Your Narc or X issues w/ drinking, pot or other drugs?

My X-N/P ate nothing but junk. He would stand in the kitchen and stuff handfulls of cheese into his mouth with it falling all over the floor, made me sick to watch. He never ate vegetables, salad, fish, ect... and made fun of me for eating lamb. He said: who the f eats lamb, you are a sicko and I said: Lamb is one of the cleanest, leanest meats and mostly rich people like it you dumb f. As for the drugs and alcohol, a regular thing for him he was always high, I did not realize how much at the time. He had apparently gotten extremely heavy at one time after 2 or 3 girls "screwed him over" when he was like 22 or 23. I said to him once: normal people eat junk for a treat, they do not live on it 24/7. He was basically "treating" himself round the clock on junkfood, drugs, alcohol, hookers ect... All the vices, really quite disgusting. Nothing like me who loves health food, hiking, dancing, spirituality ect.... with him it was all about instant gratification, creature comforts. Sex, watching TV, buying himself things, going out, and playing with himself. What a pathetic pig really. Major arrested development and no sense of delayed gratification or saving, goal setting, the other person, and all the things that makes us strong, spiritual, and one with character. The guy had no character, no backbone, no true grit, no inner core. Just a shell wanting to be filled by everyone elses energy, time, and money. Total entitlement, if he wanted something he would simply take it. He was a theif, a theif of people's things, time, and soul. When I think of him now, I'm like: what the f was I thinking? This guy is a joke an embarassment to be seen with or associated with on any level. Seriously, whether or not he ended up in jail as he did, had I ever married him, I would have most assuredly woken up one day and been like: why did I marry this pathetic loser who hurts and embarasses me at every turn and of course the fact that he could be trusted as far as I can throw a stone, which is not very far. Since N/C, I would say at about month 4 or 5 as my thinking began to clear, I was thanking God everyday that I was no longer with this poor excuse for a human being. My son said it all the first week he met M. Mom, M is just not spiritual. Man oh man, if I ever hear those words again you will smell the rubber burning and hear the loud screetching as my car peels so fast down the road. I think of the Holiday season, with him tucked safely away in jail and what a sham he made of it last year, with his drunken, slothful, self serving, disgusting ways and feel blessed that while yes, I am alone this season, it is far better to be alone than to be sleeping with the devil. God bless, Goldie

Briseis, Your story is all coming back to me now. I remember how my father was just so.... strange all the time and as a child, I had no idea what to make of it. He would say loving things on occasion and make promises and there was NEVER any follow through. He was obsesssed with my sister (yet appeared to hate me, I was the smart one who could see through his bullshit), in a bizzare way and she still lives with him and she is in her 40's. She nearly went psychotic when he at last got a girlfriend a few years ago. He verbally abused me something awful and made light of any accomplishments of mine, yet my sister could fart and that was a blessed event. She was always in trouble and screwed up like him, yet she could do no wrong. My mother was on her deathbed and my sister called me a c--- cuz I gave the nurses some of the food people brought for us and I told him what she said and he told ME to cut it out and be nice to my sister. It was always like that, really played with my head and self esteem BIG TIME. She was drunk one night and in a blackout and just started punching me for no reason and he said: after I told him exactly what happened, why can't you get along with your sister? Really really screwed up and his own second wife asked him in front of me: why are you so nice to the bad daughter and so mean to the good one? Talk about cognitive dissonance!!!!! He NEVER did anything for me and would seem almost bored when I would talk about myself. He was prone to violent rages and would beat his children and wife. He was selfish and self serving. His idea of a family vacation was doing what he wanted. He was boastful and cheap with his money towards us. He was cruel with his dogs. Yet, to the world at large "appeared" to think he was o.k. The whole thing was very confusing to my brain and oh yes, everything was ALWAYS everyone else's fault. I left that house as soon as I could and seldom looked back. I thought I was o.k. because I got away from him. Well little did I know until a few months ago that he was and is a flaming NARC. I had no real label for it and even though I knew about NARCS my head in the sand, don't think about it, denial attitude towards my father was so strong that I never made the connection until NOW. My sick as f father practically preened me to become a NARC magnet. My son's father was a N as were most of my boyfriends (though none of them as bad as the last one), it took this last psycho piece of shit who was the poster child for bad behavior to at long last open my eyes to the whole cycle. I have studied psychology my entire life and still could not see it in ME because I had blocked out the true horror of my father out of my mind for self perservation until now. No wonder I feel sick when ever I am around my father. When he touches me it makes me want to cringe. My mother always commented on this and the funny thing was that she had the same look in her eyes when ever he put his arms aroung her. WOW, this is the beginning to my freedom. I was taught to honor the father and that has screwed me up for years. I am here to finally announce: tada....I do not honor my father because he was a sick sick sick f... and had no business raising children. I actually don't hate him, I feel nothing but a wanting to get away from him whenever he is around and he is a major liar, theif, basically creepy dude but his rap is so good (he runs a major business) that he has some people snowed and that was confusing as shit as a small child. It's like this "thing" lay dormant in me and did not come out again until the stars lined up and I was sent a NARC in adulthood who was as twisted as my father and it triggered everything in me from childhood and I was almost paralyzed with fear from the past when the current N would abuse me. Basically my life was on point and within 7 short months this man was able to nearly destroy me and bring me to my knees because he was an almost identical replica of my father and while it was going on I was ALMOST powerless to do anything about it and then one day I looked at the NARC and I found the stength to look him dead in the eyes and say: God will not allow the likes of you to take me down and I began the process of getting this disgusting creep out of my life and he sits in jail today which is exactly where he belongs. My father should have gone to jail for child, spousal, animal, abuse and whatever other shady dealings he had with people but he got away with it and he even stole my mother's money. When she finally wound up in rehab, 20 years after marrying this dirtbag he forged her signature and signed the house over to himself and sold it and kept all the profits. My mother being a kind loving person did not want to cause trouble for her children's father and had already met a man who she eventually married who was set for life, allowed him to get away with it and she wrote him a letter, which I have, the dumb f kept it for years in his desk, which says I am not going to prosecute you for stealing my money but please make sure you use it to help our children and our grandson and as you probaly know, we never got a dime. I sit here right now writing this and trust me this is only a small sample, and am amazed that I have come as far as I have. I think for me the key was to get away from him when I did and never look back. I forged my own path and never relied on him for a thing and it made me strong. I just had no idea until now how much damage was really caused my this man inside of me because to the outside it always looked like I was so highly functioning. No one could tell there was so much damage in me because it did not appear to to affect the other areas of my life, only this area, the area of relationships with men. Wow that was cleansing to release all that, feels like I was just at a meeting with you all and got the weight of the world off my chest. Thanks for listening and thanks for being here for me. God bless, Goldie

If you saw this child you would DIE. He is the sweetest little thing in the whole world. I think the narcs live so long because they don't believe anything will happen to them. Part of the fantasy. A cop friend of mine told me about a course he took that was so fascinating. It was to teach cops how to think like gangbangers in order to stay alive. The things is: when a gangbanger gets shot or stabbed, it's a very different thing than when a middle class joe gets shot or stabbed. The idea is that the middle class joe expects to die because that's what his social norms dictate. The gangbanger has the "nine lives" attitude: he has seen his friends take knives and bullets and live again and again. So they don't expect to die, and very often don't whereas the middle class joe would. I think that, because narcs invent their own reality they just pretend everything is ok, and I think it really makes a difference. I have no idea why my narc is still alive. The OW told me he had a bunch of tests done, but that she actually was at the doctor with him and he was given a clean bill of health. A clean bill of health. Smoking three packs of "cowboy killers" a day and drinking a fifth or more of vodka a day AND having had both parents die of cancer in their sixties (he's fifty three).

Funny. When I told him that perhaps a more formal type of therapy in addition to marijuana might be in order for him to help understand himself and why he cycles through so many close people in his life, I was told that I was "misguided" and "spiteful". The reason this is funny? Because while it was seemingly unacceptable for me to advise it to him ... my advice came after HE had told ME that I needed counseling so that I could knock down the tall poles in my life. What's good for the goose... doesn't apply. Unsolicited advice / no personal accountability - classic narc!

Sex,Drugs & Rock n Roll, when he D & D me. I called him an alcoholic, he went nuts, then some how his drinking was my fault. Being here everyday just reassures me what a true loser he is.