I am sorry

I have totally messed up, and I am embarrassed. Everyone here has put so much time and effort into helping me and giving me advice. I trust everyone on here, but I guess it's myself I don't trust. I still feel like I did something wrong. Well, I did (in contacting him) but I mean something wrong in the relationship.

So he hoovered me with his post on Facebook. It worked. Not only did I look at his Facebook page, I emailed him. I then engaged in a 48 hour email discussion where he almost had me convinced to leave my husband. I mean I was going to do it. And he was telling me I had to do it NOW. I was still going to. He told me that he went back to church and was "back with God" and he could no longer be with a married woman. He said I was precariously close to losing him because he was reconciling with his wife. He also said he had tried dating (in the 18 days!) since we had broken up. He then went on to tell me how great we'd be together. On an on. When I said I'd do it, he acted like I hadn't said anything. He said he didn't want me. I was a weak person and he wanted someone who took action when action was needed. So he didn't want me any more. Then he blocked me.

I know- I did this to myself. I feel newly devastated today.