The issue of my being married

I think one reason I repeatedly took his shit and kept going back for more is the fact that I am married. That was always his default argument. "well you are married. It makes me mad at you.". With some time and distance, I am seeing how he would always use that when he felt out I control because I was unable to dispute that. I realize that regardless of my marital status, I did not deserve to be mistreated. He knew from the beginning I was married. It never stopped him from asking for blowjobs or sex. It never stopped him from telling me all of the sexual things he wanted to do to me. I see that Mr, Moral would pull that out of his backpocket at his convenience. He would call me a slut and a whore. Sometimes he said it because he thought it was a hot, sexual thing (not) and sometimes he said it when he would get mad at me. As ridiculous as this sounds, it would confuse me. He would frequently tell me to "get a new boyfriend who doesn't mind that you are married". I see now how utterly abusive this was. I see how manupulative and mean this all was. I am so happy to be done.