Does Ignoring Them Always Bother Them?

37 posts / 0 new
Last post
Apr 26 - 10AM (Reply to #7)
Smitten Kitten (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

ShaynasMommy

"So, no. I don't think they EVER stop thinking about us completely." I guess it helps to know this because it's hard to conceive of the idea that not only did I mean nothing to him in the end, but that he would just forget about me too as if I never even existed. I would like to feel I had SOME impact in some way. I now know that he still thought about the previous GF prior to me when he was with me. And when he started pulling away 6 months into our relationship, that's when he hoovered her. Although I realize now, he was always hoovering her to some degree because she's still on his FB friends list. During the final D&D he said he never got over her until now. Now that he's with the new GF. He said she was really special to him for reasons even he didn't understand, and that he will always care about her. But I ask myself, if she was so special, WHY did he start pursuing me while he was still with her and sabotage that relationship? (Because that's what they do.) He was only a couple of months into their relationship when he targeted me and D&D'd her. She also is married and long distance, although only 4 hours vs. across the country. I think she never figured out who/what he really is and since the relationship only lasted a couple of months, it never really played out the way ours did. Ours lasted a year and we were so much more involved. But they stayed friends and she never went NC. I think that's what makes her so special to him. She continued contacting him even after he hurt her by going after me, she never called him out on his shit, they didn't fight (we didn't either the first couple of months), so she is better supply to recycle than I am. She's more convenient and still gullible. He also always described her as very vulnerable like the new one while saying I was strong.
Apr 25 - 1PM (Reply to #5)
dudette
dudette's picture

ha ha mine

had an epiphany too once. after I had found out he had cheated, and forgave him because after all, I was married so how could he not right??? H ah ah all the same...
Apr 26 - 10AM (Reply to #6)
Smitten Kitten (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Me Too!

I ended up forgiving mine after he cheated with a girl he met at a party for the same reason. After all, I'm married and live clear across the country. How fair is it to him to expect him to remain celibate during the months in between seeing him? Never mind that I wasn't having any sex with my husband. Supposedly there was no intercourse or oral, just making out at the party with HEAVY petting and he never saw her again. He confessed it to me to begin with, and he keeps sticking to that story even after the D&D, while other stories of his changed constantly. After the D&D he intentionally told me about some things that weren't true all along just to hurt me, so I figured he would have told me a different version of this incident to hurt me too. Of course it's possible he held back on some things to keep from driving me away completely in case he wanted to recycle me some day. Who the hell knows at this point. I figure everything was a lie now.
Apr 25 - 1PM
dudette
dudette's picture

I once read

on a N forum that it absolutely kills them although they would not want to admit it.... in the end we have to give ourselves the benefit of the doubt and go NC for our own sake and our own sanity.... But I also agree that when they no longer get the drama from us, they get it somewhere else....
Apr 25 - 12PM
deecbee
deecbee's picture

I agree with Soaper. i wish.

I agree with Soaper. i wish. It bothered them, but as fickle and shallow as they are, how could it for very long? They are focused on their new supply. They won't notice our absence until that supply has worn out. And even then, they don't really care. I think the most frustrating part of all this is knowing that nothing really gets to them for a significant period of time. I could easily and gladly never look back or think twice about this if i knew he felt one iota of discomfort over the situation.
Apr 25 - 1PM
SoaperGirl
SoaperGirl's picture

When they're done, they're done

And the final D&D I don't think they even give a damn. Whey they're done with you, they're done. That's a generalization, but true, I think. They have such shallow emotions, I doubt anything gets to them for long. When I saw him on the vidcam after the first D&D, he looked very tearful, pathetic, sad and broken - Was it an act?, I have no idea. Probably. I do know after the first D&D - when I had my first D&D later we discussed it briefly: He wrote me that Not hearing from me was driving him crazy, couldn't sleep or anything. When he was out working in the yard thinking of ending it all between us - his mind asked him "Are you fucking crazy". so, anything is possible.