It's been one year 4 days
It's been one year 4 days
since he D&D.
Am I healed? NOOOOOO
But I am no longer in excruciating emotional pain. I am not the woman I was before. In some ways I am better, however mostly just a shell of my former self.
Everything overwhelms me. I cry easily.... even cried today. BC I work in the mental health field I am triggered by my patient's weekly. I do evaluations of patient's who may/may not have brain damage. Unfortunately there's a population of them that are not truthful and their deception and often rudeness and narcissistic behavior is so triggering for me. It happended again today. I came home ... jumped in bed and cried.
This is not normal.
I thought at one year out I would be back to my happy go lucky self, dating... seeing all the beauty in life again. But no.
I recently started a benzo ---- definitely didn't want to take a med... but my nervous system is always on overdrive so I want to give it a break. Unfortunately the med makes me so sleepy. I am trying to play around with the dose so that I can be calm, however awake.
IDK if there are others out there like me who's a year or more out. Am I the only one still feeling like this. I'm not in pain... I'm just a mixture of apathy or extreme anxiety. Those seem to be my primary emotional states.
Could he have damaged me that badly?
I worked very hard (and long) for my degree and have been in the field for a while (about 10 yrs)..... however I am beginning to wonder if my job makes it such that I can't live the gentle life. Seeing narcs, antisocials, histrionics, and borderlines on a weekly basis (about 2/ week) is SO triggering for me...words just cannot explain it. Even though technically I am in the power position as 'doctor' -- they tend to test my boundaries and are either extremely superficially nice trying to manipulate me OR rude/ disrespectful and I have to become very stern and lay out my boundaries explicitly. That's tough when being a hard ass and confrontational is not part of your natural character.
I feel stuck again. In many ways I love my job........ however I am wondering if my job is what is currently tearing me apart exposing me to these extreme pathologicals weekly. (By the way the cognitive evaluations require that I spend 4 hour time spans with each patient individually one on one the whole time.... so, it's not like a 20 minute visit and they're gone). By the end of the day (like today) I feel exhausted, triggered, anxious and for some reason tearful.
Help.......... please please tell me that this gets better.
:o(
Hi Jessika, Are you an
Thank you
Jessika
Thank you so much for the
healingnow
Yeah
Jessika
Jessica, is it possible for
Better Off
Better Off
Good questions Better Off
Hi Jessika, "I know it may
OMG! I just read your empath
LOL
;)
Narcs find empaths creepy
maybe that's YOUR experience but it's not everyone's!
what do they gain long term?
Aceonelady
aceonelady
Definitely not mine! I am
neveragain5
Red flags for a Narc...
Susan32
Eerie similarities
I can see red flags right
Need clarification
Just know that they
First of all, I am not
The other red flags
And THIS is a trap you