OMG! How ironic! I just called my gf tonmight upset about this. I was with him 5 years and I opened up his world. Taught him how to live, make his house a home, cook, dress nice, have fun, go to the beach, you name it. On Sun when I went to the beach that I introduced him to I was walking the boardwalk and in the sand on the same blanket he use to bring with us, there he was with gf. it killed me. I absolutely think he will be much better to a point with her. And she's recycles. She dated him back in 2004 so I am curious if she notices a difference. I got him to get deck furniture, I bought outdoor dinnnerware and we grilled all summer and hung out. It wa the best. New Years Eve we would mak gourmet meals, al dressed up and celebrate then be intimate at midnight. I am crying now. This is so hard.
That would be so hard to see the exN with OW on the beach. Sorry youre down. I would be too. It makes me relieved that I live in different states. It sounds like you gave a lot and had some good times (have good memories). I don't recall too many of those with my exN, and the bad obliterated any good. He was abusive. Have you been NC long? We can give and really love, which is something to be proud of, and from what I can gather, even if he is now putting forth a better "side" it does not mean he has changed. IMHO. That seems to be the case with most of the exNs here. Btw, I live near the beach too. Stay strong and hugs!
you do not sound bitter to me,more realistic, I vote in favor of NOTHING changing with the narc and here is why,. mine late 60's now, five failed relationships, same pattern for all of them, I was #5, he never changed at all and even wife #3 said that to me, he was the same with ALL the women, I rest my case.......I asked him once who was the common denominator of his 5 failed relationships and what did he do, rages, anger at me ", whore, slut, offering free sex on Craigslist, first come, first served," funny isn't it, sad and pathetic is more like it, NEVER got my answer to my legitimate question
Hi Caligirl,
You know, I've had the same question myself. My therapist actually told me that N's are VERY good at telling therapists what they want to hear...fake learning, healing and getting well. I could see why a therapist(s) wouldn't want to treat them. I could actually see that being true. As for us, improving them...well, in a warped way, I think we do. However, I don't think their goal/mission of using and abusing ever changes. I think they just get better at it. I don't view them as miraculously (sp?) and deciding that they need to change their behavior and motives. They just become better at using people. Make sense?
As for "improving them for the next girl/woman", Caligirl, I don't think so. N's are not wired like healthy minded people...NO ONE benefits from these type of personalities. All who cross in their path are bound to be hurt.
Hope this helps a little :)
TovaBella
I think they just improve and build their "resumes" and experience with each woman to know better how to manipulate the next victim with less effort, for longer, for more supply, or whatever. They do not improve as people, they just brush up on their job skills and pad their resume. That's how I see it based on what happened with the one before me and the new one. He's accumulating "humanness" to add to his repertoire of tricks, illusions and deceit.
Hunter, lol! Gosh do I love you! haha.
p.s. ex-N sent me a FB message today. don't worry, NC all the way. His message said, "saw your pic in my dentist today." he's told me I look like the model's photo in the office. will you go hold him down so i can beat my frustration out on him?! haha
Fine, But I want a chance to knock the shit out if him too. He will need a dentist when we get through with him. HE can be the before and after for the cometic dentist posters.
Assclown, Seriously, lets jump and make sure you check how high first.
Hunter
Oh please...be my guest(me moving out of your way to make room for your turn), haha. We'll both get total body workout taking turns beating the crap out of him. My gosh! His message was a TOTAL FEELER to "test the waters" and see if I'll communicate with him. LOSER!
TovaBella
LMAO, Hunter!
You know I know the answer to this one, haha! The ex-N use to shave his because he's a bodybuilder and those guys/gals shave or wax their entire body. We're talking from the face down (arms, legs, back...you name it.)
TovaBella
OMG, you crack me up. My narc would be out of town for a week to a month. He'd tell me he shaved, and I'd think why?? He told me once I hate hair. Would it be naive of me to have believed that or most likely it was for the possible casual sexual encounter? He was a trucker. He'd also leave a thin line of hair up to his navel. I hope that wasn't TMI.
OMG! How ironic! I just
Dentalas
Caligirl
Thanks. I needed to hear this
Caligirl
I think they just improve and
Caligirl
Hunter, I can always count on you...haha!
TovaBELLA
Hunter
Tova
Yours too?
narcissizednomore
Yours too?
narcissizednomore
Hunter, answer to your question.
Hunter
Caligirl