You know what just occured to me?

Not only did I have childhood issue's from an abusive, extremely emotionally neglectful father, I also was naive to the ways of the world in terms of Men and the extremely sick shit they are capable.

Oh sure, I had read books, heard some stories, watched lifetime original; yet on a gut emotional level, I just did not "get it" to the extent I do now. These months on the board have completely enlightened me. Thank God this is so important, knowledge is power.

I read the stories on here some days and it brings tears to my eyes that there are so many men out there treating women like complete crap, expecting them to do the unthinkable, the lying, cheating, and all the rest of it.

Where did I go wrong as a women, that I was so desparate for a man to love me that I put up with just about anything to secure a few moments of alledged pleasure? I can barely recognize myself in this and who I was before this, in what I allowed this man to do to my house, finances, soul, life, body.

We have lost so many of our male leaders and role models; this has become a narcisisstic society on so many levels. These freaks are our College Professors, our judges, our church members, lawyers, doctors, military men, politians, father's, brother's, son's, neighbors, coworkers, priests, psychologists, and friends and many others.

In many cases they are the ones we are supposed to trust the most not the least.

This all needs to stop. I need to take back my power as a woman and say NO:

NO to weird creepy sex
No to a free ride
No to sleeping with them too soon or at all for that matter
They can't hurt you that much if there is no sexual connection
No to the lies
No to the cheating
No NO NO

My narc once told me that I should have kicked him out the FIRST time he engaged in unacceptable behavior. Basically he was blaming me for all of this.

I get it now, he was right, I need to say no and get out the first time I see something really off and stop questioning myself. I have instints for a reason.

God bless,
Goldie