My own trust issues or is this guy not trustworthy?
My own trust issues or is this guy not trustworthy?
I have major trust issues surrounding dating men. Considering what we have all been through, I guess it's understandable.
I've been broken up with the ex for over a year, and NC for 11 months.
I'm healed from the actual experience, and feel pretty good, overall. It's the trusting others, that I struggle wtih. I have dated off and on since the breakup. Last year was way too soon for me, and I stopped seeing a really great guy, because I just didn't have it in me to give to him what he deserved.
But, I have been friends/hanging out with a guy off and on for a few months...but, I wouldn't label it 'dating' per se, but we go out to dinner and lunch here and there. Nothing physical. Kissing on occasion. It's more than a friendship, and he would like to take it to dating/exclusively.
My question is, there are, what I think are, red flags with him. He is close to the vest with sharing his life with me. I have known him for a while now, first as friends...it seems when we were friends, he shared a lot more. When we started taking things to a slightly different level, he started becoming closer to the vest. Strange?
He is a push/pull type it seems. For example, if he knows someone else is interested in me...he comes on strong. Is very emotional, attentive, and saying we 'belong together.' When he gets the sense that I'm growing closer to him, he tends to pull back.
Not saying he's narcissistic. Could be. There are other things I've noticed too. He isn't rude or mean spirited. Nothing like that. But, I've noticed his arguing 'style,' is somewhat like my ex. Doesn't apologize for hurting my feelings. Somehow twists it to be my fault we argued to begin with. You know what I mean? I never feel like we resolve anything because of this circular pattern.
I am always interested in his life, his career...and he doesn't ask me much. UNLESS...he senses someone is interested in me. Or if I say I'm going to dinner with a friend (he'll ask male/female, and I'll say male)...then, he suddenly pours on the charm, and interest. It seems fake to me, in a sense.
So last night, I said...it's time for us to just be friends. Nothing more. He got upset. Said he was sorry for hurting me. He said he cares for me a lot...etc. He asked me if I want to date other guys. I said, I don't know. He said...he will try harder.
This has been the pattern here for some time.
The positives: he's very charming, sexy, smart, witty, makes me laugh, compliments me a lot, etc...All of this, I don't believe is fake. These are just attractive qualities he possesses.
So...Cliff notes >> I see red flags, he then comes on strong. I come forward, he pulls back.
He will of course say that is not true. I have said this to him, and he thinks I have trust issues, and so he is blaming my own issues on me not wanting to get closer to him.
There is something about him, I can't put my finger on. Like I get the sense he is seeing other women, and won't say it. It wouldn't be that wrong of him, since we haven't said we are exclusive. But, if he wishes for me to not see other guys, then he should demonstrate his intentions by not seeing others. It's a sense I get. That there are others. He texts a lot in my presence, at times. That's just plain rude, in general. I hate mind games, and I told him so. He said he doesn't play games...the texts are work related he said. I don't believe him, to be honest. I don't know why. :( Is it me? Is it him? Should I join the convent? :=P
I'm not a jealous type...and will. not. start. now. Nope. If I even SENSE a guy wants to make me jealous, I am soooo outta there. I can't pinpoint it though. Ugh. :(
Ok. So my question for you all. How do you know when your own trust issues are causing you to pull away from someone? How can we know if we have our own personal trust issues with all people, or if the person we're seeing is truly not trustworthy?
Thanks for listening and any thoughts/advice u might have to share.
I am concerned for you
I am NC. I changed my number
Sometimes, it's just too simple
i agree. and i did. NC
Wow, this guy sounds like my
when you have to write stuff down to keep track - RED FLAG!
Ditto, abreva...
spinning
Warning! Achtung!
He's a covert narc from what
i agree.
thanks all, for your advice
desperate texts
Hmm, it seems you answered
Journey on...
thank you journey...your
That's right DD, when you
Journey on...
Run, run, run - run away -
Hi, just gotta say - yuk and
Journey on...
My new rule
Deidree, I think you answered
I received several texts
D
helldweller
D he doesn't seem right for
thank you miss harper! here's
I have a feeling we all will
I've read your replies
I spoke too soon. Checked my
D
This is very insightful,
deidre