.T.S.D....and understand that it keeps you "stuck"...but if you know you are suffering from it...do what it takes to help you work through it....don't stay stuck in it...and make it the only thing you talk about... Malignant Narcs don't grow...they are cases of arrested development....they are mentally ill.... We are strong...that is why they picked US in the first place... We should be here to help each other grow past the pain and injustice that we have endured by loving a person who we now realize is toxic to us.... I hope that is the direction this forum goes in.... Yes....With firmness and truth... But also with compassion and caring to go along with it.... Sending good energy to all who need it!!.... And if you need a slap....*Smack*..
Jun 17 - 12PM (Reply to #47)
Lisa E. Scott
Lisa E. Scott's picture

Taken

We should be here to help each other grow past the pain and injustice that we have endured by loving a person who we now realize is toxic to us.... I hope that is the direction this forum goes in.... Yes....With firmness and truth... But also with compassion and caring to go along with it.... YES!!!! This is the direction the forum is headed. MOST DEFINITELY!!!!
Jun 16 - 12PM
destiny (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

WOW, I am almost speachless-

WOW, I am almost speachless- I havent visited this site in a month or two- but was coming back here last nite to post how well I have been doing and then I saw all these posts about Barbara being gone. Lisa- if you do take this site down is there anyway we can get in touch with other members who have been so supportive of us? “It's not hard to find the truth. What is hard is not to run away from it once you have found it.”
Jun 16 - 1PM (Reply to #45)
Lisa E. Scott
Lisa E. Scott's picture

Destiny

Welcome back! Sorry I am creating all the drama. We're hoping it's over now and I have no plans to take the site down at this time. Thanks for being here.
Jun 15 - 6PM
Jessika (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Awesome

we're on the same page. (staying strong)
Jun 15 - 6PM
Susan32
Susan32's picture

Thanks for this forum

This forum has been a REAL help. You've done a wonderful job, and you're a real help to those of us who have suffered from Narcs/Psychs. I'm grateful to you for everything you've brought here.
Jun 15 - 6PM
Jessika (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Actually you raise a valid point Jaded

I completely overlooked that but -One who provides assistance to others need to have it together pretty well and not have employment and relationship struggles. Also not become easily agitated ... as the responses below were merely about missing Barbara. I think it's ok to miss someone and to acknowledge the change in the board, right? Instead I have to say Lisa that I felt your reply was a bit agitated... it felt a like a child telling another that they can't play with their toy anymore (the board) and if they say certain things 'I'll take my toy away!' We weren't being disrespectful to you, Lisa... simply acknowledging we miss Barbara and felt a different vibe. It's what people who grew close to each other do. Many of us have been together for months ... we miss and appreciated what she offered... that's all. I found it respectful and genuine. Hope that doesn't make you angry... again.
Jun 15 - 6PM (Reply to #38)
Steph
Steph's picture

Jessika and Jaded

Barbara doesn't work d/t her illnesses either, does she? She also has made a point of saying she has financial struggles. I've read replys from Barbara as well where it was obvious she was agitated by people and she too, has told us about getting sick and being triggered by stuff that has gone on here. She was called an abuser awhile back and defended herself too, like Lisa. Are you saying then that she shouldn't have been on here offering support and encouragement.
Jun 15 - 6PM (Reply to #41)
Jaded
Jaded's picture

Stayingstrong...

Who Lisa or Barbara? I didn't understand your question. But I think it would be great if they were both on here. Just seemed from Lisa's note that she is really struggling. Like said she is thinking of shutting whole thing down for feeling badly and is at the end of her rope.I jsut feel bad for her.She seems nice. I have no idea about barbra's sicknesses just I never got feelign she was so upset and overwhelmed. But I have only been here a little time.
Jun 15 - 6PM (Reply to #39)
Jessika (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

No StayingStrong

I'm referring SR 'coaching' --- discussing helping one of the most at risk groups (i.e. suicide) --- however quite frequently referring to not having things together in her own life. I see Barbara and Lisa quite differently.... unless Lisa was holding back... but based on her responses Barbara has far greater knowledge of the subject. I'm not going to get into a mine is bigger than yours with you --- my opinion is what is it... you don't have to agree.
Jun 15 - 6PM (Reply to #40)
Steph
Steph's picture

and i was just stating my

and i was just stating my opinion as well. i have no problem agreeing to disagree:)
Jun 15 - 5PM
Klarity Belle
Klarity Belle's picture

Responsible for ME!

The path of recovery is tough sometimes - I feel the lessons being learned here on this board are important ones. Ultimately, we are each responsible for ourselves - it is necessary at times to realise that. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ "The deeper that sadness carves into your being, the more joy you can contain." ~ Kahlil Gibran "That which we do not confront in ourselves we meet as fate" ~ Carl Jung http://www.storyofmylife.com/KLARITY4

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"The deeper that sadness carves into your being, the more joy you can contain." ~ Kahlil Gibran

"That which we do not confront in ourselves we meet as fate" ~ Carl Jung

http://www.storyofmylife.com/KLARITY4

Jun 15 - 5PM (Reply to #14)
Lisa E. Scott
Lisa E. Scott's picture

Status of messageboard

If you miss Barbara, feel free to reach out to her. I banned her. I don't know what to tell you. I work full-time. Writing a book has brought me no additional income. In fact, I am in more debt now because of this cause than I was before I embarked on it all. When I was going through my divorce seven years ago, there was NOTHING like this available. Had there been, it would have been a Godsend. To be able to talk to others who could relate to what I was going through would have been so healing. Instead, I read everything I could get my hands on and talked to family and friends who didn't get it, but tried to listen. I'm sorry you miss Barbara, but she had to go. She offers services so feel free to contact her if you like her style and approach and I'm sure she would be happy to provide support. I'm doing everything I can to keep my head above water and make ends meet without taking this board down. Quite frankly, I'm beginning to think I may not keep it up any longer. The last couple weeks have caused me a lot of pain and sleepless nights. My family is begging me to give this up. If people would prefer that I take down the board, I will. I can't keep putting myself out there only to be criticized and put down. I just worked a full day and now I am going to a business dinner. I am sorry I cannot be on the board all day telling you not to respond to him and posting articles that you find helpful. If someone would like to volunteer to be a moderator, let me know and we can talk. I was hoping we could support each other, but it seems that's not the case. I'll check back in after my work dinner to see what the group prefers, but I'm at the end of my rope here.
Jun 16 - 5AM (Reply to #36)
Qing Yuan
Qing Yuan's picture

Oh is tragic..

For goodness sakes all of you. Lisa is trying to helo people and all she is getting abuse and worry for her troubles.. this is after a chat room.. Many chat rooms can be dangerous and difficuilt. That is the nature of the net for this kind of stuff. admitadaly many here are in danger of being found by ex's and being victimised some more by others (possibly even from other victims with skewed ideas).... But moderation cant police that very effictivly... And I agree we might indeed need a moderator but we ceratinly need this site with or without... WE are all going to loose it very soon if we dont stop this nonsesne and get over this rubbish and get on with sharing personal stuff with the confidencce that we are safe to do so.. We are all going to remind each other that we need to stay NC to survive but if we don't get a grip soon, we are NOT going to be here at all to do that. B has left becasue she felt unwell and needed to heal, lets allow her to do that. Lisa is having sleepless nights over this stuff. DO you think she will keep this site running if it is makign her ill. Please pelase can we stop arguing and losing the plot. If you need therapy, theh see a trained therpaist.. If you need counsellign or coaching then find one.. this site is not those things.. Sad but true.. We share one element ech one of us in comon... that brings us close. We are all victims of NARC-ism and that it has brought us here.. Lets be beter than the NARCS and 'be together...' STAY NO CONTACT GET HELP BE STRONG AS WE CAN... DAY to DAY.. and be open to LISTENING AND SHARING without bias or hurtful oppinion.. THE SITE will in many ways moderate itself if we stear clear of those who cant be nice... Lisa said that during her divorce she would have cried out for a site like this. And yet she did it alone and brought this for us, other woman in the same sitautions.. SO lets stop this rubbish and get on with mediating our own diplomacy and dignity, to be friendly, polite and supportive to our peers.. And if you need someone to remind you to go NC becasue you cant do it without this site, then I guess even B couldnt do that. Only YOU... ultimatly can do that... You can get support and you can get reminded by others, (perhaps not so vemhemantly perhaps!!!)BUT ultimatly if you choose to break NC, noone has the power to stop you do that or tos stop what will happen to you.. IF you do contact your NARC, then I pray first, that you survive it, and that it teaches you why you went NC in the first place.. Do NOT RE-live the past. MOVE ON.. GET OUT.. And FORGIVE YOURSELF for all that you think you need to.. WE all need to do that.. V
Jun 15 - 8PM (Reply to #32)
smileyfacepr
smileyfacepr's picture

Lisa

This is ur board and things r to be done how u see fit, we can be here for eachother when we need someone to talk to..we do not need babysitters. I believe most of us r smart enough and have been thru enough of this crap w/narcs to help eachother out! We r losing sight what this site is about w/all this talk about barbara leaving! We r here to support eachother with the difficult feelings that come up for us each and everyday from the damage the narcs did to us and that yes we allowed..we too must take responsibility for some of it!!! So y not stop talking about whos on and whos off and respond to eachother in our times of need and post our own feelings when we r either feeling down or inspired! Lisa is not resonsible for us, she has kindly and simply given us a place to meet eachother and be able to talk, understand and support eachother!If anyone is feeling seriously suicidal, pls call a hotline, admit urself into a hospital this site is not a cure for depression, it is a place for us to vent w/people who understand!! Pls be more understanding of Lisa, I feel she is doing the very best she can while she pays for us to meet up here! Love and peace to all...lets b kind to eachother!!

smileyfacepr

Jun 15 - 8PM (Reply to #33)
Lisa E. Scott
Lisa E. Scott's picture

Thank you

Betteroff, Smileyface, Susan32, Staying Strong, Monica, Hitandrun and countless others, I thank you for supporting me. You have no idea how much it means to me. However, I am not looking for any more supportive comments from members because I do not want this to seem like a support board for me, as some have implied. I don't want anyone to think I'm looking for sympathy here. I just want the drama to end. To all of you here who want to move on, please be patient. This drama will end soon so we can get back to work. I can assure you that this board will remain a safe place to be heard and understood. If I need to ban members for causing drama, I will.
Jun 15 - 9PM (Reply to #34)
Lisa E. Scott
Lisa E. Scott's picture

Correction

In my previous post I told Jessika she had a lot of nerve to stir up drama today, but I meant to say that to Gullablegull who is the one who started the whole thread titled "Guess I Don't Agree." Sorry, Jessika. My mistake. I'm going to edit my post now to correct it.
Jun 15 - 9PM (Reply to #35)
Jessika (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

LOL

I'm getting outta here tonight (((((scream)))) rotfl!!!! xoxox Jessika
Jun 15 - 6PM (Reply to #19)
Juicy Fruit
Juicy Fruit's picture

maybe

you can hire NarcNarc to run it, since she's unemployed and you rubbed her face in it. That would be a nice thing to do. Hire her. Don't you think?
Jun 15 - 6PM (Reply to #20)
Steph
Steph's picture

Rub her face in it? She

Rub her face in it? She simply said if she put as much energy into finding a job and helping herself as she did into bashing Lisa, then maybe she'd get somewhere. I happen to agree with that. I feel bad of course for narcnarc's situation....but I have read her blog and it is filled with nothing but anger towards almosy every person she deals with. this is NOT the first site she has been banned from.
Jun 15 - 8PM (Reply to #30)
Lisa E. Scott
Lisa E. Scott's picture

Really?

Barbara never got agitated? Barbara never banned anyone for disagreeing with her? I'm not sure what board you have been on, but that has not been my experience. I am defending myself. When you choose to accuse me of trying to profit from this, I have a right to tell you about my financial situation. Yes, I am sicker than a dog right now, but I stood in the rain for two days enduring dirty looks from men at the book fair. I have gotten letters from men in jail threatening me for trying to educate women about narcissists. Does anyone else have their name all over this, the way I do? Anyone? I asked Barbara over a year ago if I could put her picture on this website since she was the full-time moderator and she could not because she needs to protect her identity and her children. I am trying to give a VOICE to this cause. Instead, I have been accused of only being interested in becoming famous. WTF? I have lost two jobs and been denied a job offer at the last minute because of the work I do here. I will ABSOLUTLEY defend myself if you choose to say defamatory things about me. I could ban you from the board if you would prefer? Is that what you would like? I have said this was Barbara's approach but honestly it's just a hunch, I have no proof of her ever doing so. As Monica said, you do not have to stay on this site. No one is asking you to stay. If you don't like how things are going, you can leave. Juicy Fruit - your comment about Narcnarc was asinine and juvenile. As Staying Strong pointed out, I simply said if she put as much energy into something productive rather than smearing me, she might pull herself out of the rut she is in. I've received countless e-mails from members who have told me they are glad the board is moving in a more positive direction. They explained they were afraid to post in the past out of fear of being scolded by Barbara for saying something she didn't agree with or asking a question she thought she already answered. Gullablegull - you have a lot of nerve stirring up drama again today. You need to find something more productive to do with your time. Those of you who want to wallow in your misery can find another forum. This board does not need the negative energy you bring to our site. The people who remain on this board are the people who are interested in moving on and taking back control of their life. As I have said from day one, I am not interested in playing the victim or dealing with people who have serious PTSD. If you are, join another forum. This is not the place for you. This is my forum and I will run it my way. I will remember what my friend Broken23 posted in a response to Vix yesterday that really helped me keep going. It's a poem written on the wall of Mother Teresa's home for children in Calcutta: People are often unreasonable, irrational, and self-centered. Forgive them anyway. If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives. Be kind anyway. If you are successful, you will win some unfaithful friends and some genuine enemies. Succeed anyway. If you are honest and sincere people may deceive you. Be honest and sincere anyway. What you spend years creating, others could destroy overnight. Create anyway. If you find serenity and happiness, some may be jealous. Be happy anyway. The good you do today, will often be forgotten. Do good anyway. Give the best you have, and it will never be enough. Give your best anyway. In the final analysis, it is between you and God. It was never between you and them anyway.
Jun 15 - 8PM (Reply to #31)
smileyfacepr
smileyfacepr's picture

Lisa

Well said, I too am listening to that poem, do not let the negative people here get to u..u continue and move on w/us that do believe u r doing a service for us that no one else will...do not let the demons win and knock u down..we have had enough of that bullshit already!! feel better hugs to u

smileyfacepr

Jun 15 - 6PM (Reply to #21)
Juicy Fruit
Juicy Fruit's picture

I thought

this was a support group for everyone here! Not a support group for Lisa. But looks like that's what it's turned into.
Jun 15 - 8PM (Reply to #29)
better off
better off's picture

You've been a member for

You've been a member for five days and presume to lecture about how they handle things here? If you are against the board or the owner, you don't have to be on this board. I guess I don't understand this mentality. I have been a member of boards I felt uncomfortable with, so I left them. No one can please everyone. Some members didn't like the way the board was BEFORE this and were upset about some being banned. The board went on. Now, obviously, different members don't like the way the board is NOW. Either way, it's a free country and the internet is a big place.
Jun 15 - 7PM (Reply to #23)
Monica
Monica's picture

Respect should always given to the owner of the house

Lisa built and owns this house. She pays the bills for this house. We are guests that she graciously invited into her house and she deserves to be respected. And supported. We don't have to stay if we don't wish to. The door is always unlocked for any of us to open it and leave at any time. You wrote that you thought this site looks like it has turned into a support group for Lisa. I actually see it more as a support group for Barbara and how she moderated the forum. It is sad that Barbara chose to leave, she had so much to offer from years of experience. But it was her choice to leave and this remains Lisa's house. Please let us all respect that and respect her.
Jun 15 - 7PM (Reply to #24)
Juicy Fruit
Juicy Fruit's picture

Respect

I don't think it respectful for you to be telling me what I mean by what I say. And I don't see anything unrespectful about having a difference of opinion. This is like living with my Narc. I can't say what I think. I respect my mama. And I really do live in her house. But I sure don't always agree with her.
Jun 15 - 8PM (Reply to #25)
Monica
Monica's picture

What did you mean when you posted this?

"Maybe...you can hire NarcNarc to run it, since she's unemployed and you rubbed her face in it. That would be a nice thing to do. Hire her. Don't you think?" Were you being sarcastic, accusing Lisa of rubbing narcnarc's face in the fact that she is unemployed and suggesting she hire NarcNarc? Or were you seriously suggesting that Lisa hire NarcNarc as the moderator, believing there was a good possibility that Lisa would, in fact, consider that?
Jun 15 - 8PM (Reply to #26)
Juicy Fruit
Juicy Fruit's picture

What do you mean?

I don't understand what you mean. I have read lots of posts on here about people who liked that NarcNarc person. I said that I am also unemployed. And that it's not my fault. And that I don't think it's funny to make fun of people who are out of work even it is Lisa doing it. Just becuase you don't like somebody it don't mean other people do not like them. Does it? Do you speak for eveyrone here? How long you been here? I didn't know that mattered. That you can't speak what you think unless you've been here long enough.
Jun 15 - 8PM (Reply to #28)
better off
better off's picture

I'm saying there is a lot of

I'm saying there is a lot of history here that is being ignored. I've been here since close to the beginning of the board, and I have had a lot of experience with both Lisa and Barbara. I'm saying that you entered into the middle of this mess less than a week ago and seem to have very strong opinions about people you don't even know. Emotions are swaying a lot of people right now. However, I also know you are coming out of a horrible N relationship and so are likely to be very reactive as you are showing in your posts. I understand that, and you are probably tired of feeling like you can't say what you want. OTOH, I think Monica was correct in assuming you were being sarcastic earlier, and then you acted as if you weren't. If you want to have your opinions, have them, but don't deny what you're saying in the next post. I have no desire to keep arguing about it.
Jun 15 - 8PM (Reply to #27)
Monica
Monica's picture

I must have missed where Lisa..

...made fun of people who are out of work. Do you have the link to that discussion that I could refer to? I have been here 41 weeks 4 days. I mostly just come to read and educate myself and haven't posted a lot but I do come to read 2-3 times a day, for support and information. I speak only for myself and not for everyone - or anyone else - here. And I don't believe that how long you have been here should have any effect on posting a respectful comment or sharing your own N/P experiences.