All About Him Forum

This is a question presented by a concerned survivor of narcissist abuse?

"I wanted to raise a question here, more of a query. I read a lot of Sam Vaknin's work and also H.G. Tudor. They both state they are male narcissists. As narcissists are out for supply, by reading and buying their work, I feel like I am giving energy to these narcissists. I don't entirely feel comfortable with this action or am I overthinking this?
As a codependent and a emphatic, I would rather not provide consummate fuel. Or do I have this wrong?"

ANSWER:

Anything look familiar?

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Much love,
Goldie

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We are not living in ordinary times. I have been quiet for the past two and a half years for many reasons, but the situation we find ourselves in today with our U.S. President has ignited something in me. I no longer recognize the world we live in and it saddens me.

I have been divorced for 4 years from a narcissist. We have joint custody of the kids but he still refuses to work together when life gets in the way of the official calendar. He refuses to share the holidays with the kids or even put together a parenting plan because that would give him less room to still manipulate me. I am about to take him back to court to get a parenting coordinator involved and hopefully get things set up. Any advice on how to deal with him during this court session would be greatly appreciated.

New to the forum and the site.
I feel baffled, numb, stupid and lonely.
I am not even able to express myself at this time; I thought I was smarter, now I realize I am not.
Thanks for accepting me.

Mentally-healthy people generally find NPD-rooted behaviors incomprehensible. The narcissist violates social norms that healthy people hold instinctively and therefore assume (usually correctly) that others hold—while at the same time he creates a semblance of normalcy, because being able to do so is part of the disorder. Because the rest of us cannot relate to, often cannot even imagine how a narcissist thinks and feels, it seems outside the realm of plausibility, and so his semblance of normalcy will fool us.

Gaslighting is a tactic of behavior in which a person or entity, in order to gain more power, makes a victim question their reality. It works a lot better than you may think. Anyone is susceptible to gaslighting. It is a common technique of abusers, dictators, narcissists, and cult leaders. It is done slowly, so the victim doesn't realize how much they've been brainwashed. In the movie Gaslight (1944), a man manipulates his wife to the point where she thinks she is losing her mind.
People that gaslight use the following techniques:
1. They tell you blatant lies.

Me and my now ex husband split a year ago. He had an affair with a woman he met at a bar. I was 4 months pregnant when he walked out. We also have a 2 year old. He just came home one night and walked out. He has since moved in with her. During the separation he was awful. He threw her in my face every chance he got and when I finally got mad and confronted the two to leave me alone she went crazy and they tried having me arrested. It doesn't seem that he is to happy. He has a Facebook account and keeps looking me up everyday.

My ex dumped me about five weeks ago. At first I thought I was grieving a normal relationship but things he's said since then and things I've found out about him, added to confusing things about our relationship have made me realize he is narcissistic, although perhaps not a fully fledged narcissist - he was never openly abusive or controlling. But he wasn't intimate, covertly blamed me, wanted everything to be perfect, is self centered and needs constant attention from lots of people especially women.