I'm with you bgirl....for some people using those terms perhaps brings comfort but for me, the OW was just as much of a "victim" of the EXNs behaviour as I was. She was with him before I came along and I still feel ashamed whem I think of all the lies he told me about her that I swallowed. As non-disordered women we are still capable of making mistakes and hurting others and I have certainly done both in my time. The difference is we have self awareness..
xxx
Exactly. My husband whom I am now separated from....(I could never have lied/used him when things went pear shaped for me so going back was NEVER an option right from the get go) even he has wanted to know as much as he can about what happened. He has told me that losing me to this disordered freak actually makes more sense than me leaving our relationship for a 'normal' guy. He knew I would never even look in another guy's direction. He was my second boyfriend in my life who I then married.
So for him too, he detests the 'you r nothin but a stupid slut' line. He rang M's wife and said to her that he was always aware of the situation, that he supports me and that if she ever wanted the truth she could contact us. She never has.
Instead we received threats.
So yes, I think the belittling of people by labeling them with derogatory intent is evoked by fear, denial, ignorance and anger.
Like the N we have a choice how to treat people and I never called him any names either, just called him on his behavior. He wanted me to go down to his level.....and I very nearly did......
Being in a very similar situation my heart goes out to you, big virtual hug, its easy to judge but you cant always help who you fall for and sometimes set ups thoughts about being married fall second to the emotional pull of the narc. Girls we have all been there and it breaks my heart that we are disagreeing and tearing each other. Please lets be kind to each other whatever the circumstances of how the relationship started.
Big hugs to you all x
I'm with you bgirl....for
Exactly. My husband whom I am
Bgirl