YOU NEVER KNOW WHO AN ABUSER IS... NEVER...

I hid it so well, I would not even let myself see it! I knew something was terribly, terribly wrong. I saw how many nice things he would do for others, and how cruel and uncaring he was to me. He would always throw me a bone, or grant me courtesy or some other random occasional indulgence, so I would then bury my fear and continue to pretend all was just fine. Not until he was gone for a while, was I able to get my head out of the sand and look for the truth. Queen of Denial...... Mine never beat me though. Just emotionally and mentally. I'm so sorry to hear about your friend NarcNarc. I think every single event of domestic violence should require mental evaluations of the violent person, and deny the violent parent any visitation priveleges until their disorder is recognized. Face it. Normal people don't beat women....... A psycho should not have priveleges period, unless supervised. So sorry for your friend. Glad to hear she is escaping. Save that email! Should something happen to her, you might need it.

you never know I am sick to death of people saying "you know, you shouldn't really talk about it (abuse) out loud" or in Judaism - its being accused of 'Loshan Hara' (bad speech which is true). If more people would TELL THE DAMN TRUTH - particularly women - instead of suffering in quiet silence - we'd find out soooo much more about abuse and Ns and Ps and the damage they cause. On FB I got a note from a girl I went to college with, recently. She asked me why I never attend the reunions or get-togethers. I was quite blunt about the covert abuse I was subjected to in college. That I was well-aware of what was being said about me 'behind my back' and the people that were poking fun at me for the most juvenile reasons. How I had only a handful of people to turn to for support, etc. How even though a couple of the abusers are dead now, I was no longer keeping silent or being polite about the way I was treated and saw no reason to waste another second of my life on a reunion where some of those people go to gossip more. She was stunned. She said "you were a STAR in college. Grants, scholarships, college theatre tours. You seemed so on top of it all. I had NO idea." I told her, and if you knew - considering it was the 1970s - what would you have done about it? I told her what I do now and that I encourage women to tell the truth and if people don't believe them, to dump those people - yes even family - and find validation and support. (and to kick in the groin anyone who calls you "codependent" or says you "chose to be abused.") She wrote back that she was just stunned - she said she has to start rethinking a lot of things about some of those people... I said, "well - it's about time. the karma bus just pulled up and I'm driving" LOL ~~~~~~~~~ Moving Forward: Coaching for Victims Pathologicals Feelings buried alive never die. - Alice Miller