PTSD: The Aftermath of the Narcissist

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Aug 27 - 9PM (Reply to #14)
cynthia (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

good reading

i read some of the literature you gave me, it makes sense as you tell me over and over predators hunt the wounded, and i WAS wounded deeply before he came into my life he saw it all over me/ My greatest challenge I think is not so much recovering from my psychos wounds as it is other wounds over the past 20 some years on top of that. I can heal from this man who did this to me, this man was a very very bad man and I clearly see him as I should see him as someone highly disturbed, but I must heal my other wounds so predators and abusers are not attracted to me and dont see it written all over me I was simply hurting as the article said, I did no wrong
Aug 26 - 7PM (Reply to #13)
cynthia (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

That is no line or act

You are intimate and obvious and delicious and satisfying and intoxicating and sobering You are passionate and steady and amazing and gentle and invigorating and oh so very quiet . . . I am out of words for now words describe . . . and limit words contain – restrict – define and explain Let me be out of words for now Let me stay here in this silent love . . . Resting in the glaring mystery of you Hushed in the majestic awe of you . . .
Aug 26 - 7PM (Reply to #8)
neveragain
neveragain's picture

Good Article

Thanks for that article Barbara and with it, the links to more. Unfortunately, my pedophile father is a Christian. Growing up, I was forced to go to church and all my friends thought that my father was a pastor. Whenever I did something "wrong", he would lecture me literally for hours and read to me from the Bible. At night, it was a different story............... I can't tell you with words how devastating that was. I am now living the legacy of being the target of Narcissists and Psychopaths. I will be alone for a long time. Sometimes (like today)I feel very lonely and sad. I guess that's the life God thought would be the best for me. I must be part of one of his experiments.....like the ones where they shocked the dogs. I've done some research on self-esteem. Seems to me that it's not something you find, you're supposed to "build" it. Okay, I'm doing all the recommended things to "build" it but I'm not succeeding. What do you do to build your self esteem? neveragain
Aug 26 - 7PM (Reply to #9)
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

neveragain

therapy journaling you should like this site: http://www.christiansurvivors.com/us.html survivors of abusive parents are usually magnets for Ns & Ps (I know I am) ~~~~~~~~~~~~ CLICK HERE: Articles & information for Victims - Updated Daily "As soon as you feel that crazy sense of walking on eggshells, fending off N-rage, stop. Walk away." - Dr. M. Beck
Aug 26 - 8PM (Reply to #10)
cynthia (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Faith

sometimes i JOURNAL on this site, write down my thoughts. I have lost my faith, not because I feel God left me but because I left him and now that my life is troubled I turn to him? That doesnt seem right, I know God would want me to help myself and maybe then he will guide me the rest of the way. I think back to a time this was when I realized the psycho played me and I was crying so hard I couldnt even see the road, screaming in the car and screaming for God to help me I didnt know who else to turn to, I HAD NOBODY TO TURN TO but myself and God I prayed for him to take me in his arms and heal me - maybe he did just that by showing me the truth I dont know.
Aug 26 - 10PM (Reply to #11)
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

cynthia

God sometimes shows us the truth and we don't want to see it. Not something to blame God about. check out that site! ~~~~~~~~~~~~ CLICK HERE: Articles & information for Victims - Updated Daily "As soon as you feel that crazy sense of walking on eggshells, fending off N-rage, stop. Walk away." - Dr. M. Beck
Aug 26 - 11PM (Reply to #12)
cynthia (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

thank you

thank you for listing the abuse hotline numbers I wrote down the domestic abuse national hotline number. I havent really said much about my awful marriage I have also been dealing with plus trying to heal from the bad man. I am in a awful abusive marriage, (real good for my PTSD huh?) I am now on unemployment and I think this would be a good time to sell our house pay off the debts and go our separate ways, he refuses marriage counseling, blames me for everything, name calling, horrible horrible things he says, which are not true, i had to leave the house a few days ago he wont allow me to even defend myself, tells me to shut the f--k up, or get away from me, my daughter told me she thinks her dad is nuts he does the same thing to her, all of her friends are losers, my friends are losers, you will like this one and it should pretty much sum it up for ya, I am a loser because now on top of the fact he doesnt get f--ked, I also lost my job so I am pretty much useless. Oh and my friend is a loser too because she doesnt work. I wont even justify or go into the cruel things he says, so I just got up and walked out of the house and told him I am not listening to this, if you cant speak to me like an adult I am leaving. The next day my husband wonders why I am ignoring him, after what he said to me you have got to be kidding, I cant be intimate with someone that abuses me, I look at him with disgust, he makes me sick to look at, so I told him you are right I am just no good and all the things you said were true so I will leave and then you will be happier. He stood there in shock and went to bed, he must have got out of bed three or four times to try and talk to me. I finally had enough confidence and self esteem in my life to confront this vile, foul mouthed abuser told him I dont want to be with you anymore, and I watched him squirm and get nervous and pace. I knew none of what he said was true about me, he uses abuse to control me and has all our married life so I put him to the test and the bully backed down, I am on to him. I dont want to be married anymore I just want to move on with my life away from these abuser types, I dont even want to save my marriage, I know I will be more at peace without him, I would rather live under a bridge than to live with someone who is controlling and abusive. Did the N destroy my marriage? No, my marriage was over long time ago I stayed in a rotten marriage for the wrong reasons and I learned that the hard way, now I believe I have the strength to follow the course that is right for me. The narcs are just great arent they? They love the weak, broken, lonely, and abused, so they can give em a little more in the end. You know what happens pretty soon all that abuse turns into strength, we emerge into something the abusers no longer want, we become strong and we fight back to survive we stand up for ourselves thru no contact or we leave, I am leaving two abusers