"Friends With Benefits" crumbs from a Narcissist

The Narcissist's theme song and the Empath's Love Story of HOPE.....
Also a GREAT SONG/theme for the Narcissist's HOOVER, I LOVE you NOW BABY!!!!
Does he? Do Narcissist's love just ONE GIRL? Can a leopard change his spots? Are YOU holding out for this one in a million?

Fooled Around and Fell in Love
Elvin Bishop
Jeffrey Bailey edited the lyrics

I must have been through about a million girls

I love 'em and I leave 'em alone

I didn't care how much they cried, no sir

Their tears left me cold as a stone

But then I fooled around and fell in love

It used to be when I'd see a girl that I like

I'd get out my book and write down her name

But when the grass got a little greener on the other side

I'd just tear out that page

But then I fooled around and fell in love

I fooled around and fell in love, since I met you baby

I fooled around and fell in love

I fooled around and fell in love

Free on my own, that's the way I used to be

But since I met you baby, love got a hold on me

Fooled around and fell in love (whoo, it's got ahold on me now, yeah)

Fooled around and fell in love (I can't let go of you baby)

Fooled around and fell in love (I can't stop loving you now, hey)~~~

There is much I could say in response to this, however, I don't want to bombard you with too much information all at once as to the intricacies' of the dynamic between a Narcissist and his unwitting target.

FWB is a common practice these days, for all age groups. Primary became popular with the younger set and now is practiced within all age groups. It's a win win win all over the place for those who want their cake and eat it too without having to expend too much energy or responsibility. I suppose, it's OK, IF both parties are onboard with this arrangement and neither party "falls in love" or wants more than the original arrangement stipulated.

How often does that happen? How often does one or both, NOT end up wanting more or something different?

FWB is a dream arrangement for a Narcissist. He can stay on board with that all day long. Of course we need to add to the mix that Narcissist's are control freaks and want what they cannot have (for 5 minutes) and often THEY will become the presenting party FAKING that they are in fact the one who wants more.

I know, this is where it gets complicated. You were on board with FWB, until THEY pretended to want more. The short answer is that they do this because they just want to SEE, IF, you will take the bait and then when you do, they go back to playing the FWB card again. Get's real confusing and screwy and by the time you are a heap on the floor, you don't know what he wants.

Please trust me when I tell you, NO MATTER WHAT HE SAYS, he really does still want FWB, all the rest is designed to confuse you and mess you up so that you will remain at his beck and call and in some cases this insane barrage of confusion WORKS, as it keeps you off your guard, confused, and of course, coming back for more. That syndrome/dynamic is a entire topic and blog on it's own. Random Conditioning is the short answer.

Keep them confused and coming back for more.

This is in response to a 25 year old Narcissist, still wearing his "Narcissist in Training" wings.

Suffice to say, he's quite the player and just getting his feet wet at 25. I shudder to think what he'll be like at 40. He will have a truck load of broken hearts and wreckage created in the lives of others by then and he'll have his master manipulator wings on by 40.

He's still green and using the obvious cliche manipulations at this point.

Friends with benefits
I'm afraid to get too close
I love em and leave em
I only want to be friends
Yadda yadda yadda, blah blah blah

Basic stock 101 little boy manipulation technique's.

Friends with benefits = a glorified hooker for free for the guy and NOTHING but heartache for the girl who falls in love and now is nursing her broken heart, alone. FWB, don't care about your heart, they have a built in, get out of jail free card, after all, YOU agreed to these terms.

Sorry to burst your bubble, but this little shit is a dime a dozen. There are thousands of them, just like him, using these tired worn out BS lines.

Unfortunately where the real problem lie's is not so much in what he is.....

More so in the fact that many women today don't seem wise to these blatant ploys to suck you in.....

Use you.....

And then spit you out.

Don't kid yourself on this score for one second.

He knows exactly what he is doing and apparently has no problem whatsoever sucking in new prey.

He's been married twice, OF COURSE he knows what women want and what women are like.

He knows this shit does not fly with women.

His solution???

Simply call them crazy and trouble makers (blame your PAST PREY).

Lower the bar and find women who will settle for less and buy into your BS spiel. Friends with benefits and LET'S JUST SEE what happens.

Takes the focus off you HIM and HIS BS, puts the focus on the crazy woman and all is well in his little self seeking, lying, world of using and discarding women. He simply finds new women who believe the shit he is slinging.

The issue lie's in your thinking.

What you believe about the ways of the world and HIM.

You need to take a good long hard look at what you want out of life and what you believe.

Your belief system.

It's all well and good to view the world through rose colored glasses. Believing what people tell you and believing in the fundamental goodness in people.

HOWEVER....

If these beliefs include believing a lying, cheating, immature, selfish, using Narcissist...

Then....

Houston, we have a problem!!!!

Perhaps this needed to happen NOW, (the poster engaging in FWB here, is a 30 year old woman).

Perhaps you needed a wake up call and a reality check as to what REALLY exists out there in some men. The world is filled with good and bad people. People who you cannot change and cannot help. People need to fix themselves, it's not our job to coddle them into wellness. It does not work that way. Trust me, many have tried to change a man and failed miserably. Left in a heap on the floor, left with nothing more than CHOICES.

DO I, chose to cut my losses and get out of this circus? Or do I choose to try some more and get knocked down again on the other side of my head?

Perhaps this is a major life lesson for you, while you are still young, so that you will be spared having to learn this lesson when you are older and even more set in your beliefs and the stakes are higher.

Imagine finding this all out AFTER you married him and perhaps had a couple of children together, then you realized you were in bed with this toxic nightmare excuse of a man.

Up until this point, you have not lost anything major, so you still have a chance to pull yourself together and accept that you were played by a narcissist.

You still have a chance to find a man who LOVES YOU and knows he loves you and doesn't change his mind about this fact every two seconds.

You have been spared years of heartache and turmoil.

Obviously this man is no prize package or he would NOT have had two marriages fail this quickly.

No wonder his X wife hates him and wants to take him down.

Life being married to this jackass must have been PURE HELL for her. I don't doubt this.

She was married to the freak and he was cheating on her while married, NO DOUBT.

What is this business about allowing a man to screw around on you so he can get it out of his system??? Was this a FWB ground rule for you?

I have NEVER heard of this theory working. NEVER.

If you give a man permission to screw around on you for fun or to get it out of his system, he will always screw around on you.

People are not designed to have their cake and eat it too only to change when it serves you.

If this is what they are doing, this is what they will always do.

My strongest recommendation and advise for you, is to wise up to the ways of men and the world.

Read everything you can get your hands on regarding, love, relationships, players, liars, narcissists and educate yourself on how these things work.

You sound like an amazing person, yet somewhat naive regarding the games men play with women.

You are NOT ALONE.

I am not picking on you, we were all where you were once upon a time. I was the worst of the worst. My brother called me gullible, my Narc called me sensitive, in a bad way, and others, accused me of viewing the world through rose colored glasses.

I like you wanted to see the good, wanted to help, wanted to give the benefit of the doubt to my friends. I too was used by many and often my generosity and goodness was severely taken advantage of and I was frequently used by men.

If you want to spare yourself a life of heartache, it is essential that you educate yourself on what goes on out there.

Like I said, it's all well and good to be trusting, YET, if you take this quality to the extreme and have no boundaries or sensors out there as to who the good ones are and who the bad one's are, you may get cremated again by another one of these freaks.

Education, knowledge, and the truth is power and will set you free.

This guy is a dime store junkie for using and abusing women.

He's a two bit hustler.

I hope hope hope you can dispel the myth that having this man as a friend on any level will in anyway benefit you because he WILL continue this charade and use you some more for years to come if you continue to allow this crazy making insane treatment and behavior in your precious life.

Much love,
Together and Healing,
Goldie

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January 27, 2015 - 6:47am
kollontai77
kollontai77's picture

Goldie hits the nail on the

September 16, 2014 - 9:56pm
lonestar
lonestar's picture

Thank you for this post

October 6, 2014 - 12:21pm (Reply to #1)
truthnow
truthnow's picture

No more settling for crumbs

Truthnow