Sex with a Narc

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Feb 9 - 1PM
pamela1
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Ophelia - I imagine it might

Ophelia - I imagine it might be a reaction to their power over us..Who knows there is no rhyme or reason to the things they do. I will never fully understand what just happened in my life.... Between the laughing and the moodiness, and the sex and mind games..I feel like I survived the electric chair!
Feb 9 - 1PM (Reply to #19)
Ophelia
Ophelia's picture

electric chair

yep, or the insane asylum!
Feb 9 - 1PM
Ophelia
Ophelia's picture

Laughter

Is laughter at orgasm unusual, or something N's do? I remember mine did the very last time we made love in December, the night before D&D.
Feb 9 - 1PM
pamela1
pamela1's picture

My XN had some very strange

My XN had some very strange sexual desires and most times needed to take Viagra. In the beginning, he enjoyed having sex with me when I was asleep. I would wake up and it would be happening. He talked about drugging me although he never did. His desires would change constantly. One week it was high heels, next week it was short skirts. Some weeks he just wasn't interested in pleasing me at all. It was always about him and he was SO particular about how he could orgasm. I was exhausted most days from his bouts of sex 4 times a night. There was almost always 'mommy talk' requested and than mind games of control and sometimes after I would orgasm he would laugh saying it made him happy..I just thought it was all so odd......I'm 3 days with NC....Still suffering....Thanks for the posts...They help so much...
Feb 9 - 8PM (Reply to #16)
SundaySmile
SundaySmile's picture

Pamela - drugged concern too

I believe a "supplement" he gave me in my food caused me to have a highly off the chain scary manic reaction. FTR, I am not bipolar. This happened right after eating the food he made. The next day I felt horridly depressed and sick and weak as hell as though I had been drinking all night. I do not drink nor do drugs. But once upon a time I did get goofy drinking in college. So I recall the next day feeling yucky. In both our cases I wouldn't doubt it though proving it is something else. HUG
Feb 9 - 12PM
narcfreeinms
narcfreeinms's picture

So true...

They like to have sex when you're most vulnerable as well. The night I got home from the hospital after being treated for a huge blood clot in my jugular, my xnarc used his "I've missed you, I want you, Gotta have you", "I love you and so glad you're alive" smoke screen on me. Despite the fact that I was warned by doctors NOT to cough, strain, sneeze, fart, etc., etc., because it could cause the clot to cut loose and go straight to my lungs/heart, and the fact that I still felt so sick, it turned my narc on. What turned from a gentle hug and him telling me I was his life, turned the next minute into my jogging pants and panties being pulled down, me being spun around and bent over the bed, and my hair being tugged on while he showed me exactly how much he loved me and valued my life. I can't call it rape, because I allowed it and was too weak and tired to stand up for myself. I do know that I felt so degraded afterward. In my twisted frame of mind, I allowed myself to think, "He still finds me attractive despite that I'm so sick. I'm so grateful he accepts me as I am." You guys, sharing that intimate moment is very hard. Because usually I'm the strong one. I'm the one everyone goes to for support or advice. And that moment was one that I pushed way back to the memory file, so that I wouldn't realize how weak I was against the monster narc I was married to. A very close friend of mine knew about it the day after it happened. She tells me now, "I saw so many things that went on. But the day I got you to tell me about him doing that to you made me hate him to the point that I didn't know what to do. I couldn't stand to look at him or be around him. When he smiled or acted like his usual "Mr. Personality", I wanted to hurl. I cried for you so many times. You could have died, and he wouldn't have cared." What happens to us impacts those around us. To know that my friend felt so helpless and so scared for me, makes me feel like I put so much on her. How the clot didn't cut loose is a miracle, and I know there's a reason I'm still alive. There's a reason we're all here. Moving forward together. Thank you all for giving me strength to share one of my most difficult memories. It makes me cling to the freedom and joy I have now, and to all the possibilites that are to come. nfim
Feb 9 - 3PM (Reply to #12)
SundaySmile
SundaySmile's picture

O Em GEE

That SOB. narcfreeinms I am in shock at what he did to you. I wish I could hug you and tell you all men are not like that. The pain you must have gone through both emotionally and physically - I cannot fathom. I wish someone could have protected you then so you did not have to go through that. My heart goes out to you. Damn that asshole man. I have no words to express the sheer empathy I have for what you endured. Just know people would like to help you now. And kick his ass for doing that to you. My god. Unreal.
Feb 9 - 4PM (Reply to #13)
narcfreeinms
narcfreeinms's picture

GS...I feel your hug

GeorgiaSun, I feel your hug. When we actually confront those kinds of memories, it's somewhat overwhelming - even though it's in the past. Nobody likes admitting the times of weakness or moments of degradation. Thank you for reaching out.
Feb 9 - 8PM (Reply to #14)
SundaySmile
SundaySmile's picture

narcfreeinms - keep reaching in kind

narcfreeinms - It is amazing you are opening up to trust and let others know how you feel. I shut down. I was ashamed. Now I am pissed. I know how it feels to be used like a rag. You are a human being and a sister on this road to recovering at the hands of a merciless f_ - _ -. Your recount of this situation in particular took courage to share. I bow to your courage and wish I could have stopped him from doing this to you. Damn him. Hang in there and keep sharing. You are helping all of us by showing it is okay to talk without shame.
Feb 9 - 2PM (Reply to #10)
Run4it
Run4it's picture

narcfreeinms

I know it is hard to share about the things we did for these sickos. The thing is, sex was never emotional or loving with mine and now I know why. I even told him that he never seemed to be emotionally connected during sex and he seemed so puzzled by that. I bet he watched a video to learn the proper "emotions" for the next victim!! On a lighter note, he bit the crap out me one night and a few weeks later as he was parading by, I took the opportunity to repay him and bit the #$&@ out of his sorry ass. He was not happy and I guess I'm just lucky I didn't contract rabies....
Feb 9 - 4PM (Reply to #11)
narcfreeinms
narcfreeinms's picture

Run4it...

LOL...After biting him, I bet you wanted to lick a hippo's ass to get the bad taste out!! :)
Feb 9 - 1PM (Reply to #8)
Ophelia
Ophelia's picture

This just breaks my heart

narcfreeinms but I am glad you survived and that you are still with us, and, apparently, joyful. Thank you for sharing such a difficult account.
Feb 9 - 4PM (Reply to #9)
narcfreeinms
narcfreeinms's picture

Thank you, Ophelia

Thank you, Ophelia.
Feb 9 - 11AM
Ophelia
Ophelia's picture

More talk than action

Ours was an LDR and he used to talk about all the fun that we were going to have when we were together, and I so looked forward to it. The sex was nice, and Snowflake like you I found it positively electrifying possibly because of my own added layers of tension and possibly the subconscious sense that I was having great sex with someone I could lose, somehow I think in the darkest recesses of my mind I was aware of this possibility. I loved sex with him, but the timing was predictable, always in the evening just before bed, never spontaneous, usually in the dark, I got the feeling he felt he was doing me a favour (he knew it had been a long time since I had made love). He had some interesting moves which I will be sure to share with my next partner whenever that happens, and unfortunately sometimes I find myself thinking about them, it's hard to shake that memory. When that happens I'll try to replace his face with the face of some other man I find sexy. But that doesn't always work. Also, what I would have expected, and what didn't occur, was when we reunited after being apart, I expected that we would have spent hours in bed exploring each other's bodies and making love over and over again, eating takeout or feeding each other grapes LOL. That's always the way it's been with anybody I've been with, when we have the time, we spend the time to really become intimate. For him it was just like a session, probably what he gave all his one-night-stand or short-term deals. Ours was supposedly a deeper relationship so I was disappointed by his stinginess with our time in bed. So, it was good, but not exactly generous.
Feb 9 - 11AM
shock and awe.some (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Tickdick

You are too funny gf. I am having a visual similar to the cover of the book. I thought my XN was such a catch becasue he didn't want to get me into bed right away (like most of the idiots I dated b 4 him). I thought...He really respects me! Well..first time we did it was on a weekend trip in a hotel room. It took 4 months and now I know why. He was the flattest lover I have ever had. It was like doing it with a machine. There were times when it was ok but I never climaxed & i didn't fake it. I blamed myself that I couldn't relax. But I had not had that problem before. He would never make eye contact or talk...it was WEIRD! Here is a good one. He was walking dogs in the woods & they came home full of ticks. About a week later, i notice this thing next to his "thing". I say "what is that". Oh i don't know . it's been itchy for a week. I get closer & it's a tick! so my new name for my XN BF is........Tick Dick
Feb 9 - 11AM (Reply to #4)
narcfreeinms
narcfreeinms's picture

To Shock -LOL!! :)

Holy Crap! Now that was funny!
Feb 10 - 3AM (Reply to #5)
Snowflake
Snowflake's picture

Girls

I am so glad I started this thread..god I love you girls..reading those stories ..my belly hurts laughing. Thank you so much for sharing x
Feb 9 - 9AM
aquabella
aquabella's picture

I read somewhere that one of

I read somewhere that one of very few emotions that psychopaths actually feel is "glee" when they feel like they've gotten one over on someone...freakshow used to laugh uncontrollably right after he would orgasm...a little weird, but kind of funny at the time....creepy beyond measure now ((shudder)) xoxo Lynn
Feb 9 - 11AM (Reply to #2)
shock and awe.some (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

freakshow

That's a good one. Read my comment for another good one.