Married men who cheat, rarely leave their wives

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#1 April 2, 2012 - 9:12am
Deidre99's picture

Married men who cheat, rarely leave their wives

I was reading something on narcissism last night, and a link was within the site, leading to a message board. It was a message board for mainly women/wives who have been cheated on, and also on the site, were the 'mistresses' of married men, and their stories. It was nothing short of sad and fascinating.

What was fascinating, is that the stats are overwhelmingly high that married MEN typically don't leave their wives for the OW. The reasons can range from money, to the just fearful to leave. But, the OW on these sites were there to say that was true. They waited and waited...stayed in the shadows of this man's main life, only to be dumped...and the guy goes back to his wife/kids, etc. This isn't to say there aren't marriages that just aren't working, and men left. But, TYPICALLY...the law of large numbers states that men don't up and leave their wives for the other women. UNLESS the wife finds out and wants him to leave.

What was even more interesting, was the stories the wives were telling, as to when they found out about the affair(s)...and confronted their husbands...the husbands totally threw the OW under the bus. Saying...''she's a whore.'' or ''she is crazy, I'm not into her, she keeps coming onto me.'' or ''it was, and that's it. I don't love her.''

On and on the tales went. It was very sad. I thought of some on here who have been with married men. And I can't help but think what does he tell the wife about you. And what did he tell you, about his wife. He is throwing the OW under the bus to the wife it seems, and throwing the wife under the bus, to the OW.

The OW on the site were saying that the guys they were with, were saying how crazy their wives were, how they never had sex, how their wives weren't into staying fit...and on and on the lies went. I wish I could find the link again, I'll have to look...because one wife who is now going through a divorce after catching her husband in three affairs...HAPPENING AT THE SAME TIME...HOLY COW...said that she knew she wasn't perfect, but this isn't how you handle it. You either work on your marriage, or leave the person, she said. Cheating just removes any potential for working on it, from that point on, she said.

Her ex husband sounded like a colossal narcissist. She sounded in good spirits, however.

At the end of the day, everyone. If you encounter a married man/woman, run the other direction if they are coming onto you. For it will always end badly. VERY FEW result in the guy/woman leaving their marriage for you. And there's an old saying, 'you date a cheater, you marry a cheater.'

I know of very very very few marriages in my own social circle, that came out of affairs, and are still going strong. I can't help but wonder though if people that enter into such unions from an affair, forever not trust the person he/she married, because...well, he/she met from having an affair.

It was very eye opening. It made me want to share this, because some here were the OW, and are reeling from being dumped by the married guy. Know this. Whatever he is telling his wife, most likely, is not making you look good. He told you he loved you...but in reality, he just wanted to escape the responsibility and stress of his everyday life. And he's telling his wife that most likely, you were the seducer, and he was hooooo...or some variation.

So, if you can't believe why he would go back to his wife, looks like the stats show... that is the norm.

Anyways. Just thought I'd share this.

*disclaimer...I know some here have had affairs, and this isn't about your situation. Sometimes, we do things in life because we got caught up in the moment. This isn't to judge that. I posted this more to show that married men don't leave their wives, and if you are dating a married guy in hopes he does...he most likely won't. And he most likely is just using you. :(

December 19, 2017 - 12:21am
Bridget223's picture

If you need help search for him in the internet

August 27, 2012 - 3:45pm
neverlookback's picture

I heard something long ago

August 27, 2012 - 12:32pm
brinamarie's picture

As Hunter says, we are ALL

August 27, 2012 - 9:44am
laxl's picture

So true!

August 27, 2012 - 10:18am (Reply to #37)
Deidre99's picture

hi lax...thanks for sharing

August 27, 2012 - 9:01am
IncognitoBurrito's picture


August 27, 2012 - 9:05am (Reply to #34)
Used's picture


August 27, 2012 - 9:26am (Reply to #35)
IncognitoBurrito's picture


April 17, 2012 - 10:22am
Portia's picture

Married - But Lonely?

April 3, 2012 - 10:29pm
janemarie's picture

They are everywhere!!!!!!

April 4, 2012 - 3:29am (Reply to #30)
dudette's picture

My husband's friends

April 4, 2012 - 8:38am (Reply to #31)
Deidre99's picture

I honestly think for some of

April 3, 2012 - 1:31pm
Deidre99's picture

I know bgirl. The whole thing

April 3, 2012 - 12:26pm
no more an echo
no more an echo's picture

so...who's really the LOSER here?

April 3, 2012 - 1:26pm (Reply to #27)
Deidre99's picture

i honestly don't think

April 3, 2012 - 7:41am
bgirl's picture

Caught up in the moment:

April 2, 2012 - 11:44pm
alicepaul's picture

Very eye-opening.

April 2, 2012 - 7:23pm
Ladydb123's picture

So very true

April 2, 2012 - 1:51pm
newlifeway's picture

Well, mine sure left me for the OW

April 3, 2012 - 4:42pm (Reply to #22)
WellRed's picture

It will not pay off for her.

April 2, 2012 - 11:35am
no more an echo
no more an echo's picture

could the flag be more RED?

April 3, 2012 - 1:27am (Reply to #13)
bgirl's picture

No more an echo....if things

August 27, 2012 - 7:27am (Reply to #20)
lost in the wil...
lost in the wilderness's picture

There are always shades of grey

April 3, 2012 - 2:23am (Reply to #19)
no more an echo
no more an echo's picture

not much is black & white...

April 3, 2012 - 2:01am (Reply to #14)
bgirl's picture

PS: and if it's considered

April 3, 2012 - 10:17am (Reply to #15)
Deidre99's picture

No one is questioning

April 3, 2012 - 12:35pm (Reply to #16)
bgirl's picture

I can look at the would

April 3, 2012 - 1:15pm (Reply to #17)
Deidre99's picture

that last sentence, i agree

April 3, 2012 - 1:21pm (Reply to #18)
bgirl's picture

XxxX They are a destructive

April 2, 2012 - 11:23am
Sparrow's picture

Some will leave when they

April 2, 2012 - 11:17am
sunrising's picture

I have read 87% of married

April 2, 2012 - 12:42pm (Reply to #9)
Deidre99's picture

Yes, the stat was very low,

April 2, 2012 - 1:18pm (Reply to #10)
sunrising's picture

I had a foot out the door and

April 2, 2012 - 11:09am
Layla's picture

I am a wife of a PD....

April 2, 2012 - 12:52pm (Reply to #6)
Deidre99's picture

That's a great way of putting

April 2, 2012 - 1:01pm (Reply to #7)
Layla's picture

Any woman who would say "no, that's his problem".......

April 2, 2012 - 10:01am
Kukla's picture


April 2, 2012 - 10:18am (Reply to #4)
Deidre99's picture

i will look for it later. it

April 2, 2012 - 9:58am
freaked's picture

yeah true :(((( i wish

April 2, 2012 - 10:18am (Reply to #2)
Deidre99's picture

what do you mean...stuck?