The Cycle

he would put me on hold if i asked a question, sent an email that wanted some clarificatioin or was actual real emotions. He told me that once, well i just wait until you calm down and are more reasonable and then i call. but i accepted that for so long.. that is why his silence lately means he is waiting for me to "calm down" from our last go round.. but this time i dont' want to go back to step 1. nope.

I've almost completely forgot number five. I knew it was time to leave this terrible N. I got my own cell phone account because I was sick of paying for his and his mom's iPhones. I had been saving money (cash) in an envelope. I knew it was time to get away from the madness. I didn't want to be with him. He was lying and lying to me. I was so alone. He sensed this. Then when I finally put all his things outside on the porch, he didn't try to apologize. He didn't stop everything he we doing and try to get his family back. No. He kept on doing whatever he was doing. Running around with a 'spiritual guru' guy and his OW claiming that this man could pray for you and tell you the future. Of course he contacted all of our friends and colleages trying to get 'donations' for this man. It's a sick, sick situation. Me, without money, alone, with a new baby and 4 other kids and him playing agent to a Guru with his OW. Step 5, was in action. He was out (the sicko). I need to remember that. Thank you for the post!

Concerning steps #5 & #6, when I was backing away from the friendship with my female narc, she did try pitifully to bring me back by giving my dog a Christmas gift. Not me, but my dog. I had, obviously, locked the door to my house and she came by while I was out and tried to get in my house to leave the gift (so she said) so she left the cheap-o dog toy in my car's passenger seat. (I should've locked my car too.) And she left a little note saying that the toy was for my dog for Christmas and that she would've put it in my house but the door was locked. (Duh! Of course, it was locked to keep psychos like her out.) I gotta say it was weird. She and I had already had a few fights and I was trying to get some breathing room away from her craziness. When the pathetic gift didn't win me back to thinking she was a swell person, then step #6 happened. I was belittled for not thanking her excessively for the stupid dog toy, that couldn't have cost more than a dollar, during the final D&D a few days later.

very insightful post this is, goldie. I shall copy and keep in my documents to read daily and understand.... whatever may be the cause, no human being has a right to D&D another. If things are not working out, the Narc must have courage to legally quit and not run and find OW. so much I am learning each day i am here at the forum. it is mind boggling. at least now i am able to develop tiny bits of self esteem.. now that i know i am not a wastrel...but only projected to be so by my narc father, brother, and husband. what a triad of narcs.. Thank you goldie.

It is so easy to see it now once you learn to recognize the signs.

Our relationship was like that too! Only, we wouldnt break up for 3 months...id stay with him and put myself through hoops to figure out why he was ignoring me some days.

I think the final D&D should just be called the final straw, because it's not that it was maybe any worse than one you experienced prior. It's just more of the same bs, and enough is enough!

I KNOW I HAVE COMMENTED ON THIS ONCE....ITS SO GREAT AND TRUE I WILL SAY IT AGAIN......SO TO KNOW ONE NARC IS TO KNOW THEM ALL...WELL DONE..PP