The HOOVER is NOT a compliment!!!

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Dec 28 - 2PM (Reply to #20)
Goldie's picture

Lol, Spinning

Was there still someone on here who thought that they respect us? Goldie
Dec 28 - 12PM (Reply to #19)
janemarie's picture


Another great comment to embed in my brain!!!!! xoxo
Dec 28 - 11AM (Reply to #18)
Layla's picture

AMEN Spinning! AMEN!

I was thinking the exact same thing....hoovering is a blatant disrespect of our boundaries all over dare they..........seriously.......... love~ Layla
Dec 28 - 10AM
foreverfun1's picture

wow this is exactly true.

wow this is exactly true. mine hoovered for those exact reasons. its so sickening. thanks for spot on letter
Dec 28 - 9AM
Avid's picture

Thanks for that Goldie

Goldie that was AWESOME. After reading that who would want to be hoovered, because the reason for the hoover is all wrong. Thanks I needed that today (:
Dec 28 - 9AM
fraidythecat's picture


This is helpful, and I should be happy my XN doesn't hoover - it's hard not to feel rejection. Rejected by even an N. That's a good one for my self esteem.
Dec 28 - 9AM (Reply to #12)
GeorgiaGirl's picture

I felt like this too

and it was so hard for me to overcome. I grieved that he no longer wanted me. But you know what? I NO LONGER WANT HIM! He is toxic, evil and sadistic. I am now thankful that he doesn't hoover. Makes NC so much easier!!
Dec 28 - 12PM (Reply to #13)
janemarie's picture

Fraidy and Georgia

I know...right away we think..REJECTION!!! I was feeling it too!! BUT WE are the lucky ones...we are the ones that will have it easier in this long haul...The less we hear from them...the more NC we have...the BETTER off we will be and the FASTER we will get to that light at the end of the tunnel..... It's not easy feeling greatful of this...but just keep reading the posts and hearing all of these survivors' stories...the more we learn the further we will go and the better we will feel!!! Hang in there my fellow sistas!!!! xoxo
Dec 28 - 2PM (Reply to #14)
fraidythecat's picture


Thank you for the reminder, janemarie. I know it it my head - but it's an old wound of rejection that keeps getting reopened. I just have to keep plowing through all of these emotions and sort them out, try to make sense of it all. We weren't together too long, so I'd not seen much of the negative side yet - so it's hard to keep focused on it, and not the fun we had. I've got the list though, and remind myself as often as I can of the lies and empty promises, the strange way he acted and how he downed everyone of his friends. I'm sure he does/did the same about me behind my back, too. And the plethora of other things he did that led me to figure out he (and most of the other people/men in my life) was an N. He really is strange so I can't figure out why I am still so addicted to his nonsense. I've been surrounded by N's my whole life, you'd think I'd be sick of it all by now... I guess I just don't know what healthy looks like and how good it can be. But I don't want to fall into the trap that bad is better than nothing. I left my marriage 20 years ago knowing in my heart there was something better for me - I've just yet to find it.... Keep the good stuff coming everyone! fc
Dec 28 - 9AM
NessMIA's picture

Thank you goldie..i needed

Thank you goldie..i needed this today. The N keeps hoovering and reading this just gives me more strength.
Dec 28 - 9AM
Jannie In the Sun
Jannie In the Sun's picture

Hoover Avoidance

I have had to overcome the Hoover in my head too! PD's don't change - their is no 'awakening' or coming to their senses and realizing how great you were as a couple and what a good person you are. I waited for months, thinking that my exN would have a change of heart. The PD wasn't even thinking about me - he had very quickly moved on to the woman I refer to as NEXT (I found out there are many of us.) I had to get real about that and then work on me to recover.
Dec 28 - 9AM
nancyh's picture

Goldie, GREAT TOPIC & just

Goldie, GREAT TOPIC & just what I needed today as lately I have felt the tug of war inside me beginning to move toward the addiction again. Even though I feel like I have strengthened my recovery from the addiction your words were dead on "Once you break YOUR addiction to the PD, that feeling of wanting the hoover and dreading it at the same time will leave." I just want the feeling to leave already . . . but I continue to work the steps & strengthen myself every day. Thanks for your well written & timely post. Nan


Dec 29 - 8AM (Reply to #8)
Goldie's picture

You are very welcome Nancyh

xoxoxo, keep up the good work. God bless, Goldie
Dec 28 - 9AM
TNR1's picture

Sometimes it helps me to

Sometimes it helps me to think of the character in My Bloody Valentine who seems so sane but goes absolutely psycho. PDs may not actually kill people but they drain their souls.
Dec 28 - 9AM
Sparrow's picture

It is a blessing NOT to be

It is a blessing NOT to be hoovered. Well said Goldie! This should be posted weekly, in a rotation format, as a constant reminder to everyone. :)
Dec 28 - 12PM (Reply to #5)
janemarie's picture

I am blessed!!! I will keep

I am blessed!!! I will keep telling myself that!! A constant reminder would be perfect!!!
Dec 28 - 9AM
Hunter's picture

And with that ..

And with that .. Delete,Delete,Delete.. Thank you Miss Goldie! Hunter
Dec 28 - 8AM
Redhead's picture

Thank you Goldie....

I needed to hear that this morning.
Dec 28 - 9AM (Reply to #2)
Redhead1's picture

Thank you Goldie!

Thank you Goldie!