The Path Forward

Happydaysahead - I hope you saw the thread from this Fall that I just re-posted in response to your question on what Cognitive Behavioral Therapy is and how it works. CBT is one of the most effective forms of treatment, in my opinion. Why? Because it's based on the most recent advances in science and technology that now show us our brains are much more plastic (changeable) than we ever thought. The reason this is important is because it means we can retrain our brains.

It took me many years of suffering before I finally tried Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. When I did, it changed my life. Was it difficult? Yes, I was shaking and cried the first time I did it. Was it worth it? Absolutely!

As I have mentioned before, I have OCD. I have struggled with it my whole life. It wasn't until five years ago when I finally sought the help of a Cognitive Behavioral Therapist at UIC that I finally had some reprieve from my obsessive thoughts. I had heard about CBT years prior, but was too afraid to try it because I heard it was very difficult and anxiety provoking. Well, it is both of these things, but it is also the only therapy I have tried that works in terms of moving you forward.

Talk therapy (psycho-therapy) only goes so far, in my opinion. The basis of it is rooted in our past and many psycho-therapists want to spend years digging apart your childhood trying to get to some root problem that will explain it all.

Well, I was blessed with a very happy childhood. Even if that weren't the case for me, how much would it help to realize something horrible happened to me in my past. I can see that being the first step in the road to recovery, but it certainly is not an answer or solution to getting well.

Someone very close to me was raped in a church sanctuary when she was nine. She and her little sister took a short-cut through the massive city church sanctuary. That short-cut she knew she shouldn't be taking led to the end of her innocence. She did not remember this event until her forties. Can you blame her? Imagine the feelings of guilt and shame she must have put upon herself? Once she remembered it, a lot of therapy was needed.

But what kind of therapy? That is the question. Don't get me wrong. Talking about the past is important. It is critical. We have to "Get it Out" as I like to refer to it. That is exactly why I created this we can "Get it Out" and talk about what happened and what we experienced. If we don't get it off our chest somehow, it will build inside us and become toxic.

This is the first step toward recovery and what better way to "Get it Out" than to talk to others on this forum who understand better than anyone else what it's like to try to love a narcissist. If I had this messageboard when I first realized my ex-husband was a raging narcissist, it would have been my sanctuary.

This messageboard is here for everyone who is at Step 1 in their path to recovery, "Gettin' it Out." We must talk about the relationship. We must obsess about it. We must pick it apart. We must relate to others who experienced it. We must be baffled and confounded by it. We must laugh at it. We must cry and pound our fists at it. We must do all of these things and more in order to move through the pain.

But at a certain point, we want to move forward, right? How do we do that? Well, this is what I have spent the last year trying to figure out. I finally feel I'm ready to launch a second website that will focus on moving forward. My coaching methodology for moving forward will be based on what I learned in my own Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) and Exposure Response Prevention Treatment (ERP). In addition to this, I will utilize my recent coaching certification in Subconscious Restructuring (SR).

Moving forward is not easy and no one should try to do so alone without support. It is for this reason I want to provide you with a roadmap or path, if you will, to move forward. Barbara came up with the name of my new program and I hope she will continue to work with me on it. We will simply refer to it as

"The Path Forward"

The messageboard here that Barbara moderates with such diligence and dedication is Step 1 in "The Path Forward." Often times, this is the longest step in our path to recovery. We must be patient with ourselves during this step and not rush things. Listen to Barbara, ladies. She is tough, but she is so right. She tells it like it is and she's not going to sugar coat it. She doesn't do this to be mean. She does it to help you. I hope you understand it's for your own good. We have been lied to and have lied to ourselves for long enough. Do you really want to be lied to anymore? I know I don't.

I sincerely believe, "the only way through it is through it." I just heard Christina Aguillera say something in an interview that really struck a chord. She said:

"Through the pain comes the most rewarding outcomes."

I am not offering anyone a "quick fix" here. There is no such thing. However, I am saying that if you bite down hard and get ready to do some serious work, you are on the first step of "The Path Forward."

As far as I know, we have one life to live. If that's the case:

While I'm Alive, I Choose to Thrive.

....won't you join me?

Coming Soon - Relationship Recovery Website - "The Path Forward"