Do they CHOOSE to be mean?

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#1 Sep 3 - 12AM
Alissa
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Do they CHOOSE to be mean?

hi all,
This is something I've been thinking about, and here's a warning in advance: it might be a very weird train of thought ok...

OK, so NPD is a disorder right? Does that mean it's an illness? Can you help it when you're ill?

Can the N help it that he is 'ill' or does he CHOOSE to be mean? Does he CHOOSE to give you the silent treatment? Or is it something he can't help because he is 'sick in the head'?

I hope it's not 'he can't help it' because it makes me feel sorry for him you know? I don't want to feel sorry for him for being mean to me!!!

For example, someone who is paralyzed and sits in a wheelchair (it's just an example, I'm not comparing someone who can't walk to N's , ok!!) ... it's an illness, he can't help it that he can't walk.

When someone is ill, you feel sad for that person right? And you want to help him?

But N's cannot be helped, they will always be who they are, but doesn't it take ALL ACCOUNTABILITY away from them when they have an 'illness'?

Can a narcissist say (I know they will never say this out loud , but again, it's just an example):
* "I am mean to you, but hey, I can't help it, I have a disorder"
* "I give you Silent treatment, but I can't help it! It's not my fault that I have a disorder."

Thing is, I don't WANT to feel sorry for N!!!!!! If I start feeling sorry for him, I start thinking of all kinds excuses for his behavior. (like: "oh he gave me Silent Treatment, but he can't help it, the POOR guy, he is so ill in the head...") Ugh. It drives me nuts.

I know they can't be helped, but aren't they at least CHOOSING their mean behavior just a bit?????

xx
Alissa

Sep 5 - 6PM
brokenacc
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wow lovely

Sep 5 - 10PM (Reply to #70)
Lovely1
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Brokenacc, chilling

Sep 6 - 3PM (Reply to #71)
brokenacc
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tell

Sep 5 - 10AM
brinamarie
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This post reminded me of some

Sep 5 - 9AM
Done sourcing
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Lets say the illness makes

Sep 5 - 10AM (Reply to #67)
Alissa
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Done Sourcing

Sep 5 - 8AM
Goldie
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Masquerade

Sep 5 - 9AM (Reply to #61)
Ruby
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Yes

Sep 5 - 9AM (Reply to #62)
Goldie
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No actually not even close

Sep 5 - 11AM (Reply to #65)
Ruby
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Goldie

Sep 5 - 10AM (Reply to #64)
Winter
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Hi Goldie

Sep 5 - 10AM (Reply to #63)
Alissa
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Hi Goldie, I don't see the

Sep 5 - 8AM
Ruby
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Yes and no

Sep 5 - 8AM (Reply to #57)
spinning
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Just to be clear...

spinning

Sep 5 - 7PM (Reply to #59)
kollontai77
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correction

Sep 5 - 9AM (Reply to #58)
Ruby
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Mental illness

Sep 5 - 7AM
HiTea
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Narcissits do chose to be hurtful

Sep 4 - 8AM
Deidre99
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I love how goldie put all

Sep 5 - 11AM (Reply to #54)
Scarlett
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Great post!

Sep 5 - 3AM (Reply to #52)
owenjohnston
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ive often wondered how my ex

Sep 5 - 4AM (Reply to #53)
Deidre99
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never say never owen...and

Sep 4 - 8AM (Reply to #49)
Alissa
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"Nothing wrong with feeling

Sep 4 - 10AM (Reply to #50)
Deidre99
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lol...yes, we hear you! the

Sep 4 - 8PM (Reply to #51)
Alissa
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((( Deirdre ))) Thank you!!!

Sep 4 - 5AM
midwestdiva
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does it matter...

Sep 4 - 3AM
Goldie
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You can feel sorry for whoever you want to feel sorry for

Sep 5 - 4AM (Reply to #46)
GracefullyFree
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Goldie! (And 3 more C's)

Sep 5 - 3AM (Reply to #45)
owenjohnston
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Goldie, I love you :)

Sep 4 - 7AM (Reply to #40)
Alissa
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hi Goldie

Sep 4 - 8AM (Reply to #41)
Sickofhim
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I think.....