You don't miss him. Why? Because he will always...

I realize that this time (thanksgiving) last year, I was set on healing myself and didn't know how, so I did a lot of writing. I wrote what real things actually were done or happened (as opposed to what he stated or said) and focused on what was real, because I wanted to put into ink what he really was based on what he really did on a regular basis. This was done before I discovered this forum; I didn't know who to turn to so I had to turn to myself and really get real with myself. So below is the list of things that he ALWAYS did. In case anyone needed help on that Step 1 - Understanding It.

I will also post this on the other board because it relates to Step $ - Getting Real).

He will ALWAYS:
1. Be selfish/have selfish tendencies
2. Flirt with other women
3. Need attention (see # 2)
4. Be judgmental about some things that don’t matter (criticizes someone who makes a joke and saying that that person’s humor is below him (N always felt that he was funnier than anyone else) – aka male cattiness)
5. Have secrets – not telling full truths
6. Talk his way around things to not acknowledge fault
7. Need the pretentiousness (i.e. Beautiful girls, nice restaurants, rubbing elbows with people who have fancy or famous lives) even though he fights that image (he’s always stated that he was against authority and against establishment).
8. Want to be famous
9. Think he’s this amazing singer/artist
10. Talk about how great he is at his talents
11. Play off the innocent/nice/down-to-earth character to make people want to be with him/associated with him/ think he’s so
12. Be irresponsible about little things that really matter (i.e. someone’s feelings, making sure to get tested)
13. Be obnoxious and disrespectful in an argument when it gets heated, and not apologize or feel responsible for it
14. Cut you off because he feels what he says is more important (even if he doesn’t mean it)
15. Care more about beauty and image first
16. Have a shady side
17. Stay in contact with women whom he says he doesn’t consider as important (only to have them continue to want him, or keep them just in case) see #3
18. Be insecure (see #s 2, 7, 15, 17) such that he’ll make you feel more insecure, leading to fights
19. Need to feel more superior than his friends (i.e. annoyed that his best friend – who is single – gets attention from female bartenders)
20. Put his needs before his friends (didn’t want to go to his best friend’s house for a party because it was out of his way; got annoyed when the best friend didn’t go to N’s events/shows, but the best friend went anyway to support N)
21. Always point out who liked him (but who he didn’t like back – sounds a bit fishy though) i.e. “Annabeth liked me, but I didn’t like her at all. Matter of fact, I KNOW she liked me.” He said this on more than one occasion, when I didn’t even ask; also work related friend who put sexy photos of herself on FB (“Why does Denise always put these sexy photos of herself? Is she insecure?” – hmmmm….why are you even looking at these photos? And furthermore, why are you revealing to me that you were looking at these photos?)
22. Make you wonder if you can really trust him
23. Put you in an uncomfortable position where you wonder if his friends/anyone associated knows something that you don’t
24. Make you feel like it was YOUR FAULT for making him feel like he’s not wanted enough, even though you were there for him with open arms (this was one of the first signs of projection)
25. Feel as if what he is doing is correct and never looked into the mirror first to see if he’s hurting someone. Puts his needs first
26. Be weak (and make you feel weaker than him).