So after I left my Narcisisst(for the second time), and cut off alll communication, he messaged me yesterday telling me all the things I did wrong; that I was too needy&dramatic etc. The difficult thing is today is his birthday, and all the memories&plans I made are drowning me.
I'm dying To just message him a short happy birthday. AnD then never speak again?
Sentimentality does NOT work with a PD
Sounds like you want to contact him to ease your discomfort. You are getting sentimental over his Birthday. Won't make much difference to him aside from showing him that putting you down and insulting you works. This reinforces his bad behavior towards you and anytime you break NC it sets you back.
Wishing him a Happy Birthday only shows him that he still has control over you, regardless to what he says or does to you.
You are dying to reconnect with him and stop your withdrawal symptoms. His Birthday is just an excuse for you to break NC.
Don't do it, read, post, and give yourself a chance to heal. He will be just fine without your Birthday wish.
God bless,
Goldie