I was thinking the exact same thing....hoovering is a blatant disrespect of our boundaries all over again.....how dare they..........seriously..........
love~ Layla
Goldie that was AWESOME. After reading that who would want to be hoovered, because the reason for the hoover is all wrong. Thanks I needed that today (:
This is helpful, and I should be happy my XN doesn't hoover - it's hard not to feel rejection. Rejected by even an N. That's a good one for my self esteem.
and it was so hard for me to overcome. I grieved that he no longer wanted me. But you know what? I NO LONGER WANT HIM! He is toxic, evil and sadistic. I am now thankful that he doesn't hoover. Makes NC so much easier!!
I know...right away we think..REJECTION!!! I was feeling it too!!
BUT
WE are the lucky ones...we are the ones that will have it easier in this long haul...The less we hear from them...the more NC we have...the BETTER off we will be and the FASTER we will get to that light at the end of the tunnel.....
It's not easy feeling greatful of this...but just keep reading the posts and hearing all of these survivors' stories...the more we learn the further we will go and the better we will feel!!!
Hang in there my fellow sistas!!!!
xoxo
Thank you for the reminder, janemarie. I know it it my head - but it's an old wound of rejection that keeps getting reopened. I just have to keep plowing through all of these emotions and sort them out, try to make sense of it all.
We weren't together too long, so I'd not seen much of the negative side yet - so it's hard to keep focused on it, and not the fun we had. I've got the list though, and remind myself as often as I can of the lies and empty promises, the strange way he acted and how he downed everyone of his friends. I'm sure he does/did the same about me behind my back, too. And the plethora of other things he did that led me to figure out he (and most of the other people/men in my life) was an N.
He really is strange so I can't figure out why I am still so addicted to his nonsense. I've been surrounded by N's my whole life, you'd think I'd be sick of it all by now... I guess I just don't know what healthy looks like and how good it can be. But I don't want to fall into the trap that bad is better than nothing. I left my marriage 20 years ago knowing in my heart there was something better for me - I've just yet to find it....
Keep the good stuff coming everyone!
fc
I have had to overcome the Hoover in my head too! PD's don't change - their is no 'awakening' or coming to their senses and realizing how great you were as a couple and what a good person you are. I waited for months, thinking that my exN would have a change of heart. The PD wasn't even thinking about me - he had very quickly moved on to the woman I refer to as NEXT (I found out there are many of us.) I had to get real about that and then work on me to recover.
Goldie,
GREAT TOPIC & just what I needed today as lately I have felt the tug of war inside me beginning to move toward the addiction again. Even though I feel like I have strengthened my recovery from the addiction your words were dead on "Once you break YOUR addiction to the PD, that feeling of wanting the hoover and dreading it at the same time will leave."
I just want the feeling to leave already . . . but I continue to work the steps & strengthen myself every day.
Thanks for your well written & timely post.
Nan
Sometimes it helps me to think of the character in My Bloody Valentine who seems so sane but goes absolutely psycho. PDs may not actually kill people but they drain their souls.
Lol, Spinning
Spinning
AMEN Spinning! AMEN!
wow this is exactly true.
Thanks for that Goldie
Rejection
I felt like this too
Fraidy and Georgia
Janemarie
Thank you goldie..i needed
Hoover Avoidance
Goldie, GREAT TOPIC & just
Nan
You are very welcome Nancyh
Sometimes it helps me to
It is a blessing NOT to be
I am blessed!!! I will keep
And with that ..
Thank you Goldie....
Thank you Goldie!